Hazel Gaynor – The Girl From The Savoy (страница 16)
I step forward and deliver the line. ‘Honestly, darling,
The audience roar with laughter, unaware of the cruel truth contained in my words.
‘It isn’t my place to tell you when you’re dreadful, especially not on opening night.’
A heavy fog smothers London by the time the show is over. Outside the door to Murray’s, the soot-tainted air catches in my chest, making me cough. It is sharp and painful. Far worse than anything I have experienced before.
Perry looks worried. ‘You really should go to the doctor about that cough, Etta. It’s definitely getting worse.’
When I’ve recovered and caught my breath I take a long drag of my cigarette and tell him to stop fussing. ‘Was I all right tonight, darling? Really?’
He shivers, pulls his scarf around his neck, and claps his hands together for warmth. ‘You were fabulous, sister dear. Everybody said you were splendid.’
I wrap my arms across my chest and sink the fingertips of my gloves into the deep pile of my squirrel-fur coat. ‘Of course they did. They always do. Anyway, you wouldn’t tell me even if I was beastly. Would you?’
He says nothing. I pinch his arm.
‘Ow! That hurt.’
‘Good.’
‘Etta, I’m your favourite brother, and one of only a handful of people you deem worthy of calling your friend. It isn’t my place to tell you when you’re dreadful, especially not on opening night. There are plenty of people being paid perfectly good money to do that.’
I pinch him again. ‘You’re a dreadful tease, Peregrine Clements. First-night notices are ghastly things. I’m nervous. What if the critics hate it? I really can’t bear to think about it.’
He crushes his cigarette beneath his shoe. ‘Come on. Let’s get disgracefully drunk. By the time the notices are in, you’ll be too blotto to care.’
But despite the cold and the lure of champagne cocktails, I’m reluctant to go inside. ‘Walk with me around the square?’
‘What? It’s freezing. You need a gin fizz, dear girl, not an evening constitutional.’
‘Please, Perry. Just once around. It was so dreadfully stuffy in the theatre tonight, and the club can be so suffocating at times.’
He sighs and offers his arm. ‘Very well. I’ve lost most of the sensation in one leg. I might as well have a matching pair.’
Looping my arm through his, I rest my head wearily on his shoulder as we stroll. I enjoy the sensation of his cashmere scarf against my cheek; the sensation of someone beside me. For a woman constantly surrounded by people, I so often feel desperately alone.
We walk in comfortable silence. For a few rare moments we are nothing more remarkable than a brother and sister enjoying an evening stroll. Much as he frustrates me, I love Perry dearly, although I can never bring myself to tell him so. Even when he came back from the front I couldn’t say what I’d planned, couldn’t say the words I’d rehearsed in my head and written in dozens of unsent letters. Old habits die hard. Our privileged upbringing might have left us with proper manners and a love of Shakespeare, but it also left the scars of unspoken fondnesses and absent affection. We are as crippled by our emotions as Perry is by the shrapnel wound to his knee.
‘How did the meeting go with Charlot today? Did he like your piece?’ I hardly dare ask. Perry’s meetings with theatrical producers have been less than successful recently.
He yawns. A habit of his when he isn’t telling the truth. ‘Not bad. He didn’t hate it. Didn’t love it either.’
I stop walking. ‘You didn’t go, did you?’
‘Damn it, Etta. Are you having me trailed? How do you know everything about me?’
‘Because you are about as cryptic as a brick, darling. Anyway, it doesn’t matter how I know. But I
We continue walking as he explains. ‘The sheet music was ruined by the rain when I bumped into that girl yesterday. And it was a lot of miserable old rot anyway. Charlot wants uplifting pieces. The phrase he used last time I saw him was “whimsical”. He told me people want to be amused, that Londoners have an appetite for frivolity. I haven’t a whimsical bone in my body, Etta. Why put myself through the embarrassment of rejection again?’
For months it has been the same. Unfinished melodies. Missed appointments. All the promise and talent he had shown before the war left behind in the mud and the trenches.
‘You need to get out more, Perry. You need to meet interesting people and find inspiration. It can’t help to spend so much time in that apartment of yours. It’s the least whimsical place I’ve ever had the misfortune to drink a cup of tea in.’
‘I’m here now, aren’t I? Escorting you on an impromptu evening promenade, about to mingle with the set.’
‘I do appreciate that you’re trying, Perry. Really, I do. All the same, I think you spend too much time alone.’
‘I’m not alone. Mrs Ambrose comes and goes.’
‘Mrs Ambrose is a middle-aged charwoman. You need vibrancy and excitement in your life, not floor wax and sagging bosoms and woollen stockings.’
He laughs. ‘I can’t argue with that.’
‘I’ve been giving it some thought, as it happens. I know what you need.’
‘And what might that be?’
‘A muse.’
‘A
‘Yes. A muse.’
‘And why would I want a muse?’
‘To spark your creativity. You need to find someone whose every word, every movement, leaves you so enraptured that you can do nothing but settle at the piano and write words of whimsy about them. Look at Noël Coward. I doubt he would have written anything notable if it weren’t for Gertie Lawrence. And Lucile Duff Gordon. How do you think she produced such incredible costumes for Lily Elsie – and for me? They adore those women so much they simply cannot wait to dress them or write songs or books about them.’ I feel rather pleased with myself as we walk on. ‘Yes. That’s absolutely what you need. A muse.’
Perry clearly isn’t convinced. ‘And where might one find a muse these days? Does Selfridge sell them? I hear he has all manner of whimsical things in his shop.’
‘Don’t be facetious. You need to look around. Take more notice of people.’ I cough and pull my collar up to my chin as we turn the final corner and walk back towards the entrance to the club. ‘Either that or put an advert in
The tantalizing beat from the jazz band drifts up the narrow stairs. The cloakroom attendant takes my coat. I turn to check my reflection in the mirrored wall tiles, twisting my hip and turning my neck to admire the draped silk that falls seductively at the small of my back. I’m glad Hettie chose the pewter dress, the fabric shimmers fabulously beneath the lights. I shake my head lightly, setting my paste earrings dancing. I shiver as a breeze runs along my skin. Murray’s is one of my favourite clubs in London. I feel safe here. I can let loose for a while and forget about things among the music and dancing and cocktails.
Turning on the charm, I glide down the stairs. My evening’s performance isn’t over yet.
Perry orders us both a gin and it from the bar. We sit at the high stools and sip the sweet cocktail, perfectly positioned for people to see us. I watch the band with their glorious café au lait skin. The pulse from the double bass and the shrill cry of the trumpet seep through my skin so that I can feel the music pulse within me. The bandleader acknowledges me, as he always does, and leads the band in my favourite waltz of the moment, ‘What’ll I Do’. I smile sweetly and applaud when the song ends.
When we are quite sure we’ve been noticed, Perry leads me to our table. The others are already there, the usual set of writers, poets, artists, and anyone who is vaguely interesting in London. Noël Coward, Elizabeth Ponsonby, Nancy Mitford, Cecil Beaton, and, of course, darling Bea, who – I am delighted to see – makes a special fuss of Perry. I kiss them all and settle into the seat between Noël and Cecil.
‘You were brilliant, darling!’
‘Simply divine. Your best yet, without a doubt.’
I wave their words aside. ‘You are all wicked and mean to tease me. You’ve been sitting here drinking cocktails all night. You didn’t even see so much as the HOUSE FULL boards outside.’
‘But she was splendid, of course,’ Perry adds as he pours us both a glass of champagne. ‘Regardless of what the notices might say in tomorrow’s papers.’
I ignore his teasing and take a long satisfying sip. The bubbles pop and fizz deliciously on my tongue.