Валентин Красногоров – THEATER PLAYS (страница 12)

MAN: Can you?

WOMAN: I can do whatever I’m told. I can cry if I want to, laugh if I want to. Whatever’s needed – that I can do.

MAN: I can do whatever I’m told as well.

WOMAN: (to DIRECTOR) So why are we hugging anyway?

DIRECTOR: An embrace is to show everyone that you’re united. And not only politically but spiritually too. Do you understand? You’re friends, like-minded people, you have the same goals, the same interests. The word “unity” is not just a sound to you. No, it’s your credo, your ideal. You’re a family – all for one, one for all. In short, the people is the party and the party is the people. What’s your party’s name? But it’s not important. Embrace.

MAN and WOMAN embrace.

DIRECTOR: (annoyed) Not like that!

MAN: Then how?

DIRECTOR: Not cold, not unfeeling, but in the throes of a shared spiritual impulse!

MAN embraces WOMAN passionately. And he doesn’t stop.

Not like that, damn it!

MAN: What’s wrong now?

DIRECTOR: You pounced on her as if she were someone else’s wife on your first date in a cheap hotel that rents rooms by the hour. I said in the throes of a shared spiritual impulse, not in a rush of lust! Not like that! How many times do I have to say it –slowly and sadly! The way a mother and father embrace over their son’s grave!

WOMAN: Instead of yelling at us, it’d be better for you to show us. A good director doesn’t tell, he shows.

DIRECTOR: A good actor doesn’t need to be shown, and a bad actor won’t be helped by it. But since you don’t understand what I’m saying, I will show you. (embraces CONSULTANT slowly and sadly; this is what he wants from his actors) Now do it again.

MAN and WOMAN embrace again, trying to imitate what they’ve been shown. DIRECTOR frowns.

DIRECTOR: Better already, though far from perfect. Try it one more time.

CONSULTANT’s phone rings. She steps aside to take the call. MAN and WOMAN embrace again.

DIRECTOR: So… Once more… OK, there’s no more time for this now. Practice it between now and tomorrow morning.

CONSULTANT has finished her conversation.

CONSULTANT: Ladies and gentlemen! I regret that I have some sad news for you. A respected member of the opposition has just passed away.

A pause.

WOMAN: How’s that? He just up and passed away?

CONSULTANT: He died in a traffic accident. The police have launched an investigation.

DIRECTOR: But is he dead for sure?

CONSULTANT: Absolutely.

DIRECTOR: So there is going to be a funeral tomorrow?

CONSULTANT: Has anyone canceled it?

DIRECTOR: And will I receive the promised fee tomorrow evening?

MAN: (cheerfully) Of course! I said that he’d die, but you didn’t believe me. I’m a decent person and never mislead my friends.

WOMAN: You don’t mislead your friends because you don’t have any.

MAN: There’s a time and a place for jokes, and this isn’t it.

DIRECTOR: What do we do now?

CONSULTANT: Continue the rehearsal. And be quick about it. The ceremony is to begin tomorrow at three o’clock sharp, right on schedule.

DIRECTOR: Yes, ma’am.

CONSULTANT: But first I have to borrow the prime minister for a moment. In connection with this late-breaking news, we have several arrangements to make. Meanwhile, rehearse with his partner.

CONSULTANT and MAN exit.

DIRECTOR: Well, shall we go on with the rehearsal?

WOMAN: To hell with it! (in a low voice) Now do you understand why I want to lie low in Costa Rica?

DIRECTOR: No, I don’t.

WOMAN: What’s not to understand? I’m scared! Aren’t you?

DIRECTOR: Don’t be silly. What do we have to be afraid of?

WOMAN: (softly, with a frightened look around) Hush!

DIRECTOR: (also looks around; he can’t help himself) There’s no one here.

WOMAN: Did you just fall off a cabbage truck? What about the twelve cameras? And the bugs?

DIRECTOR: How do you know?

WOMAN: This isn’t the first time I’ve been in this studio.

DIRECTOR: (peers about uncertainly) You think…

WOMAN: (interrupting) Yes, I think – go figure. I’m a ditz in your mind, but you’re acting even more stupid. You’re glad that you’ll get your fee, but you don’t understand that the astrologer’s Jupiter and Capricorn prediction might concern you too.

DIRECTOR: Why on earth would it? Who am I bothering?

WOMAN: Have you forgotten the old chestnut about the man who knew too much?

DIRECTOR: (worried) I’m assuming I’ll get my fee tomorrow, and then I’ll bug out to the Congo or your beloved Costa Rica.

WOMAN: Do you want to hop a plane together? Right now?

DIRECTOR: And abandon everything? Before my show?

WOMAN: Let it all go to blue blazes.

DIRECTOR: No, I can’t. To have such a superb spectacle all at the ready and then not see it?

WOMAN: It’s your call. Just don’t regret it afterward.

DIRECTOR: You think it’s as serious as all that?

WOMAN: Quiet! (lowers her voice to a whisper) If anybody calls later and questions you on what we‘re talking about now – Costa Rica and all the rest of it – tell them that we were rehearsing.

DIRECTOR: (clearly scared) Maybe we really should make a run for it?

WOMAN: You seemed all set to fly off to somewhere in Africa. Do you have your passport with you?

DIRECTOR: Yes. What about it?

WOMAN: So let’s slip away right now, while she’s not here. Sneak out and head straight for the airport.

DIRECTOR: You like living dangerously.

WOMAN: You’re just seeing my female intuition in action. Are we making a getaway or not?