Нелли Давыдова – Quit Quitting Smoking (страница 3)

Until it hit me. I was taking another poll asking my subscribers what topic I should write a post about or go on air with. Probably for the thousandth time, they suggested that I talk about how to quit and sort everything out. «You can deal with any thinking pattern. Help us here too,» they told me.

I hesitated a long time before I sat down and dwelled on it. Even though I was dealing with health and financial issues, I was still convinced that I didn’t want to quit. After all, I really enjoyed it. «Cigarettes are indescribable bliss. In no way should I give up smoking and deprive myself of the joy and satisfaction it brings.» I was dead wrong.

I’m eternally grateful to my followers for having guided me to pay attention to this. I started writing the contents of the book, planning its structure. It was enough to turn me into a lifelong non-smoker. I’m here to bring my experience and knowledge to the table. It seems like I can finally see what I’ve been deliberately hiding from myself.

At first, I was going from one extreme to another. On the one hand, I wanted to quit smoking and blamed myself for not doing it. On the other hand, I didn’t want to, because I liked it so much. I didn’t have peace of mind. Anyway, I’d always choose to smoke because it was my greatest pleasure. I didn’t want to quit. But, deep down, I realized that, in addition to the detrimental effect on my health, it also made my breath and clothes smell terrible. Although I often said to myself, «I’m different. Other smokers may stink, but I’m an exception! Because I can’t smell smoke on my fingers.»

I even realized that my body was dying, although I didn’t feel it (neither do all smokers). Our immune system stops reacting to nicotine and quickly gets used to self-poisoning. The system disables receptors that transmit signals such as nausea, vomiting, and dizziness. And these signals indicate that every cigarette leads to irreversible consequences in our body. I was aware of that… but since I don’t see this, it means that everything is under control! I’m different. I can avoid committing suicide.

Self-deception is a great thing. Just like in that joke, when a man was falling off his mistress’ balcony and saying that he would give up all his bad habits if he survived. «Oh God, there’s no limit to human resourcefulness in critical situations!» he said after surviving. I was exactly like that. When smoking caused any discomfort, I said to myself, «I’m done. I don’t want to smoke anymore.» But once the emotions were gone, I resumed smoking. I blamed myself for being weak and lacking willpower. My brain came up with millions of reasons why I wanted to smoke to get rid of remorse.

But when I had an epiphany, I realized that I wasn’t a wuss and that my willpower was fine, too. Willpower plays no role at all. If you want to be a free person without addiction, just like me, you should forget about it. You can put energy into fighting something else. But fighting an illusion is a losing battle.

I dare say you’re not a wuss either, and everything is okay with your willpower and intelligence. One doesn’t start smoking because he is less smart or weak-willed. A smoker’s intellectual abilities in no way differ from a non-smoker’s. Anyone can fall into this trap. As a drug, nicotine spares no one.

I’m writing it to debunk the myth and ingrained belief that «I can’t quit smoking because I’m weak and spineless,» or something like that. It’s a myth. You keep smoking for very different reasons.

You’re a perfectly normal and sane person, just like me. Although one can doubt my sanity, it definitely has nothing to do with cigarettes. But that’s a whole different story.

I’m reluctant to bore you with how dangerous and harmful nicotine is. Or the fact that each cigarette contains about 50 deadly poisonous carcinogens (substances that contribute to the formation and multiplication of malignant tumors). Even if we know we’re going to die tomorrow, we still won’t quit smoking. After all, it itches too hard to give up this drug. We already know more about its danger than non-smokers, but we have developed immunity to this information. Why spoil our mood? It’s beyond our control anyway.

Yes, we are slowly dying. 80% of the time, we or our family will get cancer. And it doesn’t matter who smokes. Second-hand smoking kills too. Passive smokers (children, relatives) inhale the smoke. We have tons of problems: with the people around us, our health, money (we have to spend a lot on cigarettes). But still, there’s nothing we can do about it.

Indeed, we do not intend to kill our children, partners, parents, or ourselves. We sincerely hope that nothing bad is going to happen to our relatives or us. And some may even be inclined to believe the myth that everyone is healthy. It must be propaganda. Cigarettes can’t be that dangerous to our health or cause death.

Or, what’s even worse, some people have an immature attitude towards it. «We are all going to die someday. Why should we deny ourselves something? We live once and must try everything, come what may.» At the same time, everyone concerns about future: «How will I survive without money? What will happen tomorrow? What if I die?» But cigarettes don’t seem scary. Because we just can’t quit. We fail to. We have no choice but to put up with it and make excuses since we can’t quit. After all, there have been plenty of unsuccessful attempts to quit. We learned a long time ago that it’s impossible to quit. We just have to live with it and believe in myths.

Some of the focus group participants even told me, «Nelli, you haven’t reinvented the wheel. There is no point in reading this book since I won’t find anything new. I can’t quit. I’ve tried myriad times. It’s impossible.»

I’ve also read different books on how to quit smoking, but they were of no help either. I didn’t go further than a couple of chapters. I foresaw the narration and predicted the outcome like Nostradamus. No kidding, I thought I already knew what would follow next, just like a psychic. What was it all for? My third eye said it wouldn’t help anyway. I was desperate. I deluded myself into thinking this way.

My negative attitude towards any new information blocked positive changes. In fact, I didn’t know what would happen. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to learn something new. I only thought I knew everything. Before I picked up any book, I had already decided not to give myself a chance to quit smoking. This must be familiar to you too.

You may have even read these books to the end, and tried different ways to quit smoking, but nothing worked out. Then you surrendered and realized that you were doomed to smoke and live under stress forever.

I was a heavy smoker for more than 20 years. No matter how many times I tried to quit, I always proved to myself that there was no way out. Yes, I quit many times. I would refrain from it for a year. But I would end up smoking again. I guess every time you failed, you lost hope that one day you would break free.

I had a strong sense of guilt for not being able to put an end to it. And since I can’t stop it, it means, for some reason, I want to keep doing it. And, if I want to, I have to explain it to myself. After all, I’m not an idiot. These thoughts were spinning in my head.

By the way, just to get you motivated, I can proudly claim to be a 100% non-smoker now. And I didn’t have to quit smoking in the traditional sense. I neither suffered nor exercised my willpower. I managed to grasp the meaning of smoking: why we do it, and how our brain reacts to nicotine. After that, it took me just a minute to give up smoking forever. And from that moment on, I never experienced any cravings. People around me can freely smoke as much as they wish. I’m adamant about that very point. I will no longer put my neck into the noose. I have no regrets or thoughts about smoking.

But if I quit using my willpower, as I did before, I’d be stressed out for the rest of my life. «Oh, I don’t smoke, but I crave it,» I’d be constantly thinking about how not to smoke.

I acknowledged my thinking patterns and debunked all the myths. At that moment, I realized that from now on I would be a non-smoker and a free person. I easily got out of the trap, and you can do the same. Today, without putting it off for tomorrow. Or now or after finishing the book. It’s as simple as that, but you can hardly believe it so far.

Neural Connections And The Way We Think

Let’s talk about our brain work and thinking patterns.

I will get off the main topic for a while to elaborate on brain mechanisms and the world around us. Even if this chapter remains unclear to you, it’s okay. It won’t influence your decision on whether to quit smoking or not. If we cut this chapter from the book, it will not lose its relevance. But I love «blowing your mind,» so I will talk about it.

I don’t fit the mould of a typical coach and author. When writing, I neither try to comply with any standards nor stick to a particular style. I break the stereotypes, so let’s pretend we are having a friendly chat in the kitchen. If you wish, you can easily skip this chapter. But please don’t give up on reading the book. It will be much clearer later. With this chapter you will have a deeper understanding of everything that will follow next. I’ll try to explain this very difficult topic as clearly as possible.