Ульяна Солнечная – Whole: from losing yourself to loving yourself (страница 2)
Losing yourself
In the early stage of infatuation, people often dissolve into each other, pushing aside their interests, hobbies, and friends. Over time, this creates imbalance. The person realizes they are no longer themselves—and this brings deep fatigue and a sense of loss.
Unresolved conflicts and stored resentment
When partners don’t know how to discuss problems constructively, resentment accumulates like a snowball. Unspoken irritation requires constant inner suppression—an enormous emotional effort. This is called emotional labor.
The “rescuer” syndrome
When one partner constantly carries the relationship, solves every problem, and supports the other who has taken the role of “victim,” the “rescuer” quickly burns out.
2. Physiological and Biochemical Reasons
The end of “chemical infatuation”
At the beginning of love, the brain releases a cocktail of hormones—dopamine (pleasure and anticipation), oxytocin (bonding and trust), and norepinephrine (euphoria and racing heartbeat). After 1.5–3 years, this hormonal surge naturally declines. Calm attachment replaces passion.
This calmness is often mistaken for “exhaustion” or “loss of love,” though in reality, the relationship is simply entering a more mature phase.
Literal physical exhaustion
Constant stress, sleepless nights due to conflict, and high cortisol levels drain the body. It is impossible for the body to stay in a constant state of tension.
3. Social and Everyday Reasons
Routine and everyday life
Romance often gets overshadowed by daily responsibilities—bills, chores, repairs, raising children. The partner becomes less a source of passion and more a teammate in the “project called life.”
Lack of personal space
When two people spend all their time together without solitude, it creates a feeling of being trapped. A lack of healthy boundaries leads directly to emotional fatigue.
External stresses
Work problems, financial pressures, illness in the family—all fall heavily on a couple. If partners don’t support each other and instead unload their stress on one another, the relationship becomes yet another source of tension instead of a refuge.
What Can You Do About It?
If you or your partner feel tired of love, it’s a sign that something in the relationship needs attention.
1. Talk openly
Share your feelings honestly and without blame.
2. Reclaim personal space
Return to your hobbies. Meet friends. A bit of distance often reignites connection.
3. Introduce novelty
Routine destroys passion. Try doing something new together—travel, sports, a workshop, a course.
4. Learn to rest from each other
This does not mean conflict. It means giving each other space to breathe without guilt.
5. Seek a psychologist
A specialist can help uncover deeper causes and teach healthier ways of resolving conflict.
In the end, we don’t grow tired of love itself.
We grow tired of the challenges that accompany it:
of working on the relationship,
of unrealistic expectations,
of fighting with ourselves and our partner.
Real, mature love is not always passion and euphoria.
More often, it is a calm, conscious choice to be together—
a choice that requires effort
but brings a deeper sense of safety, connection, and support.
**About Me
Learning Not to Suffer**
My name is Uliana Sunny, and my journey has always been—and still remains—both fascinating and thorny. At times difficult, at times light. The book you are holding was born from my life experience, from the inner feminine energy passed down to me through my mother and grandmother, from years of conscious growth, self-searching, and honest encounters with myself.
“Why Sunny?” you may ask.
Because I truly radiate light—toward myself and toward my surroundings. My element is fire. My zodiac sign is Leo. My Soul Number and Destiny Number are both One. The Sun governs me twice. And the lives of people who cross paths with mine inevitably change for the better. Those who share space with me begin to think wider, feel deeper, and see farther—thanks to our conversations and, perhaps, our friendship.
Stay here with me, and your life will begin to change too. Trust me.
… I know what it feels like to try to be convenient, understandable, “suitable” in relationships—and still end up with emptiness inside. I’ve lived through this more than once, and each time I found my way back to myself. Not instantly, but step by step—toward truth, toward my real self. I grew, evolved, changed on the inside and outside, gaining knowledge, experience, and an unshakable foundation.
It took time to understand one simple truth:
you don’t have to become someone else to be loved.
You don’t need to earn love.
You are already worthy of it.
The world is full of women who have proven: everything is possible—to be a leader, a mother, a teacher, an artist, an engineer, a politician, or simply a happy person.
We have no limits—except the ones we place on ourselves.
Life taught me not to listen to those who try to confine or diminish. Believing in myself, I know I have everything I need to make this world better—starting with myself. Tenderness, strength, imagination, practicality, courage, and caution—this unique combination makes us, as women, capable not only of achieving but also inspiring, trying, falling, rising again.
Today I can say it with confidence:
I am Uliana, I am 36, and I am WHOLE.
Yes, I am a woman who searched for herself in life and in love, dissolved, got lost, stayed silent when I wanted to scream or cry. But that was my path—to honesty, to maturity, to true closeness. These were my choices: brave, risky, illogical, spontaneous. And perhaps my honesty will help you find your own.
Because being yourself is not frightening.
Being yourself is beautiful.
Being yourself is what it means to be whole.
I am not a psychologist by education—but I believe I am something more. I want you to trust my experience, and I hope that after reading this book, your life will become better—just like mine did. But for that, you must read it… and you will understand: every girl becomes a woman, and only she holds the power to build her own happiness.
Today I can say with certainty:
I no longer know what true suffering is.
Not because suffering never existed in my life, but because now I see everything differently.
First: I carry within me an inner compass—feminine energy, powerful, warm, and fierce. It came from my mother—a woman whose eyes reflected strength even in the toughest times.