Владимир Светлов – The Path to Yourself, or the Road to Happiness: First Steps (страница 2)

Perhaps the key to happiness lies in the ability to solve problems? Maybe. But this skill is available only to a select few—psychologists, coaches, philosophers. They dedicate their lives to solving problems. And they have everything necessary for this: special education, experience, skills. But what are ordinary people to do? They don't have all these privileges; they haven't received proper training. Are they doomed to remain in the shadows, deprived of the opportunity to solve problems and thereby achieve happiness?

That's a misconception. Let everyone do what they are capable of. I, for example, know how to drive a car. But I would never try to repair it: I haven't learned how. I'm like that guy from the joke:

— Vano, my car broke down. What should I do?

— Did you wipe the headlights?

— Yes.

— Did you knock on the wheels?

— Yes, I knocked.

— Well, I honestly have no idea what to do then.

That's exactly how I could repair it. Because I don't have the skills, abilities, or knowledge. However, I am quite good at understanding states of the soul: I've been learning this for 40 years. I am a professional in that. And I understand various spheres of human life. Not just my own life. Many people come to me every day to solve precisely that issue. Because I am an expert specifically in that matter. And I absolutely must have the skills, abilities, and knowledge to solve that issue.

This basic set of skills, abilities, and knowledge should be possessed by everyone. Your parents were supposed to teach you this. You were supposed to be taught this in school. After all, the ability to solve any problem is one of the essential elements of a person's mandatory educational curriculum. In the past, a child was taught this by the age of 12. Nowadays, they truly are not taught this. At all. They simply say, "You should be happy." And they don't explain how to be happy.

I remembered my father's words: "You should be a good person." I would nod, agree, as is proper: "Yes, Dad, I understand." But what does it mean to "be a good person"? Who can explain that? My father never explained it to me, and I didn't dare ask. And so I tried, I struggled to please everyone, to hear those cherished words from my father: "Good boy." But what was the result? Unhappiness. Because I pushed myself and my own dreams to the very bottom of the list, because no one taught me, no one showed me how to be a good person.

What does it mean to "be good"? For whom should I "be good" first and foremost? For myself. And, thank goodness, I went to a specialist, and he explained everything to me. He helped me solve this rather simple task. And before that, I had been solving it wrong all my life: I was a "good person," but not really. Why? Because you can't please everyone. You simply can't please everyone.

And I immediately stopped doing that. I stopped trying to please everyone, to be good for everyone. Whether they like me or not is their problem. The main thing is that I love myself. It doesn't matter if they like me or not. The main thing is that I like myself.

Once in Vladimir, I was asked to help a person, but I said I couldn't: the person would die.

— "Well, do something," they pleaded with me in tears.

— "I can only relieve the pain. It's stage 4 cancer, metastases have already spread. He has a month to live at most."

I eased the man's suffering. He started feeling much better, but he died anyway, and I was invited to the funeral. And all our mutual acquaintances are walking to the cemetery looking sad, while I'm walking along so joyful it's almost embarrassing. That's my state of soul: joyful. Why? I have very clear internal pillars inside me that nothing can break. My inner mood does not change because of what happens in the external world: it is held steady by the anchoring points of my state. And I want you to develop these anchoring points too. Because the state of happiness, the state of joy—it is, first and foremost, a matter of the soul.

A person with strong internal anchors doesn't care what happens around them. Especially if they are happy. This is a healthy indifference, or rational selfishness. And so at the funeral, I truly didn't care. Like in the joke where two guys were comparing their levels of indifference:

— So yesterday I walk into the stairwell. Someone says to me, 'Are you Seryoga?' I say, 'Well, yeah.' Then they start kicking and beating me. And I'm just lying there, and I don't give a damn: I'm not Seryoga, after all.

That's the kind of healthy indifference I mean.

But let's return to the state of the soul. We know it should exist, but we know nothing about it. And we don't know how to attain it.

The state of the soul is tranquility. What does it rely on? Confidence? Definitely not. Knowledge of the laws of the universe? Yes, that is very important. Love and respect for oneself? That is also very important. Faith? I don't know that word. Knowledge of the laws of the universe is familiar to me, but faith is something intangible, ephemeral. What else is there? Purpose? Connection with the Higher Power? Prayer? Strength? Courage? Determination? Audacity?

Audacity is a good quality. And it manifests in early childhood. You either have it naturally or you don't. And you can't develop something that isn't there from the start.

Honestly, I don't like kids who hide behind their parents the second you walk in the door. I can't stand them. Why? Because those are the kids who'll end up being a dead weight on you later in life. They act all shy and polite now, but give it time—they'll climb right onto your back and make themselves comfortable.

Give me the open kids any day. The ones who come right up to you, introduce themselves, and start a conversation. Those are the kids with some backbone. They've got that confident spark, and they keep their cool—not just when they meet you, but for years after. For life, really.

And it's the same with women. I don't care for the ones without that same inner spark, that confidence. You know the type: you meet a girl, and she seems so... proper. Quiet. Modest. Well-mannered. Then, before you know it, she's clinging to you, expecting you to carry her weight. And you're left surprised. But it all comes from the same place: from childhood. It's all right there from the start.

If a person is open, they remain the same even ten years later. That's why I don't really like quiet types. They're all quiet for a while, but then they shed their cocoon and reveal their unpleasant essence. At the most inopportune moment.

As you may have understood, by "audacity" I mean an extreme openness to the world, not an inconsiderate violation of others' boundaries. The openness and spontaneity preserved from childhood can stay with us throughout life, making our interaction with the world more sincere and productive. It's important to nurture and develop these qualities to ensure our inner stability and successful relationships with those around us.

Chapter 2. The Unity of Body, Soul, and Mind — The Key to Happiness and Health at All Levels of Life

Can we influence this? Of course. We absolutely can influence it. We treat oncology as if it's nothing special. Everything is treatable. As long as a person is alive. Everything is treatable. But I have even seen very sick people who were happy. However, health is still an important element of happiness.

How can we influence our health? Sun, Air, and Water. That is, sport. Engaging in active sports.

Health and sport are about love. You must love yourself, not pity yourself. Keep your body in good shape. This is one form of expressing self-love.

When I run in the mornings, I feel a sharp surge of strength in the afternoon. But if I don't run, that state isn't there in the afternoon. But do we allow ourselves to run in the morning? Go out into the cold? No. We pity ourselves. And that's called a lack of love for oneself, a lack of respect for oneself.

In the life of a conscious person, there must be sports. Have you seen the movie "Passengers"? There was a spaceship flying to another planet, and a guy woke up, and then he woke up a girl. She was from a higher class than him. What did she do in the mornings? She ran.

That's the difference of caste. She took care of herself. Kept herself in shape. And he doesn't even understand why it's needed. He's fine as he is. That's why you can see the caste precisely by this element. Whether a person keeps their body, their spirit in a state of tone.

Health is divided into physical and mental (emotional). A conscious person monitors their emotions. They don't allow themselves to dwell in negative emotions and maintain themselves in positive states.

Do you know the difference between an optimist, a pessimist, and a realist? The optimist studies English. The pessimist studies Chinese. And the realist studies the mechanism of the Kalashnikov rifle.

What does health encompass — physical, mental, and intellectual? The development of consciousness. A person finds it interesting to develop themselves. This is also a trait of a higher caste. The lower caste already knows everything. A person develops their consciousness. Expands it. They are curious, interested. And when you are curious and interested, energy starts to flow automatically. Strength appears, interest emerges, mood improves, and life's meanings become clear.