Тони Бьюзен – The Power of Social Intelligence: 10 ways to tap into your social genius (страница 2)

 Having a positive attitude towards yourself

 Having a positive attitude towards others

 Dealing with awkward or embarrassing situations gracefully

 Building good rapport with people

 Standing out in a crowd – for all the right reasons!

A Cautionary Tale of Social Intelligence – Part One

When I was a teenager I thought that the way to become popular was to be ‘smart’ and fit. I went to parties and social events flaunting my high IQ, analysing the faults in others, getting into discussions in which I always tried to prove that my ‘opponents’ were wrong and I was right, and showing off my good (but rigid!) physique.

Having been told that a high IQ and a fit body were the paths to success, I was taken aback by the number of enemies I was unintentionally making, and the lack of friendship my ‘smart/tough/correct’ presence was generating.

My realization that simply winning debates was not the way to social success was helped along by my father. Once, when I had won the battle – the argument – and lost the war in a social situation, my father gave me a little poem that he said would help me improve my social awareness. The poem went as follows:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Grey,

Who died defending his right of way.

He was perfectly right as he sped along

But he’s just as dead as if he’d been wrong!

I began to look around at those who were obviously more socially successful than me. I noticed that they were doing many things that at that time were alien to me, and the opposite of what I had been taught was ‘acceptable behaviour’ in my school life.

The most popular (and most happy!) people were always smiling and laughing and telling jokes (I ‘couldn’t!); they were expressive and open, helpful and considerate of others, and tended to avoid arguments. To make matters even worse for my sensitive teenage soul, they were much more relaxed, much more confident, and much more successful in attracting romance!

Gradually the light began to dawn. My IQ and muscles were not the only strengths I had to develop if I wished to be socially successful: I had to pay attention to the vitally important skills of understanding other people – of interpersonal skills – of Social Intelligence.

The Power of Social Intelligence will help save you the trouble of some of those unnecessary experiences I had, and bring you more rapidly the rewards that this amazing Intelligence can bring.

To survive and prosper in the maelstrom of social interactions and life, it is vital to understand and master the intricacies of this incredible intelligence. And it is not only your social life, and that of others around you that will benefit – being successful socially has a fortunate, immediate and positive impact on your wealth, and on your physical well being, as the following study reveals.

Want a Cure for Your Colds? Live a Varied Social Life!

Psychologist Sheldon Cohen, of Carnegie Mellon University, has confirmed previous studies that suggest that colleagues, relatives, friends and lovers can act as a ‘team’ to help protect you from the common cold. Previous studies suggested that people with more active social lives were both healthier and lived longer. Cohen’s study has refined this finding, pointing out that it is not simply the absolute number of social contacts that is important; it is their diversity.

Cohen and his colleagues recruited 151 women and 125 men and asked them to keep a record of all the people with whom they had contact at least once every two weeks. As well as the number of people contacted, they were asked also to record the diversity of their social network, breaking down their contacts into 12 categories, including neighbours, colleagues, parents, partners, etc.

The women and men were then exposed to the common cold virus and a record of their rate of infection was also kept.

Of those people with fewer relationships and with restricted social networks, 62 per cent developed colds. However, only 35 per cent of people with relationships from six or more of the categories developed a cold. Cohen theorizes that one of the reasons for the greater immunity is that diverse social networks induced a ‘feel-good factor’ that boosts the ability of the immune system to attack invading viruses.

The Power of Social Intelligence – An Overview

The Power of Social Intelligence is divided into 10 chapters, each one building on the others to help you accelerate the growth of your Social Intelligence as you progress through the book. This chapter, Chapter 1, has given you a quick insight into the importance and potential power of your Social IQ. Here is an overview of the rest of the book.

Chapter 2: Reading People – Body Language and How to Master It

More than half of all communication is through body language. In this chapter I will explain how you project an image of yourself through your body language, and how to read other people through theirs. The human body is a remarkable instrument. It plays the ‘music of communication’ in very subtle ways. If you learn to play it well, your social rewards will be great.

Chapter 3: The Art of Listening

The most Socially Intelligent people are not the ones who say the most – they are the ones who listen the most. In this chapter I will introduce you to the art and science of listening, showing you simple ways in which you can become a master of conversation by saying less!

Remember: you have one mouth and two ears. Think about it!

Chapter 4: Making Connections

It is the natural goal of every human being to want to win friends, to influence people, to be popular, to converse easily, to negotiate with others successfully, and to deal with social relationships in a way that produces the results they desire. Read this chapter and find out how!

Chapter 5: How to Shine in Groups

This chapter will show you how you can stand out from the crowd, and how you can use your brain to impress others at any social gathering!

Chapter 6: ‘Attitood’ About Attitude

Your attitude profoundly affects not only your behaviour, but also the behaviour of others around you, and therefore the behaviour of others with whom they interact, and so on in the giant ripple effect that spreads around the entire world. Your own self-confidence is the key to relating with others. I will explain the effects of peer pressure, and reveal one of the most important things that you can give your children.

Chapter 7: Negotiations – How to Win Friends and Influence People

How do you make sure that in any negotiations, both parties come away pleased with the outcome? How can you resolve disagreements and conflicts amicably? This chapter will show you everything you need to know!

Chapter 8: Social Graces – Or What to Do When …

Little gestures that show that you care are immensely Socially Intelligent. This chapter will give you a guide to understanding how such gestures work, and how you can use them for your own benefit and happiness.

Chapter 9: Signposts for Social Success

Developing your Social Intelligence will inevitably give you greater social status and influence. You can apply everything you have learned to guarantee your growing future success. This chapter introduces a great Social Intelligence Star, who is the epitome of the power and qualities of Social Intelligence.

Chapter 10: The ‘Power of Ten’

In the final chapter I explain how Social Intelligence is but one among many intelligences we all have, and how each one of your Multiple Intelligence interacts and strengthens all the others.

To help you in your journey, The Power of Social Intelligence features a host of apposite quotes, self-check exercises, fascinating stories and case histories. The book also has some special features:

 Mind Maps®. Mind Maps® are amazing thinking tools designed to help you see, outside your head, the ‘maps of thought’ that are inside your head! Mind Maps® use all the ‘equipment’ your whole brain uses every day to recognize, understand and remember things, including words, lines, colours and images. Mind Maps® simply make things easier for you wherever and whenever you use them. They are ‘Friends of your Brain’.

 Social Workouts. All the following chapters contain a Social Intelligence Workout – games and fun exercises that will help you develop and strengthen this Master Intelligence. You can look on them as your Mental Gymnasium – a place where you go to increase the strength, flexibility and stamina of your Social Intelligence muscles!

 Social Brain Boosters. These Brain Boosters take the form of Intentions or Affirmations. By repeating them to yourself on a regular basis, you will build up the maps of thought about these intentions in your head, and will increase the probability that what they say will become part of your new social behaviour and growing Social Intelligence. They have been specially designed to protect you from some of the pitfalls of incomplete and inaccurate Positive Thinking modes of thought.

Reading People –

Body Language and How To Master It

Chapter Two

‘Use what language you will, you can never say anything but what you are.’