Ульяна Солнечная – Already WHOLE. How to Begin a Relationship with a Man Without Losing Yourself (страница 4)

But with a young girl… his so-called charm still works. In a woman’s body, hormones are released when that euphoric feeling of falling in love appears. Nature designed it this way: we fall in love to continue the species. And when someone is just starting to date, a woman tends to fill in the blanks. She imagines him to be better than he really is.

A man can impress her with three jokes that his wife already knows by heart. Or with simple gestures of attention. But to impress his wife – he has to put in effort: learn, grow, develop, strive. And for that, she might simply say, “Well done.” Mostly.

But a mistress… he can impress her with just a bouquet. Especially an eighteen-year-old. Buy her flowers, treat her to coffee or a glass of wine – and she says, “Oh my God, I’ve hit the jackpot! I’m so lucky! Of course we met for a reason!”

And the man thinks, “Oh, great! Look at the response I’m getting!”

That feeds his ego. Not his character, not his spirit – his ego. It’s a test. Life tests him: will you choose ego, or will you choose growth?

With a wife – it’s growth.

With a new girl who claps her hands and gets excited because you ordered her a cheesecake – it’s ego.

If a man ever tells you that he is not obligated to take responsibility for you, simply ask him: “What does love mean to you? How should I love you? For what, or how is it expressed?”

Ask him, “Why do you love me?”

Because a man can clearly describe it:

“I love you because you are gentle, affectionate, beautiful, smart, charming, you take care of the home, you give me children, you’re cheerful.” And so on.

Then say: “Okay, now let’s list why I love you. I love you because you are caring, responsible (and that includes financial responsibility, too).”

So men shouldn’t be offended. They are not paintings meant only to be admired. A man is not simply an emotional outlet who comes home to endlessly soothe you. He is not there just to absorb your exhaustion with the children and say, “I didn’t bring money today, but I’ll just listen to you.” There are no men who will endlessly tolerate and listen without limit – that’s what friends are for. A man is the material support of the family, and a woman is its emotional foundation.

How can you quickly understand what kind of man is next to you?

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If with him you behave like a carefree little girl (you can wear dresses, dress up, say “buy me flowers, please”), then next to you is a strong, powerful protector. A woman can relax.

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