Полина Саймонс – Tully (страница 24)

New Year’s Eve was better. Shakie, the Homecoming Queen threw a party, and everybody went. Even Julie seemed to be having a marginally good time with Tom. But it was Jennifer who held Tully at attention most of the evening, for Jennifer spent most of the evening with Jack. In fact he never left her side. Tully did not waste time looking at Jennifer’s face, knowing already what she would find there. Instead, she watched Jack to see what was in his. It was hard to tell with Jack. For one, he was drunk. And two, his face was the kind of face that would not be read easily. It seemed composed even under the glaze of alcohol. But his hands touched Jen’s shoulders and arms, touched her face and her neck. His eyes laughed with her, and so did his mouth. Bending his head down to talk to her Jack almost seemed tender to Tully. Tender- what an absurd word! Yet tenderness was what came to her mind when she saw Jack looking at Jennifer. And familiarity, too. Sort of like he knew her face well. Who can tell? Who can tell anything. Who can tell even heaven from hell. But Tully didn’t hum the familiar beloved Pink Floyd tune, not even under her breath. The small prickle of anxiety about Jennifer was suddenly too sharp for singing.

Jack is a popular football captain, thought Tully. That should tell me everything I need to know about his feelings for Jennifer. But all Tully wanted was what Jennifer wanted, and all Jennifer wanted was Jack.

They said good-bye to 1978 and greeted 1979 with champagne and kisses and ‘Auld Lang Syne.’ Robin kissed Tully, and she smiled and squeezed his arm. I don’t need to sing a song to figure out what he is feeling, she thought. She lost sight of Jennifer for a moment and then couldn’t find her again anywhere. Not her, not Jack.

5

Jennifer closed her eyes and then opened them again in a hurry. Yes, sir. He is here. Open your eyes, Jen, all you wanna do is look at him and you’re closing your eyes? What’s the matter with you?

She assumed they were driving to his house. He didn’t make it clear. Right before midnight, he whispered to her, ‘Let’s get out of here,’ and then said little else. Did Jack perhaps think they were going to Jennifer’s house? He seemed very drunk.

Okay, Jen, hold on to the wheel with both hands, steady on, now, girl, and drive. You’ll have plenty of time to look at him. Just drive now. Must be well past midnight, she thought. Did he ask me to drive him home or did I just volunteer? Does he even know where his home is? Look at him, will you just look at him. Jennifer, drive the car, steady on.

At Lakeside Drive, Jack asked her to come in. No one seemed to be home. ‘No one’s home,’ he confirmed, disappearing into the bathroom. Jennifer sat on the sofa and looked around. She was in the back room – the family room. It had been a long time since the last time she was at his house. Nearly a year, she guessed. She had always liked this room. It had a lot of pretty white-painted wicker furniture and many plants.

Jennifer looked up as Jack handed her a Coke. ‘Your favorite, right?’ he said. She wanted to tell him that no, wrong, he was her favorite, but thought that was too trite.

He sat down next to her and touched her hair. ‘Your hair feels so nice, so soft,’ he murmured. ‘You smell so good, I love the way you smell. I’ve always loved the way you smell.’

‘Always?’ she asked.

‘Always,’ Jack confirmed, moving Jen’s hair to expose her neck. She helped him, and he leaned over and kissed it, kissed her neck. Jennifer leaned into him and Jack kissed her throat all over. Jennifer wanted to keep her eyes open so she could look at him, so that she could look at him kissing her throat, but that was just impossible. As soon as his lips touched her neck, her eyes closed.

She wrapped her hand around his neck and with her other hand touched his face like a blind person. At first Jack was kissing her gently, then his kissing got more urgent; his mouth ran up her jaw and he began to kiss her lips, roughly and gently, roughly and gently. Jennifer tried to keep track of what he was doing to her, but it seemed her brain, like her eyes, closed as well. Keeping track was clearly not possible. She stopped keeping track of anything except his mouth and his big rough and gentle hands that ran all around her. Jack knelt down in front of Jennifer and unbuttoned her blouse. Putting his face between her breasts, he kissed her skin between them while his hands fumbled with the back of her bra. ‘It opens in the front,’ she said helpfully, and he unfastened her and took her breasts out; looked at them and moaned. ‘Jen, you are so beautiful, look at you, you’re unbelievable.’ He kissed her breasts under the nipples and over the nipples, sucked her nipples, sucked the skin of her breasts under and over the nipples, Jennifer moaned and moaned, her eyes permanently shut, her hands clutching his blond hair; she was just so lost.

I can’t believe I am really here with you. I can’t believe you are kissing me. I can’t believe you are kissing me. When Jennifer had dreamed of what it would be like to have Jack kiss her and touch her, when she dreamed of him and his lips every day for the past four years, this is what she dreamed it would be. Being completely lost in his lips.

Jack carried her up to his bedroom, kissing her all the while. He laid her on his bed and began unbuckling his belt. Unbuckling his belt. I am lying down on his bed. Jennifer watched him do it, but incoherently; crazed with aching, she just wanted the feel of him.

And she got him. Jen managed to wrap her hands around him, seconds before he thrust himself inside her, and her only thought was, My God, it is so big, is this what they are all like, this big?

‘Oh, you are so wet.’ He groaned. ‘You are so ready for me.’ She could only groan in response; she was here with him, under his smooth wide chest, with his big muscled arms propping him up, with all his blond hair falling into his beautiful drunk face above her. She was here with him, and her readiness just did not matter, for she had fallen so hard for him, she had been perpetually at the ready.

Jack had had a lot to drink, and it took him forever to come. They tried this and that. Jennifer even went down on him, as incredible as that was: she had never even seen one before tonight. There was a certain pleasure in that, Jennifer thought, as she rubbed him with her hands. He is my first everything. Jack went down on her; she got on top of him; he got behind her; then he got a mirror and brought it to the bed so that they could see themselves. He asked her to touch herself; then he asked her to touch him. Finally they had come full circle and he was on top of her again. It had not hurt at all for him to take her virginity from her, for she was not a virgin in the strictest sense. But now, after strenuous intercourse, Jennifer had come back to earth and began to feel some physical discomfort. Discomfort or not, however, all Jen thought of was making him last, and if he whittled her genitalia away by his thrusting, it would be worth it, to feel him above her, to be lost in space, to be lost in Jackspace.

He came, finally! collapsing on top of her in a sweaty heap and promptly falling asleep. Jennifer did not care.

Jack was wet and heavy. His hair, all matted up, clung to his head. His breathing was uneven; his legs were between her legs. I think mine are asleep, Jennifer thought. They’ve been open for so long, I must look like a frog ready for dissection. Jennifer stroked Jack’s legs with hers. She ran her fingers on his back and kissed his temple.

How long did she lie there awake? What did she think about? Nothing. Nothing, and everything. She thought about having sex with him again, she thought about him kissing her on the street and impossibly about taking her to the prom. She thought about having used no contraception, about it not even occurring to her to use any. He didn’t ask her and certainly didn’t wear any himself. She thought about being pregnant, and laughed. And then she thought, I love him. I am in love with him. I love him. This is what it feels like; this is what it’s all about. This is the only way I want to feel when I have someone above me. This is what I want to feel when I look up into someone’s face, and if I don’t feel this, I feel nothing. Everything else is an illusion. Jennifer continued to lie there stroking his back lightly with her fingertips, thinking of the years they had been friends. Remember softball, Jack? Remember Shunga Park? Before you became a football captain? You remember those days? And then she fell asleep.

Jack was still on top of her when he woke up. He quickly got off her, mumbling an apology, and then went into the bathroom. When he came out, he pulled on a pair of shorts. Sitting on the bed next to her, Jack rubbed his temples.

‘Jen, it’s six o’clock, are your parents going out of their heads?’

My parents? Me, I am going out of my head.

‘Yeah, I guess.’ Jennifer smiled at him and Jack smiled wanly back.