Дорис Лессинг – The Sirian Experiments (страница 16)
No: the dispassionate, disinterested eye we use for other peoples, other histories, we do not easily turn on ourselves – past or present! Yet most societies – cultures – empires – can be described by an underlying fact or truth, and this is nearly always physical, geographical. Is it possible that our reluctance to regard ourselves as we do others is because we do not like to categorize our own existence as
The Sirian Empire has been preoccupied by one basic
We now mark the end of our Dark Age at the point where ‘we got rid of our excess populations’. As I saw it expressed in a somewhat robustly worded history. At the point, then, when ‘population balanced necessity’. Ah yes, there are a hundred ways of putting our basic dilemma! And each one of these formulations, evasive or frank, can only mask something we have never come to terms with! To sum up our culture, then, as we so arbitrarily encapsulate others: ‘The Sirian Empire, with its fifty-three colonies, almost infinitely rich, well-endowed, fruitful, variegated, and with its exemplary technology, has never been able to decide how many people should be allowed to live in it.’
There you have it. I touched on this before: how could I not? There is no way of even mentioning Sirius without bringing up this our basic, our burning, problem …
The Dark Age over, we saw to it that our populations everywhere were reduced to the minimum level necessary for …
What happened to those teeming millions upon millions upon millions? Well, they were not exterminated. They were not ill treated. On the contrary, as I have hinted – to do more than lightly sketch these developments would come outside my scope – all kinds of special schemes and projects were set up to soften their tragic fate. They died, it is generally agreed now – now that so much time has passed and we can look at those days more calmly – of broken hearts, broken will. They died because they had no purpose, of illnesses, of epidemics that seemed to have other causes, and during mass outbreaks of madness. But they died. It took fifty thousand years of our bad – our
But, in fact, nothing had changed:
I shall not go on. Some people will say I have already said enough about this; others that, if I were to pay proper and due respect to our terrible basic dilemma, I should devote not a few paragraphs but several volumes to it.
Well, myriads of volumes and whole ages have been devoted to it – when our stage was, as it were, swept bare and empty, waiting for its appropriate dramas, what happened was that schools of philosophy sprang up everywhere, and nothing was heard but their debates, their arguments … What was our purpose? they inquired of themselves, of us, pursuing ‘the fundamental Sirian existential problem’.
So violent, lowering, unpleasant, became these debates that it was made illegal to even mention this ‘existential problem’ – and that epoch lasted for millennia. Of course, there were all kinds of underground movements and subversive sects devoted to ‘maintaining knowledge of the truth’.
Then, as these became so powerful and influential they could not be ignored, public expression of our inward preoccupation was made legal again. At one time several of our planets were set aside as universities and colleges, for the sole purpose of discussions of our existential problems. This is how ‘the Thinkers’ of 23 originated.
Meanwhile, sometimes our populations grew larger and sometimes smaller, and these fluctuations did not relate to how many individuals were needed in order to operate our technologies, but according to how tides of opinion flowed … if we wanted to, we could have crammed our planets with billions of genera, species, races – as they once had been. When we wanted, they could be left empty. We could – and did – maintain some planets, for special purposes, at very high levels of population and leave others virtually unpopulated.
While all these variations on our basic problem were attempted, our space drive had been stabilized. We had discovered that no matter how forcefully we swept out into space, gathering in suitable planets as we found them, incorporating them into our general plan, we took our problems – or rather, our
As our philosophers asked, and argued.
We, the administrators, had been watching Canopus: she was not acquiring ever more colonies. She was stabilized on what she had. She had far fewer than we … she was developing and advancing them … But that was not how we saw it then: I have to record that we despised Canopus, that great neighbour of ours, our competitor, our rival, for being satisfied with such a low level of material development and acquisition.
I now return to our preoccupation with Canopus.
At the time of the ending of our Dark Age, which was not long after the Rohandan Disaster, Canopus had as large a population as we – proportional to the fact they had fewer planets. That was one fact: and they showed no disquiet at all about it. Yet their technology, though
Sirius knew far less about Canopus – and this on a purely material level – than Canopus did about us. I had noticed this long before: mentioning any one of our planets, Canopus always seemed informed about it: and we accordingly admired their espionage system.
We were always waiting for the time when we could catch one of their spies and say: ‘Look, you have broken your agreement, now we demand information in return.’ But we never did catch any of their spies. For the good reason that they did not have any.
And when we asked for information, it was given, and we did not trust in it … did not believe what we were told.
Shortly after the Conference on Colony 10, the one to consider the results of the Catastrophe, I was called by my Head of Department and was asked to develop my relationship with Klorathy: our liking for each other had been noted.
I was of course not reluctant. I did not have then, nor have now, any feeling that it is wrong to use a personal relationship in this way. I am a Sirian. This is what I am first and foremost. I am proud to be a public servant of Sirius. If there were ever to come a moment of conflict between my duty to Sirius, to our Colonial Service, and my personal feelings, I should never hesitate. But why should there be conflict? I have always put first what I conceive to be the
I was asked to return to Rohanda, where Klorathy was shortly to pay a visit: so we had been informed by them. The fact that we
My whole nature was involved in my preparations for this meeting with Klorathy. I cannot separate the ‘personal’ from the public aspects of myself here – not easily. There are times in one’s life when it seems as if everything that happens streams together, each event, or person, or even an overheard remark becoming an aspect of a whole – a confluence whose sources go back into the past, reach forward into the future. Personally, there was a gap in my life because a boon-companion had recently died. Death is not something we think much about, we of the superior Sirian mother-stock, since we do not expect to die except from accident or a rare disease. But this old friend had been struck by a meteorite travelling on the Inter-Planetary Service. While we saw each other rarely, since his service was on C.P. 3, we were in a rare balance of sympathies and even knowing that the other was