Debbie Macomber – Blossom Street (страница 85)
Brad rubbed his hand down his thigh and swallowed hard. “I can’t be with you on the Fourth because Cody and I will be with Janice.”
I barely had a chance to digest this before he muttered, “Janice phoned a couple of days ago and asked if we could talk.”
I knew Brad had worked hard to maintain a good relationship with his ex-wife. The breakup of their marriage had been her idea, and she’d been perfectly content to let Brad retain custody of their son.
“So you and Janice talked?” I asked when he wasn’t forthcoming with details. “Apparently she had a great deal to say.” From the tightness around his eyes and mouth, this appeared to be an understatement.
Brad’s shoulders rose in a deep sigh. “She’s done a lot of thinking in the last few months and realizes she made a mistake when she left Cody and me.”
“A little late for that, isn’t it?”
Brad didn’t answer right away. “She wants another chance.”
I laughed, hardly able to believe Brad would seriously consider taking back his ex. “I’d say that’s mighty convenient, wouldn’t you?” I recognized instantly what was happening, even if Brad didn’t.
“What do you mean?” he asked, his gaze flying to mine.
“Did you happen to mention that you’ve asked me to marry you?” I couldn’t feel anything other than cynical about this. Of course Janice wanted him back! She was about to lose him for good.
Brad shook his head, but my guess was that Cody had told his mother about our plans to be married. “She knows,” I told him, “and she doesn’t like it. She’s toying with you. Now that we’re talking marriage, she can’t stand the thought of you and Cody with anyone else.” Even if Janice didn’t want to be married to Brad, she didn’t want me or any other woman to have him, either.
Brad motioned helplessly with his hands. “She seemed sincere and genuinely regretful. If it was an act, then she should get an Oscar nomination.”
Naturally Brad wanted to believe that; his ego required it. Any man’s would. “Well,” I said, confused about what this meant for Brad and me. He didn’t seem to know himself. “Are you saying you don’t love me and that you were just killing time until Janice came to her senses?”
“Of course not!” he asserted.
“
“No,” was his immediate reply, followed by a brief pause. “I loved Janice when we were married and I still loved her when she walked out on me. But I don’t anymore—my feelings for her are gone. The truth is, she’s Cody’s mother and my son needs her.”
“What exactly does that mean for us?”
He shoved his hands in his pants pockets. “I don’t know.”
“It looks like you’re about to retract the proposal,” I said, striving for a bit of humor, “and if that’s the case, you’ll have one hell of a fight on your hands, fellow.”
He almost smiled. “I’m not, but I’m going to ask you to do something I have no right to ask.”
I could predict what that would be. “You want me to voluntarily step aside and give Janice an opportunity to lure you and Cody back? Sorry, Brad, I can’t do that. You either love me or you love her.”
“I don’t love her.” His eyes pleaded for understanding. “It’s more complicated than that.”
“No, it’s not,” I argued. “Are you going to be at her beck and call for the rest of your life?”
“No! Anyway this isn’t about me, it’s about my son.”
“It’s too late for Janice,” I said. Surely he could see my position. Surely he knew he was ripping my heart out.
He didn’t answer for a long, long time. “I owe this to Cody. He loves his mother and wants us to be a family again.” Brad closed his eyes, as if he couldn’t bear to see the pain he was inflicting on me. “I’m so sorry, Lydia. I’d give anything not to hurt you.”
“But I love Cody, too!” I cried. The numbness had attacked my entire body now. I could barely function as I turned away.
“I know you do, and he loves you.”
“But I’ll never be his mother,” I said in such pain I thought I’d be physically ill. Janice would always be the woman he’d loved first, the woman he loved best. Hard as I tried, I would only be a shadowy imitation. Squaring my shoulders, I turned back. Brad hadn’t moved. “I … I guess you’re glad I delayed our wedding plans, aren’t you?”
“No,” he breathed. “Lydia, please, try to understand. I don’t want this—I didn’t ask for this.”
We stood there, he and I, and the room seemed to grow smaller and smaller around us.
Pride demanded that I do my best to put a good face on this, although it took every ounce of resolve I possessed. “Seeing that you’ve made your choice, all I can do is wish you, Janice and Cody a good life.”
He didn’t respond.
“I can’t play this game, Brad. I won’t play it.”
“This isn’t a game.”
“But it can be. It will be. After a while, Janice will realize she’s made yet another mistake and she’ll want her independence once again. Only I won’t be here.”
“What are you saying? All I’m asking—”
“For whatever reason, you want to give Janice another chance,” I broke in. “For Cody’s sake or your own, I’m not sure. That’s your decision, but I can’t let you in and out of my life on her whim.”
“I don’t know what’s right anymore,” he shouted.
“I don’t, either,” I told him. “But apparently I’m second-best now.” It was difficult to maintain my composure. “Does she want to move back in with you? Is that it?”
“No.” Brad shook his head. “She’ll keep her place and I’ll keep mine. We haven’t made any other decisions. I couldn’t do that until I talked to you.”
This was supposed to cheer me up? If so, it hadn’t worked. Brad was obviously deluded about his ex-wife’s motivations. I knew Janice loved Cody. We’d talked several times, Janice and I, over the past months, and she’d made it perfectly clear that despite her maternal connection with Cody, she didn’t want the demands of a husband and family. I was completely dumbfounded by this sudden change of heart.
“I love you,” I said, and my voice trembled so badly it was hard to speak, “but I can’t and won’t play tug-of-war with Janice over you and Cody. You can’t ask me to share your life one minute, and then the next want me to step aside while you test the waters with your ex. I don’t know what you expect me to say.”
He didn’t respond but I could see that his teeth were clenched, his jaw rigid. “I’ll do what I can to switch routes so we won’t have to see each other.”
“Thank you.” I was surprised by how calm I sounded, because on the inside I was crumbling.
“I’m sorry, Lydia.”
I looked away, unwilling to let him witness the pain I was in.
The man I loved turned and walked out of my life. The instant the door closed, I fell into a chair and covered my face with both hands. I took deep, shuddering breaths as I struggled to make sense of what had just happened. Moments earlier, I’d been anticipating our Fourth of July barbecue with Cody…. My heart froze as I realized anew that not only was I losing Brad, I was losing Cody. Sweet Cody, who’d taught me so much about love and what it meant to be a mom.
The bell jingled with irritating gaiety. I dropped my hands and plastered a smile on my face, which became a frown when I saw it was Margaret. I said the first thing that came to mind. “You’re late.”
“I know,” she said, without explanation.
“If you’re going to work for me, then I’d appreciate if you could make an effort to be here on time,” I snapped. “Just because I’m your sister doesn’t mean you can show up for work whenever you like.”
Margaret’s jaw sagged at the unexpectedness of my attack. “Okay, message received.”
I stood and retreated to the back room but the trembling in my hands refused to stop. I had to pull myself together, or I’d be an emotional wreck. Unfortunately it was probably too late.
“Did you get out of bed on the wrong side this morning?” Margaret asked, following me.
I attempted to pour a cup of coffee and couldn’t. Setting the pot back on the burner, I turned to face my sister, certain I’d gone completely ashen.
“Lydia,” she whispered, looking shaken when she saw me. “What happened?”
I opened my mouth to speak but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, a low moan escaped and then my body was racked by gut-wrenching sobs. So much for regaining my composure.
Margaret’s arms were around me in a flash, and it was a good thing because I was on the verge of collapse.
“Lydia, Lydia, what happened?” She paused, staring at me. “Is it Brad? I saw him outside and he didn’t say a word to me.”
I couldn’t make myself speak. It felt as if this was the end of the world—my world, anyway. I’d been so happy, so excited. For the first time since I was a teenager, I felt truly alive and
“I … need to go upstairs,” I whispered after I’d pulled myself together enough to speak. “Can you handle the store for a while?”
“Of course.”
“Thank you.” I retrieved Whiskers from the front window and by chance looked out to see Brad sitting inside his truck. He had doubled over, his forehead pressed against the upper curve of the steering wheel.
Margaret came to stand behind me. She placed her hand on my shoulder and then glanced out the window.
“You and Brad?” she asked gently.