Teresa Carpenter – Twin Ties, Twin Joys: The Boss's Double Trouble Twins / Twins for a Christmas Bride / Baby Twins: Parents Needed (страница 12)

He glanced over as she started the engine. In truth, he’d been impressed by the way she’d handled herself. She was good at what she did, good at talking to contractors, good at holding her own when the going got tough. Funny how that opened a whole new side of her to him, a side he’d never thought about during that weekend in Paris.

But it didn’t change anything. It didn’t help him to get over this weird fascination. He still wanted her with a deep, throbbing ache that wouldn’t go away, no matter how much he tried to ignore it.

He’d spent the last two days trying to figure out a way this was going to work. At first he’d thought maybe he would get used to having her around all day. After all, there were plenty of other beautiful women at ACW. Just that morning he’d flirted with a lot of them. Unfortunately, as pleasurable as it had been to be lionized by a group of lovely ladies, he’d found himself looking at his watch and wondering whether Darcy had come in to work yet long before his welcome party was over.

Which just went to prove that this situation was impossible. He couldn’t work with her. It was slow torture to see her and not be able to touch her. He looked at her now as she turned onto the highway. She was wearing a short, tailored skirt that rode up enough to display a nice view of her gorgeous legs. Just watching the interplay of muscles as she worked the accelerator made his blood begin to race a little faster.

It was a bittersweet reaction that came up all the time. A part of him reveled in his instant response to this woman, and another part rejected it, trying to turn it back before it caused him to make another mistake.

But it still happened every time she walked past him and he caught a hint of her fresh, sweet scent, every time she spoke to someone else in the outer office and he sat with his eyes closed listening to her cool, rich voice, every time she got up from her desk and he watched surreptitiously as she walked away toward the elevator, her silky hair rippling sensually, her round little bottom swaying impertinently, while sweet desire surged in his body, and cold, hard reproach stirred in his brain. No other woman had ever played with both his mental and physical response the way Darcy Connors did. He loved it and hated it at the same time.

And that was why he should be working to get her out of his daily life.

“How close are we to the perimeter of the Heartland Project?” he asked suddenly, realizing they must be passing near it.

She looked at him sideways. “There’s a pullout at that hill ahead that gives a pretty good overview of the eastern boundary,” she said. “I’ve got a pair of binoculars in the glove compartment.”

“Great. Let’s stop and take a look.”

“Sure.”

She pulled off the highway at the viewing area, rolling up to the thick guardrails.

“Here we are,” she noted.

“Great,” he said. “I really want to get a good look at this.” He gazed at her earnestly. “But first I want to talk about our situation for a minute.”

She threw him a startled look, but she did as he suggested, turning off the engine and turning toward him in the car. She didn’t say a word, waiting for him to take the lead.

“Okay, here’s the deal,” he said firmly, determined not to show how mixed his feelings were about her. “We can’t deny that we made two children together. And of course that it’s as much my problem as yours.”

She reacted as though he’d attacked her. “My babies are not a problem!”

He frowned, regretting his wording. “Darcy, relax. I didn’t mean it that way exactly.”

She was glaring at him. “Obviously they are a problem for you.”

He sighed, not sure how they’d gotten off to such a bad start so quickly. “That’s really not fair, Darcy. You knew from the beginning that my life was going to be nomadic. That I never expected to have a wife or kids because I couldn’t be fair to them. I never pretended otherwise.”

She took a deep breath and nodded. “I know,” she said softly, her tone almost as good as an apology.

“Okay. Listen, first of all I want to commend you for having the babies. I know that’s easy for me to say, not being with you or even knowing it was happening at the time. You went through it all by yourself for nine months. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. And how much I admire you for it.”

“It was a beautiful period of my life,” she said somewhat defensively. There had been plenty of not-so-beautiful things about it, of course, but she wasn’t going to whine about them.

“That may be,” he said. “But I know it was hard.”

She bit her lip. If he kept being so nice about things, she would start to cry. Her eyes were already stinging and she knew what that meant, but she refused to let it happen. She would not cry in front of him! If tears came she was going to jump out of the car and throw herself over the edge and into the canyon.

Well, not really. But thinking that gave her the strength to hold back the emotions that tried to overwhelm her.

“So, tell me this,” he went on, staring out at the plains stretching out away from their position instead of looking her in the eye. “Why didn’t you put them up for adoption?”

A sense of shock, very near horror, shot through her. Anger came tumbling behind it, but she pushed it back. She was going to stay calm if it killed her.

“I guess I’m just too selfish,” she said gently.

He nodded. “You did consider it?”

“Of course. I went for counseling about it. I met some wonderful couples looking for babies, people who would have given my boys a great life, probably better than anything I can give them. But in the end …” She shook her head. “I just couldn’t do it. I wanted them so much.”

He nodded again. “Okay. And you’re holding to that decision?”

She stared at him. Just the fact that he could ask a question like that showed how little he understood what parenthood was all about.

“Are you asking me to consider giving them up now? Are you insane?”

He held up a hand. “Okay, okay. I just wanted to make sure. I want to get things perfectly clear between us.” He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I think we need to establish a base so that we can figure out how we’re going to do this. I want to provide for them in an equitable way so that the burden isn’t entirely on you.”

She stared at him, vaguely aware that he was still talking, going on about monthly payments and trust funds and clothing allowances. He hadn’t said a thing about the boys themselves. He wanted to start writing checks to remove himself from the entire mess. He just didn’t get it, did he? The anger that had been simmering bubbled up.

“Stop,” she said firmly. “I don’t want to hear it. It’s not money that I need from you.”

He looked surprised. “If you’re talking about … well, commitments, Darcy, you know I can’t …”

She looked away, avoiding his eyes. “I know that. I’m not asking you to completely change your life around.”

“So what exactly are you asking from me, Darcy?” he asked softly.

She closed her eyes. It was a darn good question. What she wanted in her heart of hearts was something impossible and she didn’t even bother bringing it up. Opening her eyes again, she turned and met his gaze. This was so important. If only she could find the right words to make him understand how very important it really was.

“I’ve tried to think this through and define what’s best for the boys,” she said. “They need a dad. You’re the first choice. You don’t have to marry me to be their dad, you know. If you could imagine just being a presence in their lives …”

Her voice choked and she stopped. He made a move toward her, but she pulled back.

“If you don’t think you can do that,” she went on in a rush, “I wish you’d tell me right away. Because I’ll have to find someone else to be their father-figure.”

His blue eyes registered shock at that. “What do you mean?”

She straightened her shoulders, regaining her strength. “I think that was pretty clear. I’ll need to marry someone. Someone else,” she added hastily.

“Someone else? Who?”

She shook her head, feeling stronger all the time. “Oh, I don’t know. There are a few candidates.”

“Kevin?” he asked, a hint of scorn in his tone.

She shrugged. “He’s a possibility. But actually, I was thinking more along the lines of …” She hesitated, wondering if she really wanted to say this, then rushed ahead. “Bert Lensen in accounting.”

“Bert Lensen?” He frowned. “Isn’t he that short, chubby, balding guy?”

“Yes. Very nice man. Not married. Seems to like me. Always asks about the twins.”

“Uh-huh” He shook his head, looking skeptical. He was beginning to suspect he was being snowed. “I don’t know, Darcy. I just don’t see you with a man like that.”

“No?” Her eyes flashed. “Well, think again. He’s perfect, actually.”

“Perfect! You’re not serious.”

“Sure. I’m not looking for a weekend fling,” she said pointedly. “I’m looking for a ‘slow and steady wins the race’ sort of guy. I need a real father for my children. I need someone reliable.”

“Unlike me.”

She drew breath deep down into her lungs. She could read a deep sense of injury in his gaze. She hadn’t meant to hurt him, just make him think a little.