Janice Preston – Lady Cecily And The Mysterious Mr Gray (страница 5)
‘Olivia?’
‘My niece. Leo’s youngest. She made her debut into society this spring.’ She perched on the low wall surrounding the pool and trailed her fingers through the water again. ‘It was not until I saw Vernon and Thea together in the church that the truth hit me...’ She surged to her feet once more and again she paced. To and fro. ‘In my world—’ she halted in front of him, and he tamped down the urge to touch her; to soothe her ‘—if a lady does not marry, she eventually becomes...oh, I don’t know how to explain it...invisible. Unnecessary. She fulfils no useful function but to run occasional errands or to carry out the tasks nobody else cares to fulfil.’ She fixed him with eyes that glinted fiercely. ‘I do not want to be that supplicant living in other people’s homes; tolerated rather than wanted or needed; dependent upon others for her very existence.’
‘Let us walk.’ Movement would help him to resist her.
She nodded, once, and glanced back towards the house. She turned, resolutely, and set off towards the archway in the wall. Through there was an expanse of meadow and a small ornamental lake that had been formed when a stream was dammed.
‘You believe that is what your future now holds?’
‘It is inevitable, but I cannot talk to my family about it. They would ridicule such fears—especially Leo and Vernon. They will reassure me that I am loved and that my home will always be with the family at the Abbey. But Rosalind is the lady of the house now and she, like me, is accustomed to being in charge, having raised her younger brothers and sister. And I value our friendship... I do not wish to clash with Rosalind over
‘Do you have choices?’
‘Choices for ladies who do not wed are limited and they are neither enviable nor easy.’
‘But you would not have to earn your living?’
‘No.’ They strolled down the gentle slope of grass towards the lake. He heard her sigh. ‘No, I would not. Leo would give me an allowance. A generous one. And I am fully aware that makes me sound ungrateful for my life of privilege.’
He sensed her eyes upon him, but kept his attention straight ahead, on the stretch of water ahead, gleaming in the light of the moon.
‘I
‘Yes. You at least
His mother’s face materialised in his mind’s eye and a wave of grief rolled through him. He did not fight it, nor did he succumb to it. Grief was a part of life and living and he had learned to accept its appearance, knowing it would recede soon enough.
They paused at the water’s edge.
‘It may help you to decide what to do if you speak your choices out loud.’
There was a lilt of humour in her voice as she said, ‘You mean you are not going to advise me what my choices are?’
‘Should I?’
‘You are a man. In my world, most men would fall over themselves to prove they know the best way for me to proceed.’
‘I am not most men.’
There was a pause. ‘No. That appears to be true.’
‘So tell me then—in your world, what choices are there for an unmarried lady of your birth?’
‘For a respectable lady with a need to earn a living, she might choose the role of a companion or a governess.’
‘And for a respectable lady with no need to earn her living?’
She sighed. ‘Nothing. There is nothing to look forward to but that slow descent into the role of dependent relative, as I said.’
‘But if you have an allowance, does that not give you a choice?’
‘Such as?’
‘If you could choose your ideal life, what would it be?’
She laughed, but it turned into a sob, quickly choked off. He couldn’t help himself. He put his arm around her shoulders, and smoothed his hand down the bare flesh of her arm. Her head tipped towards him and rested for a moment against his shoulder before she pulled away.
‘And that proves how pathetic I am. You ask me about my ideal life and all I can think is that I want my life to continue as it has always been. I want to care for my family and I want to run a large, happy household. It is what I have always done and what I always expected to do. I want nothing else.’ She bowed her head, pressing her fingers against her eyes. ‘But that is the one thing I cannot have, is it not? My brothers are now married and our family has already changed, and I can only selfishly dwell upon how those changes will affect me and my life.’
He touched her nape and stroked, relishing the silky warmth of her skin and the delicate bumps of her spine.
‘Change is like that, is it not?’ His mind drifted back to his own past and he brought it swiftly back to heel. ‘It is the nature of the beast; it can affect our lives in ways we cannot begin to imagine.’
She turned her head to look up at him. She was so close he could hear the quiet sough of her breathing, and her scent—reminding him of sweet apple blossom—mingled with the night air until he felt full of her. He forced his hand from her and crouched down, feeling around in the damp soil at the edge of the lake. His fingertips found the smooth surface of a large pebble and he picked it up, smoothing his thumb over it as he regained his feet.
‘It is like the change a pebble makes when it is thrown into a pond.’ He tossed the stone high and long, aiming for the middle of the lake. ‘It sinks below the surface to lie unseen on the bottom, but the ripples it causes touch every inch of the shoreline.’
‘Yes. Yes, it is just like that. And I am on the shore, and the ripples are...oh, I don’t know...unsettling...disturbing...and they force me to acknowledge that even good changes...wonderful changes...can have negative consequences.’
‘And one of those negative consequences is how your brother’s marriage will affect you?’
‘Yes. No.’ A sound of frustration, like a low growl, emerged from her and Zach hid his smile at the idea of Lady Perfect growling. ‘I ought not to be talking to you like this.’
‘But you wish to—
‘If everyone did that, chaos would ensue. There has to be some discipline. Some law. Some obligation.’
‘Of course there must, in wider society. I meant on a personal level. You are so bound by the etiquette and rules of your world that you cannot look beyond those boundaries.’
‘That is easy for you to say.’ Bitterness laced her words. ‘But that is my—oh!’
Lady Perfect fell silent as a familiar ghostly shape swooped towards them. She did not scream as he feared she might. Rather, she watched, entranced, as the barn owl flew low across the pond, her flight silent, and landed on Zach’s outstretched arm.
‘What...?’ Cecily’s voice was a whisper, full of wonderment.
‘Lady Cecily Beauchamp, meet Athena.’
Cecily had never been this close to an owl before. Athena stunned her, with her heart-shaped face and huge dark eyes and the contrast between the buff-coloured feathers on her wings and back with the snowy white of her face and breast. Mr Gray took Cecily’s ungloved hand and raised it to the bird’s breast. Her fingers sank into the soft feathers, more deeply than she anticipated.
‘She is beautiful,’ she whispered. ‘Why is she so tame?’
Mr Gray touched the owl’s head with his forehead, then lifted his arm high. The bird launched into flight and glided away as silently as it had arrived.
‘I reared her from a fledgling.’ His hands cupped in an unconscious gesture, as though he remembered the finding of her and as though he still protected her.
‘How old is she?’
‘She is nine now.’
‘Do you keep other animals, Mr Gray?’
He rubbed his hand across his jaw. ‘I do not keep them. They are free to leave if they so wish.’
‘Will you tell me about them?’
‘Another time. Maybe.’
He began to walk back across the grass towards the garden and regret swirled through her. She followed him, hurrying to keep up with his long strides.
‘I am sorry. I did not mean to pry. I should not have questioned you.’
‘There you go again, with your
He slammed to a halt and pivoted to face her with such suddenness that she almost cannoned into him. Her feet, still clad in her satin dancing slippers, skidded from under her and she reached out, clutching his lapels to steady herself. His arms came around her, hauling her close, and she found her cheek pressed to his chest, the steady beat of his heart thumping in her ear...far steadier than her own erratic heartbeat which flittered, soared and swooped.
‘Steady.’
His voice rumbled through her. His arms still held her captive, but they loosened a little, allowing her to tip her head back to look at him. His eyes flashed and a muscle leapt in his jaw as one hand slid lower and settled at the small of her back, fitting her snugly into the warm contours of his body. His breath caressed her skin as his free hand came up to cradle her cheek, his thumb drifting across her lower lip. Her breath quickened as his head lowered and, without volition, she rose on her toes to close the gap between them.
His warm lips were soft and smooth, exhilarating and yet soothing. She had only been kissed once in her life and the experience had been...forgettable. This...