Ульяна Солнечная – Whole: from losing yourself to loving yourself (страница 5)

I also learned to look at people I know without judging who they were in the past – because I myself am changing every second.

And if I’ve allowed myself the right to change, to grow, to be reborn – then I can allow the same for others.

I no longer hold a mirror made of the past.

I hold space for the new.

The Book

This book was not created to become yet another inspiring read for a single evening—something you close, smile at with gentle sadness, whisper “yes, that was beautiful,” and then return to your familiar reality filled with inner pain, fear, resentment, doubts, anxiety, guilt, postponed dreams, and the secret hope that someone, somewhere, someday will fix everything for you, support you, explain life to you, save you, and lead you to a place where you can finally be yourself—loved, free, and alive.

This book is about returning.

About choosing.

About taking responsibility.

It was born from my own days and nights when I had no idea how to keep living.

It came together from moments when relationships collapsed, when all support disappeared, when a woman I barely recognized stared back at me in the mirror—tired, lost, and forgetting who she once was.

And it was in those moments that I understood: no one is coming.

Not because the world is cruel, and not because people are indifferent.

But because salvation from the outside is an illusion—the foundation on which a victim’s life rests, a childish life, a powerless life.

And if you want to live differently—

not just survive,

not cling,

not wait for approval, love, or understanding,

not gather yourself from the scattered pieces of someone else’s recognition,

but truly live—

freely, with self-respect—

then sooner or later, you will have to take yourself by the hand

and walk inward.

This is what this book is devoted to.

I believe that every woman already carries within her everything she needs to handle any challenge—inner or outer, emotional or practical, sudden or prolonged.

But most of the time, this strength is hidden beneath layers of fear, parental conditioning, social pressure, inherited stories, past relationships, and the simple unwillingness or unreadiness to take responsibility for her inner state and her path.

Because the journey back to yourself is a process in which you will meet everything you try to avoid, everything you prefer to hide.

Desires

Through my observations, practices, and living life with an open heart, I have come to a simple yet profound understanding: our true desire manifests only when the soul, mind, body, and heart are in harmony, in resonance, flowing in the same vibrational stream. There can be no inner conflict, doubt, fear, or tension pulling us in the opposite direction. But if even one part of you—your soul, your logic, your body—resists, if there is any contraction, tension, or anxiety, even unconscious, then most likely your desire either will not manifest at all, or it will arrive in a distorted, inauthentic form. I know this from my own experience and from the experiences of many others.

I remember one New Year’s Eve, passing by the city Christmas tree, I made a wish on an ornament: “I want a man who will provide me with a beautiful, free, and abundant life.” And that wish came true exactly one month later—exactly as I had phrased it. But as it turned out later, I hadn’t considered other qualities—like honesty. There was full provision, care, respect—but he was married. The Universe does not argue with your phrasing. It simply delivers the vibration you sent. You can get what you wanted—but not necessarily what you truly need. I do not judge that choice—it was important for me. But it was the first time I understood: a desire must be formulated correctly, with sincere intention and an unshakable foundation.

If you are not walking your own path, if you are living someone else’s life, playing someone else’s role, suppressing your “I want” and replacing it with “I must”—life will inevitably create an event that forces you to stop. And very often, this comes through the body—through health. This is why being in touch with your body is so important. Pay attention to it: changes in weight, skin, hair, nails, new illnesses, and other shifts. Receive the signals it sends.

It is best to formulate desires in moments of strong emotional experience—whether it is joy, inspiration, ecstasy, or, conversely, fear, pain, or a moment of total reset. When you make a wish in such a state, it is more likely to manifest at double speed. Because in these peak states, we pour enormous amounts of energy into the desire. Energy is the currency of manifestation. Therefore, if at a peak moment you consciously choose your direction, if you are in the flow and say: “I want to live fully. I want to love. I choose the path of my soul,”—then be ready: life has heard you. And from that moment, everything will begin unfolding toward you—from the heart and with force.

Very often, despite all efforts—meditations, visualizations, written goals, or even sincere dreams—desires do not manifest. They seem to hang in the air, stay on the horizon, slip through your fingers, or arrive in a “wrong” form. In these moments, it is important not to fall into disappointment, not to blame yourself, God, the Universe, or “the wrong practice.” Instead, adopt a mature, observant stance and ask yourself: what is truly happening inside me? Very often, the reasons come down to two key internal barriers.

Lack of faith. Most people believe they have faith. They say: “I want this,” “I visualize it,” “I do the practices,” but inside, there is no total trust in the universe or in themselves, no sense that it already exists, that it is already theirs.

The second, no less powerful reason desires may fail to manifest is fear. The moment life opens a new door, the moment a possibility appears to move to a new level—in relationships, business, self-realization, or self-love—your psyche immediately triggers protective mechanisms. You start to fear. You close off. You say: “Oh, no, this probably isn’t for me.” “I’m not ready.” “I can’t handle it.” “What if I make a mistake?” And in that moment—the door closes. Even though until that point, the world had been calling you from every direction. The world always speaks to you. And if you don’t hear its whisper, it begins to shout. If you continue closing yourself off, silencing, ignoring—it simply turns away, because your free will is sacred.

Each next level requires more trust. Each desire requires a stronger “I am ready.” Every opening requires facing your fear—and taking the step. And if you allow yourself to listen, if you stop being afraid, if you let your desires come—you cannot stop them from coming.

Numerology

I want to speak to you honestly—as I would to a young woman standing in front of a mirror, asking herself for the first time in her life: “Who am I really? Why am I here? Why does my life unfold this way and not otherwise? And how can I finally find my direction?”

I believe in God, but I also believe in numbers—and in the idea that faith, in any form, helps a person. Faith is multifaceted, just like life itself.

God speaks to each of us in different ways—through events, through people, through numbers that mysteriously appear at the right moment, seemingly pointing the way. This is not a contradiction. It is a continuation. Numbers are part of the world, and the world reflects a higher plan.

When a person embraces both forms of faith, it is as if two windows open, letting light in. One faith provides a sense of spiritual support; the other gives a sense of structure, order, and guidance. Together, they create an inner compass that helps you live more consciously, attentively, and courageously. Faith does not replace action—it gives meaning to action. It becomes a quiet force that pushes you forward when things are difficult and reminds you that every step is part of a larger journey.

If belief in God and in numbers helps you feel more confident, understand life more deeply, and change it for the better, then that is your path. And it is true, because it is alive.

So. Numerology is one way to start this conversation with yourself. It is a language through which your soul can speak—if you are willing to listen. It helps you look inward, see your strengths and weaknesses, and truly know yourself—with your gifts, the lessons you are here to learn, and the situations that keep repeating until you understand them. It shows you where to move in order to stop suffering and start living in alignment with yourself. Because none of us came into this world by accident.

We are born on a specific date, with a specific code that carries not only an individual vector of growth but also a set of karmic tasks, lessons, challenges, and opportunities. Through these, we can either endlessly repeat the same mistakes or grow, unfold, and transform our destiny.

Numerology does not define you—it helps you remember who you are. And if you are ready to be honest with yourself, if you are willing to look at your numbers not as labels but as signposts, you will see: each vibration has its shadow and its light, its weakness and its gift, its temptation and its path. And it is up to you what to live and embody.