Karin Baine – Midwife Under The Mistletoe (страница 9)

Eventually Iona forced herself to return to the less dangerous task of putting the groceries away in the cupboards.

‘How did you come to have so much spare furniture?’ She kept her tone casual, even though her heart was pounding with as much adrenaline and arousal as if they had kissed because she’d imagined it so vividly.

There were a few beats before she heard Fraser move away. As though it had taken him that time to shake himself out of the daze too. ‘My dad died a couple of years ago and I inherited the family home. I sold my apartment and moved back but I haven’t decided if it’s what I want on a permanent basis.’

Keeping hold of the contents of his place if he’d sold it didn’t make much sense to Iona, but she understood the death of a parent was such an emotional upheaval it brought about huge life changes. It had been her mother’s death that had prompted her to strike out on her own regardless of not having anywhere to go or anyone to help her.

‘Sorry for your loss.’ It was a sentiment she’d heard so often herself yet seemed so inadequate when it passed from her own lips. Those four words could never hope to comfort someone who’d suffered such a devastating event. She’d never known how to respond to it either. It wasn’t the done thing to burst into tears or go off on a rant about how unfair it was so she’d learned to graciously nod and thank people for their condolences.

‘We weren’t really close. Not since Mum died. Or ever, really.’ Fraser was disarmingly frank about his relationship with his father and Iona was shocked to discover they had more in common than either of them had realised.

‘I know the feeling. It’s hard to bond with a parent in those circumstances. Almost as though you’re being forced into a relationship you never had because the one you were closest to has gone for ever.’ In those early days after her mother’s death Iona had done and said all the right things expected of a dutiful daughter trying to make sure her dad wouldn’t feel the loss as acutely as she did, filling that role of caregiver left empty by the woman who’d sacrificed everything for her family. None of it had come naturally and she had soon come to realise it had been fear and grief fuelling her actions, not love. She’d rather be alone than submit to another man’s whim again.

Fraser was such a strong, confident individual she didn’t imagine he’d been in quite the same position with his family but it would explain that frostiness he exuded at times. She knew she’d erected a lot of barriers to keep herself safe when she’d moved away. It had taken a lot of time to make herself accessible to people again, and only because she’d wanted to work in such a people-friendly environment. She was still working on the walls she’d barricaded around her heart, which weren’t dismantled so easily. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready for them to come down again.

Fraser’s loss and the anger and sorrow that surely had been part of that were relatively recent and raw. Something he would have to work hard to get past. It wasn’t so unbelievable that it formed part of the reason he hadn’t moved in for that kiss when the opportunity had arisen. That lessened the sting slightly but also flashed more warning lights that this complex man was the last one she should set her cap at.

‘I can’t say I was really any closer to my mother but it’s all in the past. We’re supposed to be celebrating your future.’ Fraser smiled but there was a sadness behind it that touched her heart so deeply she couldn’t tell if she wanted to reach out and hug him or rip off his clothes.

His decision to move back to the family home rather than stay in his own place seemed all the more bizarre if it held such dark memories for him. Given the same opportunity, she’d prefer to slum it in her Borrowers-sized flat than move back to a house echoing with tears of the past. A clean break was the only way to leave those ghosts behind.

‘You didn’t think about selling up?’ A senior partner in a thriving GP practice with no discernible dependants that Iona knew of should’ve had the means to live wherever he wanted. Unless he had some debilitating addiction syphoning off his pay packet but she couldn’t picture Fraser with any vices that would have seen him spiralling into that kind of desperation.

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