Владимир Светлов – The Path to Yourself, or the Road to Happiness: First Steps. Vladimir Svetlov (страница 7)

For instance, my wife Angelika teaches 64 kinds of arts—the ability to create atmosphere, coziness, tenderness, affection. The ability to tame a "tiger," to turn it into a kitten, and not to run away from it screaming: "He's a psycho, he's insane, he's crazy!"

A woman must be able to manage her partner. To be capable of handling him like a trainer handles a tiger. And there's no need to complain that "he has become utterly useless," if she herself changed his appearance and behavior. She created a new image of her partner, stripping him of his former traits. And now she wonders: "What exactly did I do to him?"

The partner lost his aggression, his teeth, his sharp claws—and ceased to be an animal. All of this happened due to the changes made by the woman. If a man came to her as a tiger, he should become a dragon: that is the goal of his improvement. And this transformation is, at a minimum, half the result of the woman's efforts.

It's not worth repeating phrases like, "You achieved everything on my energy." This statement doesn't always reflect reality. A man might respond: "Darling, I was the same before I met you, but it was fun and interesting to move forward with you. Now something has gone wrong, let's figure it out; all problems are solvable."

If a person lives in fear, they will never have healthy indifference. Because healthy indifference is the absence of all fear.

Healthy Indifference in Action: The Art of Being Unyielding

Once, our construction brigade went to Lake Baikal. We stayed in a village. Everyone was young, I had just returned from the army. Blood was boiling. We started walking around the village, looking for adventure. And we found it. They put a knife to my throat and a gun to my temple. And I'm sitting there talking to my friend. He says:

— "Don't argue with them."

— "I'm not planning to argue, but I'm not planning to jump to their tune either."

— "No, really, don't."

— "Ah, fuck 'em!" — and I took both the gun and the knife from the locals.

— "Give it back," my friend says. "Otherwise, more will come running."

— "You know, giving it back won't make things better."

— "No, really."

So, I gave it back. And they put the knife and gun to my throat and temple again.

— "So, what have we achieved?" I ask my friend, not even looking at them. "See, nothing good. Let's do it my way." — And I took the knife and gun from them again. And we did this five more times.

I played with them. Because I didn't care: in the army, I was threatened with knives just like that. And I was shot at more than once. But my friend hadn't been through that. That's why he was afraid. And I would have been afraid in his place. Anyone would be: the first time is always scary.

But the locals were also afraid. And they wouldn't have started cutting or shooting. They came to scare us, not to kill us. And I knew that. That's why I allowed myself to play with them.

And it's not about knowing how to disarm someone. That's not necessary. The main thing is to be able to assess your opponent and build a relationship with them. And not to be afraid of them.

Rapid Transformation

At the "Men's Gatherings," one refined intellectual asked:

— "Can you not hit the head? It's my primary organ."

— "What primary organ? You'll develop new ones now. Quickly, get in there—right into the thick of the fight!"

I look half an hour later, and he's already fighting with all his might, impossible to calm down. He forgot all about his organs.

I watched these guys, admired them, was amazed, and thought: "No way, I'm not going in there. I have organs too." But they were there, passionately going at it, crowd against crowd. They had already developed a healthy indifference. All in just 30 minutes.

Healthy Indifference and Inner Resilience

As we go through various situations in life, we gradually form our inner resilience. However, as often happens, only one thing is important: to believe in oneself. This is the key to further progress and development. We cannot foresee all aspects of life in advance, but faith in our own strength gives us confidence that we can cope with any challenges, whatever they may be.

The Russian pastime, known as "assembling the plane in flight," illustrates this idea. We built the frame, stuck in the engine, and it seems we're flying, thank God, and we'll figure out the rest as we go. Little by little, we'll rivet everything else. That's just how we're used to living. That's why we're so creative. Otherwise, we wouldn't survive.

Remember, we can start our journey with only a general direction. And gradually, as we move forward, we refine our understanding and skills. And if it doesn't work out, then who cares! There are other paths.

Our confidence is often undermined by various fears and doubts. We may fear failure, disappointment, or the judgment of others. But it's important to remember that these fears only hinder us in our pursuit of self-development and success. We need beliefs that will support us in our efforts, helping us maintain a healthy indifference in the face of life's difficulties. They will help us gain faith in ourselves, provide inner confidence, and the ability to meet life's challenges with an open mind and soul.

But what prevents us from having a healthy indifference? Perhaps it's fears, doubts, or false beliefs like, "I don't even need that. I'm fine as I am." Such beliefs are harmful: they hinder you from becoming a winner. And we need beliefs that help. Help us be a healthy indifferent person in any situation.

What's holding you back? Fear? Fear of what exactly? What stops a woman who is tired of putting up with a husband she can't stand from getting a divorce? Fear of being alone? Or fear of what Princess Marya Alekseevna will say? And so she complains to a friend just like her: "What will people say about me? That I, so-and-so, got divorced. Alone again. And someone will laugh at me, mock me. And I feel ashamed." And so she'll grow old with that fear. And with that loathsome husband.

Can you imagine the quality of that life? And its level? And the level of that woman's potential? If she decided to get a divorce, she could live freely, lightly, and boldly—and be happy. But no. Fear won't let her.

I also had fears. A sea of fears. But I believed in myself and overcame them. After all, you can't just believe in yourself on empty ground: you need results.

Once, during the "Men's Gatherings," we went out into the middle of nowhere, 100 km from the base. It was winter. We spent 24 hours there, and I realized we wouldn't last another three nights—we lacked the knowledge, abilities, and skills. And we didn't have snowmobiles to break a trail. We managed one night with the guys. And another day. But we wouldn't have survived the second night and another day. So, I brought them back.

We returned to it a couple of years later—when I was absolutely sure the guys could handle it. We made it through that route. Without all-terrain vehicles. Without snowmobiles. Because we had the skills, abilities, and knowledge by then.

Some might call healthy indifference "audacity." But it's not audacity. Audacity isn't a great quality in a person: it's a manifestation of swinishness from a spiritual perspective. Practically every person has a pig inside them. But it doesn't show in everyone. I'm sure among your acquaintances, there are people who bulldoze their way toward their goal. Without regard for moral norms or the interests of others. You don't really want to associate with such people, right? And we don't need them either. Except perhaps to practice the skill of stopping such people.

Beliefs That Only Hinder

What prevents people from having healthy indifference? For example, you're a great girl and can solve a ton of problems. But I know you'd like more in your life. I see that. Yet, you've set a certain level for yourself. And you can't cross that level, can't rise higher. What's stopping you from doing that within yourself? What belief is standing there? It's that belief that hinders the formation of healthy indifference.

Here are examples of such beliefs:

• If I didn't have children, I could really spread my wings now.

• If I had the right connections, I would go further.

Find similar beliefs and work through them with a coach.

There are also people who keep their distance, deliberately detach themselves. For them, indifference is a cover, a defense. An unhealthy kind of indifference, because it doesn't solve these people's internal state.

You can spot such people immediately. They love to put on an act. For example, they adopt a stern, intimidating demeanor. They have these gloomy, serious, important faces that seem to say, "I couldn't care less about all your problems." But in reality, very often, such people are acutely aware of their inner imperfections but try not to show it.

This is called the "parental position." There's the child, the teenager, and the adult. But there's also the teenager who acts like an adult. That's the parent. They act all wise, they lecture everyone, they think everyone is an idiot except themselves, of course. They are experts in absolutely everything. And they are always important, serious, always in character. And you understand that you're dealing with an insecure teenager, not an adult.