Roberta Mezzabarba – The Confessions Of A Concubine (страница 10)
"What's wrong, baby? What are you afraid of, you know that I love you? Don’t you know that? So let yourself go. I've never wanted anyone like I want you right now."
His gestures became insistent.
My hands still crossed on my chest did not loosen.
It was he who capitulated.
"And that's fine. I understand, you need time."
He kissed me for moments that seemed
incredibly long.
He whispered words to me that I had never heard, filling me with unknown sensations, kissing me, on my eyelids, my eyes closed.
***
Under the hot jet of the shower.
Not moving.
Thinking of him.
With eyes wide open, see everything that happened again, like in a movie.
Incredible.
I was still feeling my heart beating furiously, when I looked out of the basement to see if I could go upstairs without anyone seeing me.
Holding the handrail anchored to the wall and quickly climbing the stairs.
Still aware of the neon light of the supermarket that hurt my eyes accustomed to the dark.
And finding myself answering a customer with
forced ease who asked me where she could find the crispbread.
Seeing Pietro again from my desk a few minutes later, coming back into the office, winking at me as he asks me for the packing slips from the mineral water supplier.
The water runs over my nape and slides down my back. There is no soap that can wash away the thoughts that are crowding my mind.
Or maybe I don’t want to wash everything away.
This will be my secret.
Our secret.
The small joy of each day.
The red notebook is waiting in my bag, Filippo is sleeping in the armchair with the remote control in his hand, the television tuned to one of those insane programs that I detest from the bottom of my heart.
I write.
9.
Discoveries