Ульяна Солнечная – Already WHOLE. How to Begin a Relationship with a Man Without Losing Yourself (страница 3)

Love begins where you can simply be. Without effort, without performance, without constant confirmation of your right to exist in his life. In her reality, a man is not the sun around which everything revolves. He is a partner. An equal traveler.

A whole woman knows the sacred boundary of her “I.” Therefore she:

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Does not dissolve into “we,” losing the outline of herself.

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Does not endlessly adapt, erasing her colors to create the illusion of one canvas.

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Does not dim her light, her scale, her dreams, so as not to blind or intimidate.

A union of two whole individuals is possible only when both “I’s” do not disappear, but in meeting create something new – a third space, the space of “We,” where each arrives full and free.

And finally, the highest act of self-love is the courage to leave on time. Not every union is meant to last forever. Sometimes its purpose is to be a lesson, a joy for a season, but not for a lifetime.

Maturity is sometimes the ability to leave without war. Without scandals, without squeezing out the last drops, without the need for revenge or proof. A whole woman does not leave because she was rejected or not chosen. She leaves because she no longer chooses this path, this relationship, this person.

Her departure is a quiet, confident decision to place a period where love for herself no longer resonates with life beside him.

This is the final and main principle: loyalty to yourself is greater than the fear of being alone.

Because she is already whole. Alone – and in love.

My Life Narratives

My Foundation: How I Care for My Mental and Physical Health

For me, health is an inner resource and the energy to live a full life. I realized long ago that the key to everything lies in the harmony between mental and physical well-being – and the main “conductor” of this harmony is the nervous system. Here is what I have learned and the principles I have set for myself.

What do I know?

A woman’s nervous system is a finely tuned instrument, sensitive to everything: to her cycle, to stress, to nutrition, and even to unspoken words. If it is out of balance, it affects everything – from the quality of sleep to the ability to enjoy small moments, from immunity to the condition of the skin. There are no separate “nerve problems” and separate “health problems.” It is all one whole.

My principles. How I practice this:

I listen to my body – it is wiser than the mind. I am learning to recognize its signals. If I feel tired, it is my body asking for a pause. Irritation is often a sign of overload. I do not try to be a hero or wait until complete exhaustion. A short walk, reading, 20 minutes of silence, a cup of my favorite coffee, sleep, a massage, a bath – these are my first-aid tools.

I breathe deeply and consciously. This is my main life hack for instantly stabilizing my nervous system. When I feel anxiety or rush building up, I simply pause and take a deep belly breath, followed by a slow exhale longer than the inhale. This sends a signal to my brain: “You are safe. You can relax.” It works anytime, anywhere.

Movement as meditation. I do not exhaust myself with workouts for the sake of a number on the scale. I choose movement that brings joy and gratitude to my body: stretching, cardio, swimming, long walks in nature. This releases muscle tension (which is always present under stress) and clears my mind.

Digital detox. For mental health to stay balanced, mental clutter must be reduced. Every day we scroll through news and social media, so it is important to create an “information vacuum”: no news, no social media, no heavy conversations before bed. This helps the nervous system gently prepare for sleep. I practice this daily for several hours.

Nutrition is vital – and cannot be ignored. I look at food not in terms of calories, but in terms of: “Does this nourish my cells and my nerves?” Do I have enough protein to build hormones, healthy fats for my brain, complex carbohydrates for energy? A glass of water in the morning is my first step toward mental clarity. I do not follow strict diets – they are stressful in themselves. If I overeat (which happens to all of us, especially during certain days of the cycle), I do not scold myself. A long walk afterward helps reduce stress.

Here I will also mention supplements. I have had chronic anemia since childhood, so I take iron in cycles and monitor my blood tests. I also add magnesium, coenzyme Q10, omega-3, and folic acid. You should have your own personalized list of vitamins and take them consistently.

I respect my cycles. The female body lives in rhythms. Some days bring more energy; others call for solitude and quiet work. I do not criticize myself for being less productive during certain phases of my cycle. I try to plan my workload in alignment with it, not against it. This is the highest level of self-care.

I create a safe space. This includes my environment (I minimize contact with toxic people), my home (order and coziness calm the nervous system), and my personal boundaries. The ability to say “no” without guilt is the best medicine for the nervous system.

What is the bottom line?

Taking care of your health means being your own best friend, not a strict supervisor. It is about making small daily choices in favor of balance. When I care for my nervous system, I invest in my future: a clear mind, resilience to stress, energy to bring ideas to life, and simply the ability to feel happy here and now. This is my foundation.

How Did I Meet Him?

At 18, I started dating my first boyfriend. Five years later, we broke up. I wrote about that chapter in detail in my first book. Then I moved to the capital. A long period of working on myself followed. Then came new experiences – a second serious relationship that lasted five years, and a third that also lasted five years. Each of them gave me experience and knowledge. Each of them changed me for the better. I respected every one of those relationships.

Then came 2025. I was 36 years old. I had ended a relationship and continued living my life – making plans, not searching for anyone, growing, traveling. My state was whole.

I was thirty-six – an age when you already understand a lot about yourself, about men, about relationships, and about what no longer works. By that time, I was in a state of inner completeness. Not in the sense of having no desires or no need for love, but in the sense of being grounded in myself. I was no longer waiting for a man to come and make me happy. My happiness already existed – and it was into that space that I could invite someone.

Then he appeared in my life.

We met very simply, in a restaurant. It was an ordinary conversation, yet there was an immediate sense of ease. He felt like my person, and that was almost instantly recognizable. In the way he spoke, the way he listened, the way he didn’t rush to impress. Later, we went for a walk and talked for a long time. The conversation required no effort. I didn’t have to be more interesting than I was, and I didn’t have to prove anything.

It’s important to say that at the very beginning, I did not see him as a man for a relationship. There was no inner tension, no urge to quickly define the status or figure out where it was leading. I allowed myself simply to be in the moment and observe how life was unfolding. It was a new state for me – very calm and honest.

Gradually, we began going on dates. Everything unfolded naturally, without emotional swings or drama. He knew how to surprise me – not with grand gestures, but with attention to detail. He cared not because he felt he should, but because it genuinely mattered to him. The gifts he gave were not a way to impress me, but a continuation of his attitude toward me. I felt safe, calm, and secure beside him – and that sense of calm turned out to be the most valuable thing for me.

I was already a whole woman, and that is precisely why I could truly see him. Not through expectations, not through fear of loneliness, not through the desire to be chosen at any cost. I simply allowed myself to feel what it was like to be next to this man. And at some point, a clear understanding came: I love him. Without doubt and without the need to explain it to myself logically.

I will say honestly – I had a choice. When a woman is in contact with herself, when she is not clinging or seeking support outside of herself, choice appears naturally. Men sense this state. But out of all the possible options, I chose him. Not because he was the only one, but because next to him I could remain myself. I didn’t have to adapt, shrink, or sacrifice my boundaries. These relationships did not take my life away – they became its continuation.

So… I am already WHOLE. What can I share based on my experience? Read on

Do you know why men often leave their amazing, reliable, motivating wives for very young mistresses? Because a wife – especially one who has been with him for a long time – knows him inside out. With her, he won’t be able to play the role of some alpha male. If she knows that he constantly needs to be pulled out of situations and that, overall, he lacks strength of character.