MELANIE MILBURNE – Top-Notch Men!: In Her Boss's Special Care (страница 23)
Her fingers curled into the thickness of his hair as she struggled to control her reaction to him. She was within a second of begging him to take her then and there when he dragged himself away to look down at her with glittering eyes, a dull flush of colour beneath the tan of his face.
‘Maybe I should have let you punch me instead,’ he said with a rueful smile that melted her almost as much as his kisses had done. ‘It might have been less complicated.’
She tidied her clothes as best as she could, trying her best to sound casual even while her stomach was still crawling with desire. ‘I don’t believe in violence,’ she said. ‘I would never have hit you.’
‘That’s very reassuring. For a moment there I thought I was going to have to make an emergency appointment with my orthodontist.’
She gave him a shame-faced look from beneath her lashes as she tucked in her blouse with unsteady hands. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t have a good night’s sleep and Ruth Tilley’s attitude towards Kate Lowe this morning upset me. I took it out on you.’
‘You can take it out on me any time you like if you choose the same
‘I think it might be your turn,’ she said, unable to affect a reproving look in time and smiling at him instead.
He gave her an answering smile and brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. ‘Let’s keep this out of the corridors, OK? I don’t want to have to deal with the speculation right now. There are other pressing matters I have to concentrate on, but that’s not to say that during out of working hours we can come to some arrangement that is mutually satisfying.’
She lowered her gaze. ‘I understand …’
He tipped up her chin and looked deeply into her eyes. ‘I’m not sure you do, Allegra Tallis. I don’t think you have a clue about what I’m thinking right now.’
‘You don’t think I can read your mind?’
His eyes became like dark, unfathomable pools as he held her gaze. ‘It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a relationship, for a variety of reasons which I won’t go into now. Suffice it to say you don’t know me very well. I don’t want you to think I’m someone I’m not.’
‘We all have baggage,’ she said, trying to read his expression, but it was as if a mask had come down over his face, effectively shutting her out.
‘Maybe, but being involved with me involves sacrifices most women don’t have the fortitude to take. Believe me, I know it from experience.’
‘Has someone hurt you in the past?’ she asked softly.
‘I’m not the broken-hearted sort,’ he said. ‘I’m just aware of my own limitations in what I can offer another person in an intimate relationship.’
‘You’re a nice man, a decent gorgeous man …’ She gave him a spontaneous hug, leaning her cheek against his chest where she could feel his heart beating. ‘I’m willing to take the chance.’
He put her from him with a gentleness that was girded with firmness, his eyes meeting hers once more. ‘We’ll see.’
Allegra looked up at him, the shadows in his eyes worrying her. She eased herself away, feeling embarrassed and far too exposed. ‘I’m sorry … If you’re not interested, just say so. I can handle it.’
‘I don’t suppose there’s any hope of me denying my attraction to you with any efficacy,’ he said. ‘After all, you have the physical evidence which has been to date both repeatable and provable.’
She smiled crookedly in spite of her inner pain. ‘Ever the scientist, aren’t you?’
He pulled her close for one last kiss. ‘You’d better believe it, baby.’
‘I believe it but I still think there’s room for the grey areas that science overlooks.’
‘I’ve never said science has all the answers, Allegra. I just don’t want you to inadvertently bring disrepute on the unit, especially not now when every calculating eye is on it.’
‘You make it sound as if I’m a complete amateur who has no clue what she is doing.’
She frowned at him. ‘Of course I do. I want what is best for both the patient and their loved ones.’
‘But what if the patient and loved ones have totally different needs, what then?’
‘Surely they would want the same things?’ she said. ‘Life is not a dress rehearsal. This is it. We get one chance at it. Life is precious in all its forms.’
She felt his sigh as if it had happened in her own chest, even though he was now at least half a metre away from her.
‘There’s a part of me that admires your commitment to what you believe in,’ he said heavily. ‘But another part—the realistic part—wants to shake you into the real world and show you that what you’re searching for doesn’t exist.’
‘Miracles, you mean?’
‘Miracles, fairy dust, aromatherapy—the tools of your moonlighting trade,’ he said. ‘They just don’t bring about the results people are desperate for, and I hate the thought of anyone being fooled into believing they can. It’s unspeakably cruel to offer hope when there is none. Lives get destroyed, hanging on the thin thread of a hope that just doesn’t exist.’
‘I’m not fooling anyone.’
He gave her one of his arched-brow expressions as he opened the door to leave. ‘Only yourself, and maybe in the end that is the worst sort of deception of all.’
Allegra sank to the nearest chair as the door closed. She
Tommy Lowe was still in the same comatose state when Allegra finished in Theatre to check on him later that day. His BIS monitor scores showed no brain activity and to make matters worse, his temperature had crept up to 38.5.
Keith Lowe came in while she was massaging Tommy’s feet, using acupressure to release tension in his little body.
‘What are you doing?’ Keith gave her a suspicious look, his whole demeanour seeming on edge as he hovered at the side of his son’s bed.
‘I’m using touch therapy to connect with Tommy,’ she explained. ‘Children usually have very ticklish feet. It’s a way of ramping up the level of sensory input.’
‘None of this is working, is it?’ Keith said after a long, tense moment.
Allegra stilled her massaging movements to look at him. ‘We don’t know that yet. We need more time.’
He gave her a defeated look, before shifting his gaze to the monitors and machines that were keeping his son alive. ‘If I can’t have Tommy back as he was, I don’t want him back at all.’
Allegra stared at him in shock. ‘You surely can’t mean that?’
He met her eyes briefly. ‘You don’t understand,’ he said. ‘There’s life and there’s life.’ He rubbed a hand over his face and continued in a tone that sounded empty and defeated. ‘I told you yesterday about my family background. My parents were not the emotional, nurturing sort.’
‘A lot of parents of your generation weren’t,’ she offered.
He gave her a brief glance and, shifting his gaze, continued in the same flat, emotionless tone. ‘They would have been except for the fact that I had an older sister who was the biggest disappointment of my parents’ life. They took their disappointment out on me. If I let them, they would still be doing it.’
Allegra sat very still, a sudden chill travelling down the length of her spine. ‘What happened?’
‘My older sister had a severe form of autism,’ he said, looking down at his hands. ‘She was diagnosed far too late to do anything to help her. It ruined my parents’ lives, so in a way I can’t really blame them for how they reacted to me. I guess it was a combination of guilt and frustration, which they could hardly take out on her so they chose me instead.’
‘I’m so sorry. It must have been very difficult for you.’
‘Yes … yes, it was …’
‘What about your other sister, Serena?’ she asked gently. ‘Were your parents hard on her as well?’
He met her eyes for a moment before turning away. ‘Yes … yes, it was difficult … for both of us.’ He released a heavy breath and went on, ‘I simply can’t bear the thought of my son having a major disability of any sort. Not after what I’ve been through. I’d would rather he died now.’
‘What eventually happened to your older sister?’
‘She died of pneumonia at the age of sixteen,’ he said. ‘I can still see the relief on my parents’ faces. I can’t help thinking they paid the doctor not to treat her appropriately.’
Allegra felt an upswell of emotion fill her chest until she could hardly breathe with comfort. ‘Tommy might not have any form of brain damage at all,’ she said, dredging up the last of her hope to convince herself, even as she wanted to convince Tommy’s father.
Keith turned to look at her. ‘It’s a risk I can’t afford to take. Not after what I’ve been through with my sister and my parents. I personally witnessed the damage of what a needy child can do.’ He looked down at his hands once more. ‘I’m in a new relationship. My … partner would never cope with Tommy if he was … damaged in any way.’
‘Don’t rush into this,’ Allegra pleaded. ‘Tommy is a child with his whole life ahead of him.’
‘But what sort of life are we talking about?’
Allegra tried not to be put off by the similarity to Joel’s words the night before. ‘Tommy could make a full recovery. I really believe that,’ she said, mentally crossing her fingers.