Тилли Бэгшоу – The Show: Racy, pacy and very funny! (страница 6)

The new vicar of St Hilda’s, the Reverend Clempson, had already become the butt of numerous jokes down at The Fox, even before the Great Ramblers’ Showdown. In his mid-twenties, with a boyish face and an unfortunately earnest manner, Reverend Clempson had been transferred to the Swell Valley from a trendy North London parish. His invitation to the largely elderly, dyed-in-the-wool-conservative population of Fittlescombe to ‘Call me Bill’ had gone down like the proverbial turd in a swimming pool. Used to the equally elderly, equally conservative Reverend Slaughter, many in the congregation were still getting over the shock of a new vicar who voted Labour, openly supported gay marriage, and wore T-shirts around the vicarage emblazoned with slogans, reportedly including the unforgivable: ‘I roll with God’ next to a picture of a suspicious-looking leaf. Call-me-Bill’s arrival, and subsequent set-to at Wraggsbottom Farm, had been the talk of the valley, until the Wellesleys came along and trumped him.

‘Why don’t you come back to Furlings for tea?’ Angela offered Penny. ‘No offence but you do look a bit of a fright. Something hot and sweet would do you good.’

‘Thanks,’ said Penny. ‘I’d love to.’ She turned to say goodbye to Gabe but he was already wrestling his children out of the door, his shopping jutting out precariously from underneath Luca’s stroller.

Max, Angela and Penny followed him towards the exit. Mrs Preedy called after them: ‘Mrs de la Cruz? That’ll be one pound sixty for the apple juice. I expect you forgot to pay in all the excitement.’

‘I’m so sorry!’ Penny blushed again, scrambling in her purse for the change.

‘All the excitement, indeed,’ muttered Max Bingley. ‘A libidinous old tax dodger just moves in down the road. Does anybody really care?’

Sadly, he already knew the answer to that.

‘This is a bloody joke. D’you think he’s done a bunk and ’opped on a plane to the Seychelles with one of his mistresses?’

Harry Trent rubbed his hands together to keep out the cold. A veteran from the Sun, Harry had been shivering at the bottom of Riverside Hall drive since eight o’clock this morning. His back ached, he was starving, and if Fast Eddie didn’t put in an appearance soon, he was going to miss the start of the Arsenal game.

‘I doubt it.’ Sasha McNally from Sky News was equally fed up with the long wait. ‘He wants to get back into politics, apparently, so I’m sure he’ll be on his best behaviour. They probably got a flat tyre or something. Shit!’ She grabbed her microphone. ‘Here he comes!’

A black BMW with darkened windows approached the gates at a stately pace.

‘Wasn’t he picked up in a Bentley?’ Harry asked.

‘Told you. Flat tyre,’ said Sasha. ‘If he had to change motors, that explains the delay.’

The gates swung inwards. As the car drove forward, the press pack surged behind it, like a swarm of bees around its queen, shouting questions before the door had even opened.

‘Sir Edward!’

‘Eddie!’

‘How does it feel to be back?’

Then the door opened. A boy of about seventeen stepped out, smiling broadly.

‘All this fuss for me?’ he asked, pulling a suitcase out of the boot. ‘I’m honoured, but it’s really not necessary.’

With his mop of blond hair and piercing blue eyes, Milo Wellesley looked a lot more like his mother than his father. But the cheeky smile and easy confident manner were Eddie to a T.

Milo zeroed in on Sasha. She was old, thirty at least, but she had a pretty face and amazing knockers. ‘You look freezing,’ he said gallantly. ‘Would you like to come inside and warm up? I’m sure Mummy would be happy to offer you a cup of tea.’

‘Milo!’ Annabel’s voice rang out through the cold air like a bell. ‘What are you doing here?’

It was the first time the front door had opened all day. Immediately the reporters surged forwards, their cameras click-click-clicking as they ran.

‘Get inside! Now!’

Reluctantly, Milo turned away from Sasha.

‘You don’t happen to have a hundred quid on you, do you?’ he asked his mother sheepishly. ‘For the taxi? I seem to be a bit short.’

A ripple of laughter ran through the assembled press.

‘Like father like son, eh?’

Mortified, Annabel darted back inside for her handbag, then came out to pay the driver. Click, click, click. In all the commotion, few people noticed Fast Eddie’s Bentley pulling up behind them. By the time they’d turned their various cameras and boom mikes back round, their long-awaited quarry was already halfway up the steps to the front door.

‘Hello, Milo.’ Eddie clapped his son warmly on the back. ‘I wasn’t expecting you here. Shouldn’t you be at school?’

‘Oh, that. Sort of. I’ll explain later.’

Milo slipped inside, leaving Annabel frozen on the doorstep like an ice sculpture.

‘Hello, darling. Sorry I’m late.’

Eddie leaned forward to kiss her. She hugged him stiffly, her arms opening and closing like a puppet’s as the cameras clicked away. This was exactly what she hadn’t wanted: a public reunion. She could cheerfully have strangled Milo.

Eddie turned to face the media while the chauffeur brought in his case.

‘It’s good to see you all and great to be home,’ he announced. ‘I’m looking forward to the next chapter in my life and to getting back to work.’

The questions came like bullets.

‘What sort of work?’

‘Are you planning a return to politics?’

‘Has the prime minister been in touch?’

Eddie smiled graciously. ‘I’m sure you’ll understand this is a private family moment. All I want right now is a cup of tea with my wife. Thank you.’

Ushering Annabel inside, he closed the door behind them.

‘I’ve missed you.’ He pulled her to him.

Annabel said nothing.

‘The house looks beautiful.’

‘Thank you. Where have you been? I expected you hours ago.’

‘Oh, we stopped off for lunch in Winchester,’ Eddie said nonchalantly. ‘You’ll never guess who I ran into afterwards?’

Annabel wasn’t in the mood for guessing games. She was still trying to get over the ‘stopped for lunch’ part.

‘Charles French!’ Eddie beamed, apparently oblivious to his wife’s displeasure. ‘You remember Charles, my literary agent? Anyway, I invited him and his wife for dinner.’

What little colour Annabel had left drained from her face. ‘You invited him for dinner?’

‘Yes.’

‘Here? Tonight?’

‘Yes.’

‘Eddie, you’ve just got out of prison.’

‘Exactly. So I thought it might be quite jolly to have some friends round. And we can talk about the book. You know, the prison memoirs.’

Annabel forced herself to count to five before speaking.

‘You should have asked me, Eddie. I don’t have a cook. I’ve nothing prepared.’

‘Charles won’t mind. As long as there’s wine. Milo can go and pick us up something in Chichester.’

Annabel could barely speak.

‘Milo!’ Eddie yelled up the stairs. ‘Make yourself useful and go and do the shopping for your mother. We’re having guests for dinner tonight.’

Milo appeared on the landing. ‘Great. Am I invited?’

‘No. It’s business. You can walk down to the pub for supper. Oh, and FYI, if you’ve been chucked out of Harrow it’s the end of the line. I mean it. No more school fees. You can get a bloody job.’

‘Oh, Dad.’

‘Don’t “Oh, Dad” me. I mean it. Have you been expelled?’

‘Let’s talk about it later.’ Grabbing his mother’s car keys and purse, Milo wisely slipped out of the door.