Lynda Sandoval – One Perfect Man (страница 2)

A fireball of frustration ignited in Erica’s chest. Hot blood pounded in her ears. “Hope! Hope?” She smacked her palm to her forehead, all attempts to stay calm and cool rendered instantly futile. “Listen to yourself, Mama. Why does it always come back to this? What you fail to acknowledge is that some women have no desire to fulfill the roles of wife and mother, and your daughter is one of those women.”

“But, it’s important, honey, and I worry—”

“Why is it so damn important? I take perfectly good care of myself. You always seem to ‘worry’ just when I need to be focused before an important presentation or meeting.” She lowered her voice to a rasp, glancing at the door to make sure no one had showed up early to catch her in mid-rant. She had a business reputation to uphold, after all. “If I didn’t know you better, I’d almost think you were trying to sabotage my career.”

“Don’t be silly. You do know me better.”

True. But, still. Erica closed her eyes and counted to ten in English, then in Spanish. “Mama, listen to me. Six very important words. I don’t want marriage and family. I have no desire to raise human beings, and there’s nothing wrong with admitting that. I can’t even keep plants alive. Not to mention—do you remember what happened to my hamster, Morton?”

“Hamsters don’t live forever. You were only twelve.”

“Old enough to know better.”

“Hmph.”

Erica sighed. “I am simply not suited to your role. You need to accept the facts.”

“You can learn.”

“Sure, if I wanted to. The point is, I don’t want to.” She clenched her fist against her chest with fervor, though her mother couldn’t see her. “I love my career and my independence, and I love to travel. Alone. I want my life exactly the way it is. Why can’t you respect that?”

Susana uttered an unhappy sound. “Was it so bad, Erica? Growing up with a full-time mother in the home? So bad that the very thought of walking in your mother’s footsteps makes you speak to her with such disrespect?”

“I’m—” Erica bit her lip as defeat weighed heavily on her shoulders. She furrowed her fingers slowly through her hair and willed the bite from her tone. “I don’t mean to disrespect you, Mama. You know that. And, of course I don’t regret growing up in a traditional family. I loved having you there.” She struggled for words. How could she explain? “But living that way, putting the family first, was your choice, right?”

“Of course.”

As much as Erica doubted the veracity of her mother’s answer, she nevertheless went with it. “Well, all I’m asking for is my choice, as well. I am walking in your footsteps, Mama,” Erica said, feeling like a liar. In truth, her mother gave up too much of herself for the life she led. Erica was trying to avoid her mother’s footsteps—at least those she took after marriage. “Can’t you see?” She paused, hoping this time it would sink in. “I’m trying to live the life of my choosing. That’s all. Just like you did. My choice is simply different from yours.”

“Don’t you want love, m’ija?”

Erica eased out a breath. Sure, it would be great to have the love of a lifetime yadda, yadda, yadda. Who wouldn’t want that? Unfortunately, that type of love was an empty Hollywood concept. Real love came with strings and ties and required sacrifices she wasn’t willing to make. Real love grabbed you and took up camp in your world, like an occupying force. Real love twisted your life around and left you with the one thing she absolutely refused to have: regrets.

So, she wouldn’t experience marital love in her life, but that didn’t matter to her. She’d find companionship and sex along the way, with men who wouldn’t compromise her goals, men with their own goals, and she’d have her independence. Not a whole lot sounded better than that.

“I love my career,” she said, finally, knowing she could never adequately explain it to her mother. “That’s enough.”

Silence hung between them like a tug-of-war rope. Erica was tired of all the yanking and balancing. “But I really have to go. The artisans will be here soon and I want to be composed.”

“You’re always composed, little one. Too composed for your own good.” Mama laughed, but sounded tired. “You’re a regular Mona Lisa, don’t you know that?”

“Ha.” A grudging smile twitched Erica’s mouth.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, m’ija.”

“You didn’t,” Erica lied, to keep the peace. “Look, I’ll call you tonight. Okay?” She really did love her mother.

“Okay. Is your hotel room safe?”

Erica rolled her eyes. No, she didn’t know any better, so she’d taken a room in the local crack house. “Of course, Mama. It’s a small town, remember? Only sixty miles from home. I’m fine. The hotel is beautiful. Nothing to worry about.”

“So you claim. The optimism of youth.” Another unsettled sigh came through the line. “Well, then, I guess there’s nothing else for me to say.”

“Okay, then.” Erica rolled her hand. Get to the goodbye. C’mon, Mama, please.

“Good luck with your meeting. Be careful, and use the dead bolt and the chain when you’re in the room.”

“Always do,” Erica sang, in an overly patient voice.

“And keep your eyes out for available men,” Susana said in a rush. “Be open-minded. That’s all I’m saying. Life is all about options, baby.”

“Mama!”

“Bueno, bye.”

The abrupt disconnection clicked in Erica’s ear, and she pulled the phone away and stared at it a moment, incredulous, before shaking her head and snapping the flip-front down. Her mother would never stop trying to marry her off, no matter how many times Erica tried to explain her dreams and goals. A pity her mother expended so much energy on a lost cause.

It wasn’t that Erica didn’t like men. She did. She just didn’t want to be subservient to one, as her mother had been to her father. Susana Gonçalves might claim she’d been fulfilled by feeding children, washing clothes and putting everyone else’s needs before her own all these years, but she had been a promising folk guitarist in her youth, on the fast track to giving Joan Baez a little healthy competition.

Then she’d met Erica’s father, and the rest was history. Moises Gonçalves had been raised a kind but strictly traditional man, and into the attic went his wife’s guitar. No time for “frivolity” with babies on the way and a husband to tend, Erica supposed. What a shame.

Call her a skeptic, but Erica refused to believe her mother didn’t have regrets about leaving that musical dream behind. As for herself, she didn’t plan to have a single regret. No way would she give up her identity, her life, her goals and dreams for a band around her finger and the “opportunity” to serve a man all her life. No way in hell. Nothing Mama could say or do would ever change her mind.

“So, what I’m looking for are some really innovative ideas of how you’d like to represent your town in your particular medium,” she told the gathered artisans, her voice composed, her look professional, her manner that of complete control. “The sky’s the limit here, folks. I want to push the envelope and really get New Mexico into the news. This is the first Cultural Arts Festival of this type for our state. Let’s make history.” She smiled with confidence. “Ideas?”

The event planner sent down by some large company in Santa Fe crossed her arms and leaned one toned but still shapely hip against the edge of the front table. Her head tilted slightly forward and to the side, sending the razor-perfect ends of her straight black hair brushing across her shoulder to dance against her cheek like a sheet of satin.

Tomás Garza sat back in his chair and studied her. Erica Gonçalves. He hated to admit it, but she couldn’t be more perfect if he’d conjured her up from his most fervent, most hidden fantasies. Organized, take-charge, encouraging and yet still approachable.

Hope wouldn’t feel threatened—an important consideration.

His jaw tightened, but he pushed aside his inner resistance and refocused on the lady at the front of the room, trying to read her, to soak her in. He needed to get a handle on her before he approached with his proposition. With only five months left, he couldn’t afford any more false starts or setbacks.

He listened while the sculptor representing Albuquerque suggested a Michelangelo-size idea to represent his city—a mixed-media sculpture that would suspend from the rafters of the event hall. A false sky, if you would, filled with faux hot-air balloons to represent the renowned Balloon Fiesta held in Albuquerque each October. An excited murmur rippled through the room as the artist and the planner discussed logistics for a work of this scope. Soon, others began offering their ideas, all praised and efficiently cataloged by Ms. Gonçalves with quick taps of her fingers on the laptop keyboard.

The tone of the meeting was electric, a creative thunderstorm, led by a woman who knew just what to say and do to make things happen. Tomás felt supercharged, both by the atmosphere and the fact that he may have just stumbled on a solution to his dilemma in the form of a petite, fast-track business dynamo named Erica.

The city representatives—specially selected artists, all of them—kept the flow of ideas rushing forth until only a few towns remained—his included. Without warning, the lady he’d been studying turned her dark-eyed gaze on him.