Сара Крейвен – To Claim His Mistress: Mistress at a Price / Mother and Mistress / His Mistress's Secret (страница 12)

He walked over to the chair where his discarded clothes were piled and began to pull them on. It didn’t take long. He faced her in faded khaki pants, which closely hugged his lean hips and long legs, and a black V-necked sweater in thin wool, his bare feet thrust into loafers.

He said, unsmilingly, ‘So—what’s on your mind?’

Her whole body clenched in yearning as she looked at him. She swallowed.

‘I need you to know that everything that’s happened between us has been—wonderful,’ she began. ‘Last night was unbelievable—the most exciting of my entire life.’

Liam leaned a shoulder against the wall. ‘Thank you,’ he said. His eyes were guarded—watchful. ‘I think. For what it’s worth, I found it totally amazing too. And unforgettable.’ He paused. ‘But if you’re now about to tell me that this—brief encounter of ours is all there is to it,’ he went on grimly, ‘that you’ve decided for some reason to lock me out of Paradise, then I have to warn you, lady, that you’ve got a fight on your hands.’

‘No,’ she said. ‘That’s not what I mean at all. More than anything I want to go on seeing you.’

‘I’d like to feel encouraged by that,’ he said slowly. ‘But somehow I can’t. I wonder why?’

Cat decided to ignore that. She said, ‘Do you want to know why I found our time together so exciting?’

‘I thought it might be because we clearly wanted each other so desperately,’ he said. He shrugged a shoulder. ‘But what do I know?’

‘And because it was so unexpected,’ she said eagerly. ‘So—overwhelming. We met—we made love.’

‘I don’t recall it being quite that simple,’ Liam said drily. ‘But go on.’

‘One of the things that made it special was that we knew so little about each other. We weren’t bogged down in a lot of extraneous detail. We both knew what we wanted, and we went for it. It added an extra dimension—a kind of danger. Because we were free.’ She paused, giving his expressionless face an anxious look. ‘You must have felt that too.’

‘I think I was probably too sexually enthralled to dwell much on the philosophical ramifications,’ Liam drawled. ‘It’s a man thing. But I’m still listening.’

Cat was shaking inside suddenly, but she threw her head back with an assumption of confidence. ‘I don’t want to lose that excitement—that edge.’

‘You feel that could happen? You’re threatened by the prospect of lunch in Richmond?’ His smile did not reach his eyes.

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I think it’s a risk if we get involved in things like that. In walks and talks and theatre trips. In meeting each other’s friends and all the usual banal stuff.’

‘I don’t consider my friends banal,’ he said. ‘I can’t, of course, speak for yours, but I’d have thought it unlikely.’

Cat gestured impatiently. ‘That was just an illustration.’ She paused. ‘But do you see what I’m getting at?’

‘I’m not sure,’ Liam said slowly. ‘At least, I hope I’m not. Maybe you should be more specific.’

She took a very deep breath. ‘I want to go on seeing you. I want us to be lovers, just as we’ve been here. Meeting on completely neutral territory. Not asking any questions or imposing any obligations. Just—enjoying each other.’

He turned and looked out of the window. He was very still, but Cat could sense the tension in him like a coiled spring.

‘And then parting?’

‘Well, yes,’ she admitted lamely. ‘Until the next time.’

‘So,’ he said. ‘That’s all you want from me? Sex in a series of hotel rooms just like this? Paid for by the hour?’

‘No,’ Cat denied swiftly. ‘It’s far more than that. Something completely separate from our everyday selves, and infinitely special. A private affair with a secret lover. Knowing each other’s names, but nothing else. Passion without commitment.’ She paused, wishing she didn’t have to speak to his taut back. ‘Doesn’t that turn you on just a little?’

Liam swung round, and Cat gasped and fell back, confronted by the blaze of anger in his eyes.

‘Frankly, no.’ His voice bit. ‘I think you must be out of your mind even to suggest it.’

‘Why?’ she flared in turn. ‘Because the idea’s coming from me—the female of the species—and setting up a discreet liaison is a male preserve? Isn’t that just a tad hypocritical?’

Two long strides brought him to her. His hands gripped her arms, the fingers digging into her flesh. His face looked stark, stripped to the bone. ‘You try to set me up as your tame stud and you expect me to be bloody pleased? What the hell do you think I am?’

She tried to pull away. ‘Liam—you’re hurting me…’

‘Hurting you?’ he said, his voice shaking. ‘My God, I’d like to—’

He stopped, biting his lip savagely, then released her with a contemptuous gesture, turning away from her again.

When he spoke again his voice was cool and even. ‘And when passion fades—what then?’

She hesitated. ‘Then we finish it, quietly and sensibly, like adult people.’

‘Ah, yes,’ he said. ‘Rather like putting down a wounded animal.’ He paused, looking back at her, his eyes hooded. ‘Tell me something—how many other men have been offered this enticing proposition, just as a matter of interest?’

She looked down at the carpet. ‘None,’ she denied quietly. ‘I—I thought I’d found the perfect lover at last—and I wanted to go on seeing you.’

‘But only in secret,’ Liam said with icy scorn. ‘And on your terms, at designated locations and specific times. Two anonymous bodies joining, then separating. Contact without contact. How incredibly romantic.’

Cat lifted her chin. ‘You can’t bear it because I’ve been honest with you,’ she accused. ‘Because I’ve made it clear I don’t want to get involved in a full-blown relationship. If the situation was reversed no doubt it would be perfectly acceptable. But because I refuse to be trotted out as the official girlfriend when you need someone to take to a party,’ she added heatedly, ‘or I balk at cooking meals for you at the weekends and taking your clothes to the dry cleaners, then I suddenly become a Grade A tart.’

‘I took you to bed, sweetheart,’ he said harshly. ‘That does not make you an authority on my domestic arrangements or necessarily a candidate for any kind of commitment on my part, whatever you may wish to think. You’re way ahead of yourself there.’

‘It was you,’ she said, ‘who mentioned lunch and a stroll in Richmond Park.’

‘That was my mistake.’ His tone grated across her skin. ‘It won’t be repeated.’ He walked across the room to the door, where he paused, looking back at her.

“‘The Cat that walks by herself”,’ he quoted with icy mockery. ‘I should have taken that nonsense more seriously.’

‘Liam.’ Her voice trembled, and she could taste the salt of tears in her throat. Tears that she refused to shed. ‘Don’t leave like this—please. Let’s talk about it. Let me make you understand. You see—I—I want you.’

‘That’s unfortunate,’ he said. ‘Because you can’t have me.’ He shook his head. ‘I just hope that you don’t find it too lonely out there, sweetheart—while you’re searching for my replacement.’

And the door closed behind him.

Cat stood rigidly, staring in front of her, her hands clenched at her sides.

CHAPTER FIVE

‘I CAN’T let him go like this. I can’t…’ Cat whispered, as finally she shook free of her trance-like state and forced herself to move. She ran to the door and flung it open, but the corridor outside was empty. All the other doors were inimically shut.

Slowly, she retired back into her own room and sat down on the edge of the bed, wrapping her arms round her body in a gesture of bewildered self-protection as she struggled to master her breathing.

She could hardly believe his uncompromising reaction to her plan. She’d expected initial incredulity—even to be laughed at—and probably an argument. But not the kind of anger that flayed the skin from her bones. Nor had she anticipated that he’d walk out on her with such finality.

And if I had caught up with him? she thought. What could I have said? That I was sorry? That it was all a joke and I didn’t mean it? Because it wouldn’t be true.

She had wanted to be honest with him. Had needed to make him understand the limitations of any relationship between them.

But Liam hadn’t wanted the secret, passionate affair she’d offered. In fact it wasn’t certain that he’d been in the market for an affair at all, she thought, feeling her face warm as she recalled his scathing comment. Maybe, as he’d told her, she’d taken far too much for granted, and his only intention had been a brief sexual interlude to enliven a dreary weekend in the country.

After which it would have been thanks and goodbye.

Which hardly justified him seizing the moral high ground, but some men seemed adept at taking the double standard in their stride, and perhaps he was one of them.

Except that she didn’t really believe it, Cat told herself in sudden fierce negation. Whatever he might have said or done.

He wanted me, she thought. I know he did. But not enough to accept my terms. But I can’t offer more. I dare not. Not to him, or anyone.

Dear God, I’ve only known hi m for a few hours, and I already feel as if the heart’s being ripped out of my body. How could I possibly allow him closer, to become a real part of my life, when I’m halfway to falling in love with him already? And, however absurd that may be, I simply can’t risk it.