Carla Cassidy – Baby Trouble: The Spy's Secret Family (страница 11)

No way was he going to tell her all the things William Ward had revealed to him. There was still a chance he could keep her and the kids out of his past, and he was going to do his darnedest to make that happen. The private investigator had found nothing on any Nick Cass. So far it appeared such a man had never existed. If that held true, his new family was in the clear.

He shrugged. “I apparently created an alter ego for myself. An identity under which I could travel anonymously and unobtrusively. Nick Cass could go into a coffee shop or sit at a café and no one paid any attention to him.”

“Who were you hiding from?” Laura asked shrewdly.

“The media, I imagine. My employees, maybe. Hell, maybe an ex-lover.” He added candidly, “And myself, if I had to guess.”

“Why didn’t you tell me who you were?”

“I expect you fell for Nick Cass, the regular guy, not some Greek billionaire. Knowing you and loving you the way I do now, I’ll bet I wasn’t about to risk what I had with you.”

“So you lied to me? You trusted me so little? Didn’t you think I would understand? Am I that judgmental or just that stupid?”

She didn’t raise her voice, but the anger in it was unmistakable.

“I’m sorry, Laura. I don’t remember any of it. I have no answers for you. Undoubtedly, I was wrong and should have told you everything from the start.”

She threw up her hands. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to be this furious with you and not be able to be mad at you because you can’t remember doing any of it?”

He smiled sadly. “I really am sorry.”

“What are you going to do now?”

“Deal with the fallout as best as I can, and when the excitement blows over, go back to being plain old Nick Cass, the man who loves you and our kids.”

“What fallout should I expect from this revelation?”

He grimaced but forced himself to look her squarely in the eye. “I honestly don’t know. But I can tell you this. I plan to do everything in my power to keep you and the kids out of this.”

“This what?”

She was too smart for her own good, sometimes. She’d heard the evasion in his voice and put her finger exactly on the source of his discomfort. “I’ve had a gut feeling since the moment you fished me out of that box that I should let sleeping dogs lie. I feel that way more strongly than ever. It’s nothing concrete. Just a feeling.”

He reached out and took her icy hands in his. “I don’t know what’s hidden in those lost five years, I swear. But I think it’s bad, and I think it could put you and the children in danger. You’ve got to let me deal with this alone. Stay away from it, Laura.”

She stared at him, her dark gaze brimming with frustration. “No way—”

He cut her off gently. “I have to know the children are safe. You have to take care of them for me—for us—while I put my past to rest.”

Ellie must’ve sensed her mother’s tension for the infant started to fuss. He was a cad to be so relieved at being saved by a baby’s distress. Ellie, uncharacteristically, wanted no part of being soothed. Her fussing escalated to crying outright and soon to screaming. Not appreciating mommy’s stress, apparently.

Laura spared him a look that promised this conversation was not over as she left to find Lisbet.

The phone rang again. He glanced at the caller ID and jolted. William Ward. How had his former attorney found this phone number, and furthermore, why on earth was he calling it? Nick picked up the receiver quickly lest Laura take the call.

“Good morning, William.”

“Nikolas. We need to talk.”

“Then speak.”

“This is confidential. Needs to be face-to-face.”

Nick sighed. “In case you haven’t seen the news this morning, I’m a little busy at the moment.” Not to mention he had serious damage control to do with Laura. He knew her well enough to know that she wasn’t about to let him deal with this mess on his own.

The lawyer huffed and then said heavily, “I’ve been doing some digging about you. I’ve found something. It’s bad.”

Nick froze. “What is it?”

“I’m at my beach house on the Cape. Get here as fast as you can.”

“I can’t just drop everything here and come see you!” Nick exploded. “The AbaCo trial is about to begin. And furthermore, my old life is over. Finished. I’m not that person anymore.”

“Based on what’s sitting on my desk in front of me, your old life is about to come after you whether you like it or not.”

“I won’t let my past touch my new life,” Nick bit out sharply. He turned to pace and stopped in his tracks. Laura. She was standing in the doorway, the color draining from her face as he watched.

“I’ve got to go,” Nick snapped.

William said forcefully, “I’m not kidding. You need to come up here—”

He hung up on the lawyer.

“What’s up?” Laura asked. Her cool voice sounded brittle, like she was barely hanging on to self-control.

“My past,” he bit out. “I don’t know.” He shoved a frustrated hand through his hair. “I don’t remember any of it.”

“You knew your real name. It would’ve taken you two minutes on the internet to find out all about yourself, and maybe even what’s got you all freaked out.”

How was he supposed to explain his dead certainty that he had to leave his past alone? To stay far, far away from anything having to do with Nikolas Spiros? It would sound like a lame excuse to her. Hell, maybe it was a lame excuse.

Laura’s voice fell, dropping into a hurt hush that was a hundred times more painful than if she’d yelled at him. “I thought you loved me.”

He didn’t try to stop her as she whirled and ran from the room. He’d been worse than a fool to avoid his past, and she was right to be furious with him. Every accusation she’d thrown at him was less awful than the ones he was flinging at himself right now. It didn’t even make things better that he was dying inside. She was everything to him, and he’d hurt her terribly. He’d rather endure torture than cause her an ounce of pain. But he’d pretty well blown that. He’d blown everything.

Now what was he supposed to do? How was he ever going to make this better?

Swearing long and hard at himself, he headed upstairs to Adam’s room. The child was still asleep, which was just as well. He didn’t think he’d have the strength to say goodbye to his son if Adam were awake. Stroking the dark, silky hair so like his own gently, he murmured, “I love you more than life. Never doubt that. Take care of your mother for me. And be brave.”

He turned and left quickly before he could weaken. He had to protect them all. No matter the cost to himself. Feeling every bit of the past six years in his bones, an ache that had never quite gone away, he headed downstairs. Laura and the kids had kept it at bay with their love and laughter, but all of a sudden, the withheld agony was back.

“Are you going out, Mr. Cass?” Marta asked in surprise. “Breakfast will be ready soon.”

He rasped, “I won’t be taking breakfast today. And you’d better send Laura’s up to her office. I suspect she’s going to be busy in there for a while.”

By noon, with her connections she’d probably know more about Nick Cass than he did. And she would definitely know everything there was to know about Nikolas Spiros. Every last ugly, selfish, tawdry detail.

He’d lost her. The lies had finally caught up with him. But, Lord, the cost of it. His eyes hot and his throat painfully tight, he stepped out of the house and drove away from the best things that had ever happened to him. He’d ruined it all. Everything that was good and right about his life retreated in the rearview mirror as he pulled out of the estate. If it was the last thing he ever did, he’d make this mess right. Put his family back together.

He thought he’d known hell before in a box. Hah! That had been a walk in a park compared to the hell embracing him now. A hell of his own making.

* * *

Laura was hanging on by a thread. The phone wouldn’t quit ringing, and she was developing a horrendous headache. How on earth had she never connected Nick to Nikolas Spiros? She should have recognized him in Paris, and sometime in the past year she definitely should have searched for disappearances of men matching Nick’s description six years ago. But no. He hadn’t wanted to know, and she’d gone along with his plan to bury their heads in the sand and avoid facing whatever demons lurked in his past. She’d willfully ignored the signs that Nick was not what he appeared to be, had been so caught up in her own selfish bliss that she hadn’t asked any of the obvious questions.

Why didn’t he have any other family or friends he wanted to let know he was alive and free? Why was he so at ease living in the luxurious world she inhabited? Why did he flatly refuse to talk about his past prior to his memory loss? And the granddaddy of them all—why was he kidnapped and thrown into a box for five years? Who were his enemies, and why did they bear him so much malice that they chose to make him suffer rather than simply kill him?

At lunchtime, Lisbet apologetically poked her head into Laura’s office. “I’m sorry, ma’am, but Adam is hysterical and really needs to be with you. I’ve tried everything I know to calm him, but he’s panicked that something bad has happened to you and his father. Nothing will do but for him to see you.”