Владимир Светлов – The Path to Yourself, or the Road to Happiness: First Steps. Vladimir Svetlov (страница 3)

I often meet scientists, especially physicists. At 70–80 years old, they look very energetic and healthy. It is precisely this state of mind that keeps them in this condition. They are as if preserved. They don't age, they don't get sick, because they are all striving forward, they are not fixated on themselves.

Not being fixated on oneself is one of the elements of health.

These people don't dwell on questions like:

• How do I look?

• What will people think of me?

• Is there something wrong with me?

They don't identify themselves with their physical shell. They don't care how they look. And yet, they know how to dress stylishly. They simply dress stylishly—it's their lifestyle, their rule of life. But they don't obsess over it.

They have 3–5 suits, and they simply change them for different tasks. And that's it. They don't need more. They don't even obsess over what might happen. They wear these suits for this occasion, other suits for that occasion. That's all. They aren't interested in anything else. Narcissism is absent.

But the majority of people live with a sense of their own importance. And this is a great source of pain. Their pain. It's always connected with self-acceptance, self-love. Love and respect for oneself. And if those are present, I don't worry at all: I am handsome. And this inner state begins to show on the face.

It manifests.

If you like yourself, you smile. But if something feels "off" with you, your face dulls. And sours at the very thought of it. It becomes unattractive, unlovely, ugly. Your inner state, your self-perception, your attitude toward yourself are reflected on your face. And in the mirror. And in the eyes of those looking at you.

And then you start to cover it up, inject botox, fillers... I don't understand those "things," not even my wife does. We have another cool thing: liking ourselves and loving ourselves to the point of madness. It's one of the important human traits—to love yourself to madness and allow yourself to make mistakes at every step: hooray, another failing grade!

Most people are afraid of that. Most people avoid it. But making mistakes is one of the most crucial moments in your life. Only those who do nothing make no mistakes. I am constantly in a state of action, so I constantly make mistakes. I've already made several today and will again tomorrow.

For me, mistakes are not monumental. Because I have a healthy dose of indifference. I allow myself to make mistakes. I know where I'm going, and I know it depends only on me. And even if I mess up so badly today that you all point fingers at me, I'll gather the energy from your pointing fingers for tomorrow's success. Because that too is directed energy.

There's a wonderful maxim: a drunk man will sober up, a fool never will. Today, I am the drunk. Today, I made a mistake. Today, I was lying in the gutter somewhere. Today, I was dirty. So what?

A drunk man is lying in a puddle. A woman walks by and snorts: "Ugh, alcoholic!" He lazily opens one eye, looks straight at her, and replies: "Well, I'll be sober tomorrow, but your face will always look like that."

Why should I be embarrassed? I don't have a state of embarrassment. In its place, I have courage and decisiveness. Audacity, if you will. That's all.

Healthy audacity as a manifestation of inner strength

Audacity is the state of respected people. Those whom everyone fears. And why does everyone fear them? Why should they even be feared? Are they special in some way? How are they different from you and me? In absolutely no way. They've been spanked, and they've shit their pants. So why are they putting on airs now? It happened, right? It did. So then why pretend to be someone?

If a person now puts on airs, acting as if they are smarter than others, it speaks of their fear. Because a person of high dignity never places themselves above others. They always speak as equals. They don't belittle anyone and don't exalt anyone. But if they belittle some and grovel before others, you understand who really stands before you. A person who is afraid. And that's why they elevate themselves, want to appear important, because they are afraid of you. And if they are afraid of you, it means you are worth something.

Stand in that stance and laugh at him. After all, you know that he soiled his pants. But to realize that, I needed to reflect. To regain my sanity, my soundness in relationships.

You can do something better than I can. I acknowledge and respect that. But if you start flaunting your superiority, I'll immediately understand that there is fear inside you. And that will be your problem, not mine. Yes, I will learn from you what you know and can do. I will not judge you. Live with your own fear. I couldn't care less. But I will no longer be afraid of you or feel embarrassed. I will communicate respectfully, knowing your value as a person and as a professional. I separate these things.

We very often back down in front of others, and that is a lack of love and respect for ourselves.

Mental Health, or Why to Fix Your Head

Mental health is positive thinking. It is harmed by toxic, acidic beliefs. And it is very important to work on them.

A classic example of a toxic belief: "All women are the same." How will this belief help me communicate positively with women and enjoy that communication? It won't. At the core of this belief lies disappointment, negativity, denial. But I want happiness, I want love.

Beliefs exist for every situation in life. There are also universal ones, for example: "It doesn't matter anyway, nothing will work out for me." And here is its realization: "What are you talking about?! I'm already old, 53 years old. Look, my grandchildren are about 10 years old: they might still be able to do something. But it's too late for me."

Where does this come from? Who slipped us this crap? Mom, when she discouraged you: "Don't, son, you won't be able to do it anyway"? Mom didn't believe in you or in herself—and now you don't believe. Because you took her words literally. And now, facing difficulties, you convince yourself: I can't do this, it's not for me, I can't handle it.

That's how our toxic beliefs are born. False mindsets that poison our thinking. And thinking must always be healthy: positive, world-opening, and transformative.

I was reminded of a film where two cancer patients were lying in a hospital. They found a bottle of alcohol somewhere and secretly opened it. And so one of them took out a cigarette and lit it, and the second one said, "Don't smoke. You have lung cancer."

— "But I have brain cancer, why worry! I only have three days left anyway."

You see, even in such a situation, toxic beliefs are at work. Remember: even if you have "only three days left," your mind should be in order.

Look, some people have these nervous tics, you know? Like an eye that won't stop twitching. We see that and think, "Okay, that person's got a problem, something's misfiring."

But here's the thing: don't we all do the exact same thing with our minds? You're just sitting there, and boom—a thought gets stuck. You can't shake it. It's like a mental spasm. So, by that logic, are we all a little... off in the head? Honestly? Yeah. We need to get that, and admit it to ourselves. It's a malfunction. Our brain's software needs a debug. We've gotta fix our heads.

But here's the messed-up part: we've all started to think this mental static is normal. We think it's just fine for our thoughts to spiral out of control and get completely jammed.

This is fixable. You need to see a specialist, and they can help fix your head. And those voices too. You've seen people who talk to someone while walking, right? That's also fixable. Everything is treatable. The main thing is to find out who the person is talking to. To ask that entity what it wants. To help those two reach an agreement and send the imaginary friend on their way.

The truth is, people often end up unhappy with this: they've lost a friend, lost their "connection to the Higher." Although usually, it's a connection to the lower. But only someone with a healthy mind understands this. Most people's minds are ill.

That's why I stopped treating people. I realized you have to treat the mind first: all other illnesses come through a sick mind. That's why I started holding seminars more often.

Once in Chelyabinsk, I was conducting a seminar titled "The Meaning of Life and the Laws of Happiness." In the audience, there was a woman whose 16-year-old daughter had cerebral palsy. After the seminar, I found out that the girl started getting better. Simply because something in the mother's mind had been set right.

And your illnesses will start to fade away too—all it takes is beginning to fix your mind. You'll start feeling different. Because when something inside you is fighting against you, and you are fighting against it, your body reacts with illnesses, spasms, and tension.

You're sitting there, seemingly fine, and you think: I need to do something. And immediately, you feel a drop in energy, your mood vanishes. You think: I'll just go lie down for a bit, I'll do it later anyway. How does that happen? One moment you had the drive—and the next, it's gone. And you say, "I don't feel so good." That's the mechanism of the brain at work, tied to toxic beliefs.