Jennifer Snow – Winter Wedding Bells: The Kiss / The Wish / The Promise (страница 8)
She’d blamed jitters for her doubts. The version of married life she’d glimpsed in the picture, making her question what she’d wanted...
In Austin’s arms, however, her ambivalence evaporated. For a heart-stopping instant the world clicked into place, her worries about the unknown silenced as she reveled in that moment with him. Everything in her had gone quiet and peaceful and right...like walking into a familiar house where she recognized everything. Could find her way around in the dark...
She pressed her palms against her eyelids, and her tense shoulders rose. She was a horrible, horrible person. Had betrayed Mason, a wonderful man. Reality was crushing and the world was a wrong-size shoe. How could anyone stand it? How could she?
An old lit class quote came to her.
Nevertheless, she knew better than to selfishly hurt others.
On the other hand, if she hadn’t kissed Austin, she might have strung Mason along as she had Austin, drowning them both in her uncertainty. No. As Austin had said, better to get the pain over with fast. As much as it had hurt to tell Mason, a small part of her felt better for the clean break, especially after she’d told him the truth about kissing Austin.
For Mason, that was nonnegotiable—as it should be. He deserved better and he’d find it.
Now, if only she could find Alexis, who was still grappling with her transit issues and wouldn’t arrive until later today. She desperately needed to talk to a friend, but even Claire had been unavailable, unable to leave Meghan who’d woken with a bad asthma attack.
Julie pulled down the afghan draped across the chair top and tucked herself into its square corners.
When she’d left Mason, his cousins were corralling him into a snowshoeing trip and he’d looked more than ready to get away. Since he missed today’s checkout time, he, his family and her father would stay another night and leave by eleven tomorrow.
It stung that her dad would abandon her. But she understood when he’d explained that he felt guilty about leaving the free medical clinic a doctor short now that the wedding was off. He’d insisted she and her mother stay until Christmas Eve, however, since the inn’s spa treatments helped her mother’s MS symptoms. At least some good would come out of this, he’d sighed, after giving her a kiss.
At the low squeak of an opening door, she turned. Noelle pushed a stainless-steel cart laden with domed plates and a teapot. She wore a gorgeous outfit. A striped straight skirt. Vintage floral sweater. Red leather belt. Paisley scarf championed with attitude. Her auburn hair swished around her beautiful, serene face and filled Julie with longing. What she would give for that inner peace.
“I’m on break and thought I’d stop by. Bring you some tea and scones.”
Julie returned the woman’s kind smile, her mouth trembling with the effort. “I’m not hungry, but thanks.”
Still, her nose twitched at the tart cranberry smell when Noelle drew closer and pulled off a metal top to reveal a grilled panini and Caesar salad, as well.
“Just a little something? Our chef, Dominic Vitelli, made these. He had that cooking show...”
Julie perked up. Of course, she’d heard of the celebrity chef. He’d hosted a reality food show, one of her favorite programs. She grabbed a warm scone and nibbled on the crunchy top, the sweet, sharp taste making her suck in her cheeks and savor the treat before she swallowed.
“Wow. Really good. I can’t believe I’m eating something made by Dominic Vitelli. Why is he in Lake Placid? Did his show get canceled?” Despite her problems, her curiosity was piqued.
“May I?” Noelle gestured to the seat opposite Julie and sat when she nodded. “Personal issues, I think, but he seems happy. How about you? Are you doing okay? I’m sorry about what happened.”
The baked good dried on Julie’s tongue. She poured two cups of tea and gulped the orange-flavored liquid before answering. Not that she knew what to say...
The events leading up to this crisis seemed unreal. Fantastical. Not at all the measured, logical steps she’d used to march through most of her life. Why had she kissed Austin?
Her racing thoughts roiled inside her and flew from her mouth before she could stop them.
“I kissed another man last night.”
Julie studied Noelle’s face, wanting the condemnation she deserved. The desk clerk’s expression, however, remained serene.
“Austin Reynolds.”
Julie gaped at the woman. How did she know?
Noelle patted Julie’s knee. “I saw him come in shortly after you left for your jog and he looked as if he’d seen a ghost. Then, when I went out to my car last night, I watched you leave together. Guessed you were friends or more.”
“More.” Julie traced the rim of her porcelain teacup. “We were supposed to get married after college but I kept putting it off. At first I needed to stay home to care for my mother. I planned to eventually join him on the road and follow his team as a photographer. It was a passion of mine, even though I’d gotten the accounting degree my parents wanted.”
Noelle studied Julie over her raised cup. “But you never went.”
Julie crammed another bite into her mouth, chewing and thinking. “I wanted to.”
“So what stopped you?”
A log popped, making both women jump. Julie stared at the growing flames, the heat blazing along the calves exposed by her knee-length skirt.
“I don’t know.” Julie shoved back the hair that slipped out of her low bun. “Fear maybe. Doubt. But I never stopped loving him.”
The truth of each word stung, realization buzzing through her. Strange how she could be so honest with Noelle—more truthful than she’d been with herself.
“And now you have another chance.” Noelle leaned forward and grasped Julie’s clammy hands. “Don’t squander it.”
Something in Julie’s chest collapsed. “I could never be with someone like him permanently.”
“And what’s he like?”
“Spontaneous, daring...terrifying.”
“Why not?”
“Because I never know what’s going to happen around him. What our future would be like. After last night, I knew what I didn’t want, but I still don’t feel comfortable with the unknown.” Her heart left, hitchhiked right out her body, caught the gondola ride up Whiteface and leaped from the pinnacle.
“It keeps things interesting,” observed Noelle. She pulled out her buzzing cell phone, checked the message and then clicked it off.
Julie compared her whirlwind days with Austin to the comfort of her routine with Mason.
“Yes,” Julie admitted. “It did.”
“Let me show you something.” Noelle scrolled to a screen on her cell phone and handed it to Julie. “That’s my ten-year-old. Josh.”
Julie stared at the sandy-haired boy, and her lips curved at his impish grin. More freckles than skin covered his thin face and cowlicks sprouted from his hairline. His green eyes resembled his mother’s. Otherwise, he must take after his father. A quick peek at Noelle’s ring finger revealed a vintage-set diamond.
“His father and I met at an eighth grade Sadie Hawkins dance. I’d asked a boy who was more interested in my best friend. Ted went because his younger neighbor wanted to go to her first dance and couldn’t work up the nerve to ask anyone else.”
A wistful smile lifted Julie’s mouth. “Sweet. And you’ve been together ever since?”
Noelle set down her teacup and folded her hands on her lap. “Nope. We broke up after high school graduation. He’d signed up for the military and didn’t want any ties back home since he planned on going into the Special Forces. Said he loved me but had to put all his focus there.”
“That’s so sad.” Julie stared down at the boy again, understanding dawning. “And then you found out you were pregnant.”
“Yes.”
“And he didn’t come home after you told him?” Worry took hold. “Was he...was he...hurt?” Mason’s brother nearly lost his life fighting in Afghanistan. They’d agonized for almost a month before the doctors declared his critical injury stable.
Noelle half laughed, half sighed, an air-filled exclamation of jumbled emotions. “No. I just never told him.”
“What?” Julie stared at the sensible-looking woman. How could she have held back that information? “Why?”
“I thought he didn’t care. Wasn’t sure if he’d want me and the baby. I was afraid to try.”
Julie squirmed, the similarity to her past with Austin hitting its mark.
“So he still doesn’t know?”
A tiny smile tucked itself into the corners of Noelle’s mouth. “We met again at a friend’s Thanksgiving dinner three weeks ago. Although his parents moved away after he graduated, he came back while on leave this year to look up old buddies.”
“Was Josh there?” Julie scanned the photo again.
Noelle’s smile faded. “Yes. It didn’t take Ted long to put everything together and let me know exactly what an idiot I was for never telling him. He’d regretted breaking up the moment he finished basic training. He was hurt when I ignored the letters he sent. He would have married me then if he’d known.”
“You didn’t answer his letters?”
“I didn’t let myself read them. He said he didn’t need anything taking away his focus. A wife and a baby? Major distractions. Plus, I didn’t want him marrying me out of obligation.”