Елена Русанова – How to Hear Yourself and Start Creating (страница 8)
At the level of the mental body, the characteristics of our mind and the ego itself as such are distinguished. Thought processes can be very fast, with thoughts jumping from one thing to another in a lightning-fast and chaotic manner, or more orderly and calm. The ego can be overloaded (“give me some pills for greed, and more of them!”) or more flexible and pliable (“I don’t need much to be happy”).
Each person is unique, and our task, first of all, is to recognize our own characteristics, accept and acknowledge our individuality in order to live our own path, and not try to “put on someone else’s suit.”
I'll give a personal example to demonstrate how long it took me to discover such unique characteristics, and to discover for myself the concept of hypersensitivity of the nervous system.
For as long as I can remember, since childhood, I've always strived to be and look "normal, or even better." I have quite a few qualities: strong will, enormous ambition, big-picture thinking, a high level of speed in everything, and the "A" syndrome (I'm a Komsomol member, an athlete, and simply a beauty). It's a situation where the ego "sticks out" more than anything else. Outwardly, I had the image of an "iron man," at the very least, but something just didn't work out; I couldn't fully live up to it. External events showed me otherwise; for example, I wasn't achieving success in sports competitions. Building a career was very difficult for me, as was business, public image, and PR.
The thing was, I always experienced emotions more intensely. The level of worry, reflection, and self-reflection was off the charts. Various social events and public speaking were difficult. Long conversations or being in a crowd were a challenge. That's why I always preferred being alone, and I even enjoyed traveling alone. I found my differences in the concept of "hypersensitivity of the nervous system" - a characteristic of the functioning of neurons and the nervous system as a whole. Physical characteristics, volitional regulation, and thought patterns can be completely different.
What are the signs of such hypersensitivity?
– extremely strong/extremely deep experience of any kind of emotion, both positive and negative. A wide range of physical manifestations: goosebumps, hand tremors, voice changes, motor impairments, and so on. I have all of this and it manifests itself in a variety of situations, from impaired motor function during sports competitions, to an inability to adequately explain or even express myself during a conflict or argument, or complete "shaking" during public speaking.
– sensory sensitivity – very strong perception of pain, smells, sounds, high stress during constant communication, difficulty withstanding crowds, any gatherings of people. Differences in perception of stimuli are possible: some people cannot tolerate smells or sounds, while others are generally more tolerant of pain. In any case, there are peculiarities in perception. The range of perception is broader or differs from the norm.
– high sensitivity to criticism, feedback, other people’s emotions, any kind of disputes, conflicts. All of this is perceived as more difficult than usual, and the typical advice: “Don’t worry about it, calm down, be cool” - leads to an even greater state of internal self-flagellation.
And these aren't just qualities of an introvert, a person prone to solitude, but a way of perceiving and processing nervous impulses. Outwardly, such a person may appear completely normal, but inside, a storm is raging, and this can periodically be observed in trembling hands, lips, or voice.
For me, this realization was a revelation - acknowledging my own unique characteristics and not trying to fight them, something I'd done my whole life. When I was constantly being hounded by external voices and advice like, "Why are you so worried/taking everything so personally? Don't be afraid of public speaking, stay calm," I scolded myself for being overly emotional, learned to control my emotions (and always failed at it) and appear normal. Excessive tension and emotional control could lead to the opposite consequences, such as "freezing" or blocking my feelings and body.
Now I see that this isn't just a characteristic, but a gift that can be harnessed to one's strengths. After all, the superpower of such people lies in their developed intuition, reflection, empathy, and deeper perception and vision.
We are all different - we must acknowledge this within ourselves, and not push away or hide our differences. By exploring and discovering our sides and unique characteristics, we must learn to treat ourselves with care. Accept all parts of ourselves with love and respect…
The Child Who Knew Early
I recently heard a phrase from my son that literally illuminated for me an important fact that we often forget.
Something happened to his arm, a small bump and a bruise. He reacted violently, and I, reassuring him as usual, said, "It shouldn't hurt that much, it's nothing serious." My seven-year-old son looked at me reproachfully and said, "I decide how I feel! It's my body."
And I started thinking, he's absolutely right. How many times have we suppressed feelings and emotions, blocked them out and hid them in the deepest corners until we're completely frozen and unable to feel anything at all? We've listened to societal and family mantras: "Don't whine! You can't cry! These tantrums again! Be patient! Get back into a good mood quickly!" and so on...
And then all of us, adults with an unloved child inside, go through life with our fears and blocks, trying to unravel our past or retreating into illusions. But we simply need to start embracing and loving our inner child, allowing ourselves to feel. Reclaim the right to sensations, emotions, and thoughts. It's never too late to do this.
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