Pamela Nissen – Rocky Mountain Homecoming (страница 9)

“What do you mean?” Zach braced himself. Ben’s big-brother demeanor wasn’t all that comforting, seeing as how Zach was the focus.

Ben jammed a hand on his bag. “I mean with her. With you.”

Crossing to the table, Zach stacked Ivy’s plate on top of his. “She came home to see her father. That’s what. And he insisted I have dinner at the main house tonight—not that that’s uncommon. I eat here more often than not,” he added, grasping her napkin as visions of her pressing it to her lips ricocheted through his mind. He thumbed the linen fibers, half tempted to breathe in any lingering scent of her there. “I couldn’t exactly disregard a sick man’s request, could I?”

Ben gave his head a slow shake. “That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”

Zach swallowed hard, struggling to gather himself as he tightened his fist around Ivy’s napkin. It wasn’t Ben’s fault that Zach couldn’t seem to abandon his confidence-shattering feelings for Ivy.

When Ben rested a hand on Zach’s shoulder, his sympathetic manner had Zach squirming. “What is this with you stuttering again? I haven’t heard you stumble over your words in a very long time.”

He met his brother’s worried gaze. “I’m just fine.”

“Now you are. But just a few seconds ago, you were stuttering almost as bad as you did a long time ago.” Ben’s brow cocked in concern.

“Do you think that that fact escaped my notice?” Resisting the urge to shrug from his brother’s touch, he willed his feet to remain planted. “I am painfully aware of the fact.”

“Why now? Why all of a sudden?”

“It’s not that bad,” Zach defended, knowing, even as the words passed his lips, that it wasn’t that good, either. He might not be stuttering every sentence, but it was there, bold and sure. When Ivy was around, he seemed to have no control over his tongue, just like before. “See, I’m fine now. I haven’t stuttered for several minutes.”

“But you haven’t had a problem for a long time,” Ben argued, withdrawing his hand from Zach’s shoulder. “Why now?”

“I don’t know,” Zach threw back, inwardly cringing at the lameness of his response. He picked up the dinner plates and headed toward the swinging door leading to the kitchen.

Ben followed and grasped Zach’s arm, bringing him to a halt. Ben cleared his voice—something Zach and his brothers had defined as a this-is-serious sign. A growing sense of panic swarmed Zach’s waning confidence. He didn’t want to discuss the topic. Not now. Not ever. “Did something happen? I mean something bad?” Ben queried, dipping his head to grab Zach’s attention. “Listen, I know you’ve never really talked about what happened when you first began stuttering … and I can understand why. You were eleven. A raw age for something so traumatic.”

Any age was a raw age when it came to that. Sometimes Zach wondered if the devastating impact of that event would ever lessen. Once he’d grown tired of the effects beating him down, he’d fought back. Hard. But as much as he battled for confidence and wholeness of speech, a cavernous place in his heart still gaped wide open.

“What happened back then isn’t up for discussion.”

“The most we ever found out is that you got separated from the group of school kids you were with,” Ben continued, ignoring Zach’s declaration. “And that somehow you fell into an abandoned mine shaft. Isn’t that right?” Ben probed, obviously hoping Zach would seize the opportunity to rehash the past.

Struggling to keep his breathing even, Zach dragged in a lungful of air. He braced a hand on the doorknob as images from twelve years ago flashed through his mind.

He’d been head over heels in love with Ivy from the first grade, falling over himself to carry her books. Her lunch pail. Helping with any task, big or small, she’d allow him the privilege of doing. He’d dreamed of her more nights than not, of whisking her away from evil captors, of braving the worst of elements to carry her to safety. His whole life had hung in the balance as he’d been on the ready, waiting for any opportunity to garner her coveted attention.

She’d never shown him the slightest interest.

But when he’d tagged along with a group of kids into a cave just to be near her, and when he heard her screech in fright, he’d seized the moment. It’d been his chance to shine. To prove himself worthy of her affection. The moment he’d dreamed of.

Ivy had laughed in his face. The brilliance in her eyes sparking in the lantern’s light had grown almost brighter than the noonday sun as she’d made it clear that she didn’t need his gallant gesture.

Hugh Bagley’s riotous laughter had echoed off the cave’s dank dark walls, along with the other kids. Zach had utterly embarrassed himself. Hugh had hung back long enough to warn Zach to keep his paws off Ivy. Then he’d given Zach a rough shove, sending him stumbling backward, falling hard and long into an abandoned mine shaft.

Zach had hated confined spaces—still did. Loathed the unknown elements that hung like a mire of webs in the obsessive darkness. Still, he’d been too prideful to call for help, at first, anyway. But after Hugh and the others continued on, leaving Zach swallowed up by a darkness he’d never imagined, he’d called. Prayed. Yelled. Screamed until his voice had turned raw.

No one came.

It seemed that even God hadn’t been listening.

He’d remained trapped for two whole days, and by the time he finally found a way out—scratching and clawing at the walls until his fingers bled, the soles of his boots were worn to shreds and his words refused to come out as anything other than a stutter.

Desperate, Zach scrabbled his way back to the present, his face flaming hot. His blood boiling. And his heart somehow growing colder and harder after reliving the memory.

“I’ll say it again … this subject is not up for discussion,” he measured out.

A slow sigh escaped Ben’s mouth. “I can’t make you talk about this,” he began, his tone saturated with concern. “But know that if you don’t deal with what happened, it will continue to haunt you. It’ll affect you in ways you won’t be able to ignore. Like now. I know it’s been a deep dive taking on the role as foreman. Ask for help if you need to, because if you’re having a hard time keeping up out here, your stutter could’ve shown up as a direct result.”

“No,” he ground out, irritation now joining the other raw emotions flapping around like broken shutters in his soul. “I told you I’m fine. Things on the ranch are fine. I’ll work through this alone, just like I do with everything else. I can handle it, Ben. Just like I have everything else.”

Chapter Five

The next morning, Zach sat across from Mr. Harris in his office just like he’d done every single morning from the day he’d taken over as foreman.

While he waited for his boss to finish reading something, he peered at the man’s well-built, handsome desk—just another mark of Joseph’s expertise. Joseph, the second in the line of Drake brothers, had been building furniture with Aaron, the third in line, for several years now. Joseph’s legendary, satin-smooth finish didn’t suffer one bit from his lack of sight. Thoughts of his brothers’ successes filled Zach with pride—but also determination to do just as well, to work just as hard for his own success.

Mr. Harris shifted in his generous leather chair, grabbing Zach’s attention. “I need to discuss something with you, Zach.”

“I’m listening.” Zach grasped the scrolling chair arms a little tighter, unable to shake the grim feeling hanging over him. “Is everything all right?”

The forced look of concession inching across his boss’s face wouldn’t have seemed a bit out of place if he’d been held at gunpoint. He grimaced. “Violet thinks that I should be more up front with you than I have been.”

“About …”

“About my health.” The half defeated way the man’s head hung for a brief moment strummed a deep chord of compassion in Zach.

The idea that Mr. Harris would admit to this confirmed its severity. And that he’d take anyone’s advice on the matter took Zach by complete surprise. He knew that Violet cared deeply for her employer, and had a way of saying things to Mr. Harris that no one else would think to say, but still …

There’d been times over the past months when Zach had wondered if Mr. Harris and Violet cared for each other beyond a working relationship, yet had been unable to recognize the signs. It was a comfort to know that Mr. Harris had Violet to rely on, but Zach was committed to doing his part, too, to help his employer.

Mr. Harris yanked his hat from his head and slapped it on the desk. “Violet thinks that I should probably let you know—” He shifted in his seat again. Turned and peered out the window with a certain amount of longing, as though freedom stretched beyond these walls. “I’ve been feeling more poorly than I’ve been letting on. Violet’s been worried sick about me even though I’ve told her that I’m going to be just fine. But that ornery woman threatened to spill my health woes to the town if I didn’t at least let you know.”

Zach worked furiously to bat down his outright shock. Mr. Harris was a proud man, and the last thing he’d want was sympathy spooned out to him. “Boy, she means business, doesn’t she?”