Роман Алексеев – The Abyss Kisses Ya Back (страница 6)

"Well, yeah. Dima's great, but he's... simple. And you're complicated."

She said it without any judgment, just stating a fact. But it seemed to me that "complicated" was a good thing.

The sun emerged from behind the forest, and the world burst into gold. The mist over the water began to thin, and details on the far shore came into focus — individual trees, a small dock, someone's boat.

"Beautiful," Vika sighed.

"Yeah. And you know what? I don't want to explain it. I just want to look."

She laughed:

"Yesterday you said knowledge kills beauty."

"It doesn't kill it. But sometimes you just want to be, without thinking."

"Then don't think."

And I didn't think. We sat and watched as the sun rose over the water, as the mist vanished, as the world woke up. And it was more beautiful than any philosophical reflection.

Then Vika suddenly asked:

"Sash, have you ever been in love?"

My heart dropped into my stomach. The question was unexpected and very direct.

"That's... a complicated question," I mumbled.

"Why complicated? Yes or no."

"I'm not sure I know what real love is."

"And fake love?"

"Fake love is when you like someone's looks. Or when you want to make an impression. Or when you're just lonely."

"And real love?"

I looked at her. At her face, lit by the morning sun. At her eyes, which held genuine curiosity. At her lips, which were asking questions whose answers could change my whole life.

"Real love is when you want to understand a person. Really understand them. And you want them to understand you. And you want to think about important things together. And you want to be silent together and have it feel good. And you want... you want the world to get bigger and brighter when that person is near."

Vika listened without looking away. Then she asked quietly:

"And does that actually happen?"

"I don't know. I think it does."

"For you?"

I took a breath. Now or never.

"Maybe," I said, looking into her eyes. "Maybe right now."

She didn't look away. Didn't laugh. Didn't tell me I was crazy. She just looked at me, very seriously.

"Sash..."

"I know — adult life, all that... But it seems to me... it seems to me that with you I could get through all of it. That with you, life would be interesting."

The sun had risen fairly high by now, and its rays were playing on the water in thousands of golden sparks. Somewhere in the distance, voices could be heard — Dima and Lena must have woken up.

"To me too," Vika said, very quietly. "It seems to me too that with you it would be interesting."

And then what had to happen happened. We kissed. The first time in my life — and in hers. Clumsy, careful, but sincere.

Afterward, Vika blushed and turned away:

"Dima and Lena will be up. They'll come looking for us."

"Yeah, probably."

But neither of us was in any hurry to get up. We sat side by side, and I couldn't believe this was happening to me. That the girl I'd liked for half a year had said she found me interesting, too. That we'd kissed at sunrise by the water, like in some movie.

"Sash," she said, still not turning around, "so what happens now?"

"I don't know. What's supposed to happen?"

"Well... we're... kind of... together now?"

My heart was pounding so hard I thought it must be audible on the far shore.

"If you want to be."

"I do."

Just one word, and the world flipped upside down. I had a girlfriend. A first real girlfriend, one I could talk to about important things and who understood. One I wanted to plan a future with.

We got back to camp just as Dima was crawling out of his tent with the look of a man ready to search for his missing comrades across the entire surrounding area.

"Ah, there you are!" he exclaimed. "I was starting to think a bear got you."

"What bear in the Moscow suburbs?" Lena observed practically, peeking out of her tent.

"Fine, not a bear — aliens, then," Dima persisted. "We were talking about contact with other civilizations just last night."

Vika laughed, and I thought that her laugh now belonged a little bit to me, too. A strange feeling — like something inside me had spread its wings.

The day passed in the usual camping routines — we swam, fried potatoes, played cards, sang songs again. But everything was different. I felt older, more confident. From time to time Vika would catch my eye and smile a special smile — just for me.

Dima seemed to suspect something, but he was tactful enough not to pry. And Lena was too busy drawing up a meal schedule and making sure everyone was sunbathing properly.

In the evening, when we were sitting around the fire again, Vika suddenly asked:

"Hey, let's dream a little? About where we'll be in ten years?"

"Interesting idea," Dima agreed. "You go first."

"Well..." Vika thought for a moment. "I'll probably be a psychologist. I'll have my own practice, and I'll help people figure themselves out. And I'll have a family. A husband who understands my work. Maybe kids."

She glanced at me, and I understood she was partly saying it for me.

"And I'll be a doctor," Lena picked up. "Definitely a doctor. Maybe a pediatrician — I love kids. Or a surgeon — I like it when you can help concretely, with your hands. And family... I don't know. If I meet the right person — great. If not — that's fine too."

"Dima, your turn," I said.

"And I'll be..." Dima scratched the back of his head. "Honestly, I don't really have a clear picture. Maybe a programmer. Or an engineer. Something with tech. Or maybe a musician — I mean, look how good I am on guitar!"

He struck a chord to back up his words.

"The main thing is for the work to be interesting. And for us to stay friends. For us to get together like this again, only not at Istrinskoye, but somewhere on a real lake. In the taiga, say."

"And you, Sash?" Vika asked.

I looked into the fire and thought. What would I be doing in ten years? Before this morning, I'd pictured myself as a philosopher-scholar, immersed in the eternal questions of existence. And now...

"I'll be studying consciousness," I said at last. "What it is, how it's structured, whether it can be created artificially. It's the biggest riddle of all — what 'I' is, what thought is, whether there's such a thing as a soul..."

"Serious questions," Dima observed.