Michelle Douglas – Reunited by a Baby Secret (страница 8)
‘I for one
His vehemence made her feel less alone. She couldn’t afford to trust it too deeply, to enjoy it too much, but...it was still kind of nice. ‘Then we need to be really,
He set his knife and fork down. ‘Yes. Even when it proves difficult.’
‘Probably especially when it proves difficult.’ She pursed her lips. ‘So, by definition, some of our conversations and discussions are going to be...difficult.’
The colour in his eyes deepened to a green that reminded her of a lagoon in Thailand where they’d spent a lazy afternoon. She swallowed and tried not to linger on what had happened after that swim when Ryan had taken her back to his beach hut.
‘You want to hit me with whatever’s on your mind?’
She dragged herself back.
The colour in his eyes intensified. ‘I swear to you, Marianna, that I mean to do right by our baby. And by you too. I want to make things as easy for you as I can. I don’t want you thinking you’re in this alone.’
It was a nice sentiment but... She motioned to his plate. ‘You can keep eating while I talk.’
The faintest of smiles touched his lips. ‘If we’re going to have one of those difficult conversations it might be better if I don’t. I wouldn’t want to choke, now, would I?’
Her lips kicked up into a smile before she managed to pull herself back into line. ‘I think there’s an enormous difference between being a good father and being a man who holds the title of father.’
‘I agree.’
‘To be good at anything means working hard at it, don’t you think?’
Again, he nodded. ‘I’m not afraid of hard work, I promise you.’ He met her gaze, his face pale but his eyes steady. ‘What I’m afraid of is failure.’
His admission had her breaking out in gooseflesh as her own fears crowded about her. She chafed her arms. ‘That’s something I can definitely relate to.’
He shook his head. ‘You’re going to be a brilliant mother. You shouldn’t doubt that for a moment. Already you’re fighting for your baby’s happiness—protecting it.’
But did it need protecting from Ryan?
‘You will be a wonderful mother,’ he repeated.
Her stomach screwed up tight. She hoped so.
His eyes suddenly narrowed. ‘Are you afraid you won’t be?’
‘No,’ she lied. ‘Of course not.’ She’d be just fine. She would! Besides, one of them feeling wobbly on the parent front was more than enough, thank you very much.
Ryan folded his arms. ‘It hasn’t been a terribly difficult discussion so far.’
Ah. Well. She could fix that. She pushed her cake to one side and pressed her hands together. ‘Ryan, in Thailand I...’ She faltered for a moment before finding her footing again. ‘I was coming home to Italy after a year spent travelling and working through Australia. Thailand was my...last hurrah, so to speak. That holiday was about having no responsibilities, being young and free, and living in the moment before settling back into my real life.’
A furrow appeared on his brow. ‘I understand that.’
‘You are an incredibly attractive man.’
He blinked.
‘But what we had in Thailand—all of that glorious sex...’ He grinned as if in remembrance and it made her pulse skitter. ‘It...it just doesn’t belong here in my real world.’
He sobered as he caught her drift.
‘If we’re to successfully co-parent, then sex has no place in that. Friendship would be great if we can manage it. Sex would wreck that.’
‘Too complicated,’ he agreed.
She shook her head. ‘It’s actually incredibly simple. You never want to marry while I’d love to find the man of my dreams and settle down with him. If we make love here—in my real world—I would be in grave danger of falling in love with you.’
He shot back in his seat, his eyes filling with horror. The pulse in his throat pounded. ‘I...’ He gulped. ‘That would be seriously unwise.’
She snorted. ‘It’d be a disaster.’ And if they were being honest... ‘I doubt I’d make a particularly gracious jilted lover.’
He raised both hands. ‘Point taken. We keep our hands to ourselves, keep things strictly platonic and...friendship.’ He nodded vigorously. ‘We focus on friendship.’
* * *
Ryan stared at Marianna, his heart doing its best to pound a way out of his chest. There couldn’t be any sex between them.
He swallowed and tried to slow his pulse. If only he could forget the satin slide of her skin or the dancing delight of her fingertips as they travelled across his naked flesh, not to mention the sweet warm scent of her and the way he’d relished burying his face in her hair and breathing her in.
He stamped a lid on those memories and shoved them into a vault in his mind marked:
Marianna lifted another spoonful of cake to her lips. He glanced at his fettuccine, but pushed the plate away, his stomach now too acid. Marianna had told him the food here was superb, world class, but it could’ve been sawdust for all he knew.
He glanced across the table and his gaze snagged hers. ‘You really don’t mean to make it difficult for me to see our child?’
Very slowly she shook her head. ‘Not if you want to be involved.’
He wanted to be involved all right. He just didn’t know what
She halted with a spoon of cake only centimetres from her mouth.
He tried not to focus on her mouth. ‘I mean, what do we do next?’
She lowered her spoon. ‘I don’t really know. I...’ She frowned and he went on immediate alert. It had to be better for her health and the baby’s if she smiled rather than frowned.
Also, it had to be seriously bad for her health—her blood pressure—to go about hurling vases at people. He made a mental note to try and defuse all such high emotion in the future.
Her spoon clattered back to her plate and she gestured heavenwards with a dramatic flourish. ‘It feels as if there must be a million things to do before the baby arrives!’
Were there? Asking what they were would only reveal the extent of his ignorance. He hadn’t been able to shake off her horrified expression when she’d realised he’d never so much as held a baby. So, he didn’t ask what needed doing. Instead he asked, ‘What can I do?’
She folded her arms and surveyed him. She might only be a petite five feet two inches, but it took all of his strength to not fidget under that gaze.
‘You really want to help?’
‘Yes.’ That was unequivocal. He
‘I plan to move out of the family home and into a cottage on the estate.’
He wondered if her brothers knew about this yet.
‘It’s solid and hardy, but I’d like to spruce up the inside with a new coat of paint and make everything lovely and fresh for the baby.’
It took a moment before he realised what she was asking of him. His heart started to thud. She’d told him that if he was serious about becoming a good father, his time would no longer be his own. His mouth dried. Could he do this?
He had to do this!
He reviewed his upcoming work schedule. He set his shoulders and rested both arms on the table. ‘How would it be if I spent the next month—’
Her eyes widened, and he was suddenly fiercely glad he’d made the offer. ‘You’d stay for a whole month?’
It wouldn’t interfere with the Conti contract, and he didn’t kid himself—he’d only have one chance to prove himself to the mother of his yet-to-be-born child, and he wasn’t going to waste it. ‘Consider it done,’ he said.
MARIANNA STARED AT him and Ryan found himself holding his breath, waiting for her answer...her verdict.
She folded her arms. ‘That would help me out a lot.’
‘And me,’ he added, wanting her to remember that she’d just promised to tutor him in the arts of fatherhood.
She stared down at her cake and bit her lip. Her hair fell around her shoulders in a riot of dark waves, and it suddenly struck him how young she looked. He pushed his plate further away and glanced at her again. ‘How old are you, Marianna?’
‘Twenty-four.’