Emilie Rose – Millionaire Playboys: Paying the Playboy's Price (страница 23)

Last chance. Last chance.

The straitjacket of expectations tightened around her, making it difficult to take a breath. Goose bumps rose on her skin and her stomach churned. Swallowing her rising anxiety, Juliana sat up and shoved her hair off her face with an unsteady hand. The ceiling fan overhead whirled, cooling her naked skin. She could handle a purely physical relationship. Couldn’t she?

Certainly. Other women did it all the time.

Rising from the bed, she listened for Rex in the adjoining bathroom, but heard nothing. Where could he be? And then she caught sight of her face in the mirror over his dresser and grimaced. Her hair looked like she’d been through a hurricane, and she had mascara smudges beneath her eyes. Vanity forced her to take a quick shower, brush her teeth and apply a touch of makeup. She combed her damp hair, shrugged into her bathrobe and then eased open the bedroom door and jerked to a halt.

Déjà vu. Rex slept on the sofa, wearing only unbuttoned jeans. Her smile faded and a sinking feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. Why would he sleep out here when he had a perfectly good bed—and her—in his room?

Doubt crept over her like an incoming fog. Hadn’t he enjoyed last night as much as she had? Her achy well-loved muscles and the love bites and beard burn he’d left on her skin indicated he had. But maybe she hadn’t measured up to Rex’s other lovers.

Horrified, she pressed a hand to her chest. Had he been faking it? With her vast experience at faking it, surely she would have recognized pretense?

Maybe he was trying to shelter the girls from the adult side of his and Juliana’s relationship. She liked that idea better than thinking he might prefer the too-short sofa to sleeping with her.

Part of her wanted to shake him awake and pepper him with questions until she had her answers. Her more cautious side feared what she’d hear. Confrontation wasn’t a problem for her at work where she knew her subject and often had the supporting data in front of her, but in her personal life, she sucked at it and this morning…She bit her lip and tightened the belt of her robe. Why wasn’t there a manual for mornings after?

She tiptoed into the kitchen and flipped the switch on the coffeepot. Within seconds, the appliance gurgled to life. Juliana watched Rex, half hoping the machine’s noisy hisses and coughs would rouse him. From where she stood, she could see the top of his head, his shoulders and chest. The sudden change in the cadence of his breathing made her pulse quicken. In moments, she’d have her answers. Like them or not.

Rex lifted his left wrist, checking his watch, she guessed, and then he swiped his hand over his face. She wished she could see his expression. Was he smiling as she’d been when she’d first awakened? Or did he have regrets?

He inhaled deeply, and then sat up and shoved his hair back with both hands. His head turned abruptly and he spotted her. She saw the exact second he recalled the intimacy they’d shared. Tension stiffened his features and his spine straightened. Not a good sign when she’d hoped for a smile and a hello-babe-let’s-go-back-to-bed-before-the-girls-awake kiss.

Clinging to his earlier declaration that he wasn’t a morning person and hoping that was the only cause of his less than happy-to-see-her reaction, Juliana swallowed to ease the dryness in her mouth. “Good morning.”

“’Morning.” He slowly rose and faced her with a dark, inscrutable gaze.

The blatant masculinity in his beard-roughened face, broad chest and the unbuttoned jeans sent adrenaline and estrogen pulsing through her system. “You didn’t have to sleep out here.”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Because you didn’t want the girls to find us in bed together?” If she were a superstitious person, she’d cross her fingers.

“Because last night shouldn’t have happened. It won’t happen again.”

The arousal simmering in her stomach turned cold and hard like cooling candle wax. Last night she’d had the best sex of her life and he was willing to dismiss it? “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you mind if I ask why?”

“Yes.”

She waited for him to elaborate. When he didn’t, she asked, “Yes what?”

“Yes, I mind if you ask.”

“That was a rhetorical question. Why can’t we make love again?”

A nerve in his jaw twitched. “Look, Juliana, you’re an attractive woman. It’s been a while since I…It’s been a while for me. I should have controlled myself last night.”

This grew worse by the second. “Are you saying you were just scratching an itch and any woman would have done?”

He hesitated and those silent seconds crushed her heart in a vise. Breathless with pain, Juliana turned back to the coffeepot and filled a mug with unsteady hands. She didn’t want the fragrant brew, didn’t even know if she could keep it in her churning stomach, but she couldn’t face him right now.

And then an even more painful realization hit. Lust wouldn’t hurt this much. That meant that her feelings for Rex might be more than simple physical desire. Was she falling for him? Her heart pounded. No, she couldn’t be. He didn’t fit in with her life plan or her career goals.

“Juliana, I’m sorry.”

She straightened her spine, lifted her chin and met his solemn gaze. She tightened her fingers around the mug in a grip that would break more fragile china. “I’m not sorry.”

She wasn’t. Taking control of their relationship, her sexual pleasure and her life was—what had he said?—oh, yes, a journey she had to take. But she wasn’t the auditor with the highest success rate at Alden Bank and Trust for nothing. When she wanted something, she didn’t give up without a fight. And she wanted more of the passion Rex Tanner had shown her. More of her reluctant rebel. She wanted—needed—to store up memories for later.

Did he want the same? She didn’t know, but she’d learned early on that if you wanted something and didn’t speak up, then you got exactly what you asked for. Nothing. And if that meant she had to become the seducer instead of the seducee then she’d willingly take on the role.

Rex exhaled harshly. “You don’t get it. I can’t be the man you need. You’re hearts and flowers and forever. I’m not. I let people down, Juliana. It’s what I do best.”

Forever? Her mind snagged on the word. “I didn’t ask for forever, Rex. All I’m asking for are the two and a half weeks remaining in your auction package.”

His jaw muscles bunched.

She closed the gap between them and opened her hand over his chest. His heart beat frantically beneath her palm. “Seventeen days, Rex. That’s all I want.”

Now that you’ve tasted passion, can you live without it?

Of course she could. She had her life mapped out and if she wanted to make it to the top, the way her mother had, then Juliana couldn’t afford detours. Especially not the kind that made her think of taking days off to laze in bed with a lover.

Eight

Apparently his momma had raised a fool, Rex told himself as he stopped outside his open bedroom door.

Otherwise Juliana’s offer of a no-strings-attached relationship wouldn’t have his mouth salivating and his heart palpitating at the sight of her lying on his bed in a puddle of moonlight and tangled sheets. Obviously he’d learned nothing from his past.

He wanted her as badly as he wanted his next breath. If her alarm hadn’t sounded this morning immediately after she’d dropped her offer on the table, then—right or wrong—he probably would have dragged her back to bed, shoved her robe from her shoulders and buried himself deep inside her.

Forget the bed. He would have taken her in the kitchen. He’d been that hot, that eager, and it hadn’t taken giving a performance in front of tens of thousands of screaming fans to get him harder than a steel rod. Juliana had managed that feat all by herself, which meant she had the power to take him lower than he’d been when he’d hit rock bottom. Not good.

But damn, he craved her. Craved her like an addict needing a fix.

Quit thinking with your balls, Tanner.

His eyes adjusted to the darkness of the apartment. In the silence at two in the morning, he could hear the whisper of Juliana’s breath. She lay on her side with her dark hair spread across his pillow just the way she’d been last night when he’d forced himself to leave her.

His heart thumped hard and fast, like a beater against a bass drum in an up-tempo song.

Head for the sofa. But his feet didn’t move and his unblinking gaze remained fixed on the woman who’d dominated his thoughts all day. The ceiling fan stirred the air, surrounding him in her scent.

Accepting her offer isn’t the same as using her.

Wasn’t it? Would he be backsliding into that selfish SOB mindset if he gave her what she wanted? Hell, he’d never intended to live the rest of his life like a monk.

If not celibacy, then what do you have planned, bucko?

Nothing. The answer surprised him. All his life, he’d worked toward a goal. First on getting off the ranch, second, on landing a record contract, and then on making it to the top of the charts. He’d accomplished all three, leaving a trail of casualties in his selfish, self-destructive wake. After his parents’ deaths, he’d set his sights on getting out of Nashville. Once he’d managed that, he’d focused on getting Renegade open and making himself available to Kelly and the girls. Once again, mission accomplished, but this time he had no intention of hurting or disappointing anyone.