Ариана Баженова – Intertwined Fates (страница 6)

But there was one «but».

Several hundred employees of the IT company were divided into two categories for me: Lev and everyone else. For everyone, I had a polite smile in reserve. But every time I saw Lev, something inside me turned over, and soon this inexplicable feeling crystallized into a burning sensation in the solar plexus. At the sight of him, I seemed to throw off the shackles of a familiar waking dream and look into the face of life itself, bright and sunny. But when I looked at him, my soul felt someone very close, an equal – spiritual strength, a thirst for life and a sharp, inquisitive intellect in this elegant, feigned silliness of a young man.

And yet, every time I looked at him and felt that we were about to say hello and start talking like old acquaintances, he silently passed me by. And I looked away in disappointment, biting my lips.

Although, was it worth it to allow such thoughts and let them settle in my head? After all, the sparkling ring on my finger left little doubt. It was strange why, when I thought that I was late and we had not met earlier, when he was free, I felt as if my chest was being squeezed by a heavy stone slab. But what was the point of hiding my feelings from myself?

I had a presentiment that we were drawn to each other in spite of everything. But what would come of it? However, it was too early to talk about it. There was a lot of time ahead. A new city, a new place of work and even the inevitable feeling of falling in love… All this inspired and lit up the lights in my eyes. I wanted to start living differently, to become better, purer in my thoughts. I wanted to share my light.

One hot summer day, I decided to practice managing energy, which I had partially succeeded in doing before. The day began with me riding the bus on a stuffy morning, gliding my gaze over the greenery floating by and tuning into the energy of a positive attitude towards life. I wanted to show the world light and love – to other people, to work, to this new city for me.

If in the morning I managed to enter a state of love and joy, then at work Leo immediately appeared in my field of vision, every now and then making me shudder with his appearance. I just silently smiled at myself and this pattern, which could not be a simple coincidence.

«This is a good sign,» I thought. But I didn’t understand what to do with him next.

On one of those sunny days, I was standing in the hall of the checkpoint, shifting from foot to foot and waiting for them to write me a new pass. I knew that Lev went out there every now and then for a smoke break, and I would be glad to see him this morning. And this time, when I was training to control the energy of joy, he instantly appeared next to me.

I raised my frightened and surprised gaze to him and met his eyes. I silently opened my mouth, as if the words themselves wanted to escape, but I froze in numbness, not knowing what to say. Lev lingered his gaze on me for a couple of seconds, frozen, with my mouth slightly open in surprise, turned away and went outside. I lowered my eyes, feeling myself blushing deeply.

And this happened every time. When he passed by, I embarrassedly looked away, turned away or imitated vigorous activity on my smartphone. And only then did I raise my eyes, watching him as he left. At such moments, my gaze slid over his graceful, thin, tall figure in a blue jacket. And when he turned around, I could see his graceful, refined profile in the sunlight, adorned with a thin frame of glasses. Everything about him, every movement spoke of intelligence, subtlety and ease of nature, and also – that this was someone, as if close to me and very vaguely familiar. I was confused and at the same time attracted by the halo that surrounded the figure of this man – his photos adorned the hall of the administration and calendars, an interview with him adorned the entire spread of a fresh newspaper, and when he appeared, people respectfully greeted him and whispered. And me? Who am I? Yesterday’s student, today’s intern, young, but already with a wealth of experience behind her. A girl who has no name or authority here yet – only sparkling eyes, a sharp mind and a willingness to work long and hard.

Besides, he is ten years older than me.

In a newspaper interview, he told me that he once taught the basics of programming at the university. How many ordinary young students like me have passed through his hands? Their faces, flashing before him for many years, eventually turned into a faceless stream of people. I can’t even imagine how I could interest him – and this thought made the stone slab on my chest feel even heavier.

I can’t fight this burning warm feeling for Lev, the sudden desire to surround this person, familiar and unfamiliar to me at the same time, with care.

***

On the day of summing up the results of my cohort’s internship, I was feeling a little nervous. My doubts had not completely dissipated – would they offer me to continue working at the IT corporation?

Several guys, other interns, and their managers sat around a long white table. There were a few empty seats next to me. And then Lev entered the room. I had no doubt about his appearance – hardly any project could do without his participation. My heavy gaze of hazel eyes involuntarily passed over him and lingered for a moment again on the ring that sparkled in the sun. Feeling a slight prick in my heart, I quickly turned away and began to study the interns’ presentations on the screen.

Here came the most exciting moment – the announcement of those who received an offer. I involuntarily grabbed the smooth armrests of the chair with slightly sweaty palms, leaning forward. My heart began to beat faster and faster. – Kira Konstantinovna, congratulations, you have successfully completed your internship, and we invite you to join our team! – the host announced solemnly.

I leaned back in my chair, breathing a sigh of relief. To the sound of loud applause, a wide smile spread across my face, a whole mountain fell from my shoulders. An entire period of uncertainty is behind me! I am staying in the corporation. But for how long?

Suddenly, a vision appeared before my eyes, which first came to me at school, and after that, for several years dormant in the back of my subconscious. Senior classes of school. Kate and I are sitting at a desk in a computer science class. She, usually a person of celebration, is writing code with concentration and enthusiasm. I can already see her in a modern office, testing a new program.

– How I envy you, Kate, – I smile thoughtfully. – You will be useful to people. And where to go for me, a humanities student, is not yet entirely clear.

I was drawn to her world. I clearly saw offices with many flickering blue screens, and people working intently behind them. And I saw myself next to them – certainly in a black business suit, as I consult them with a smile, and they listen to me, although I understand nothing about programming and, in general, the exact sciences. How is this possible?

And today, several years later, the answer has been found. I have become a part of this world of science. Fate did not hide anything from me – it immediately showed me a picture of the life in which I would find myself, and led me to it along clearly verified paths – I did not even have time to look back, as I found myself in place. So, this is not a mistake, I am where I should be, at the time I need to be – and is it possible to be otherwise?

The weekend after summing up the results of the internship seemed especially bright. A difficult test has been passed, a new stage of life has begun. Isn’t that great? Wasn’t it interesting work that brought me here from Siberia? And yet, it seemed to me that this explanation was insufficient – some other reason brought me to this city.

The weekend after summing up the results of the internship seemed especially bright. A difficult test had been passed, a new stage of life had begun. Wasn’t that great? Wasn’t it interesting work that brought me here from Siberia? And yet, it seemed to me that this explanation was insufficient – some other reason brought me to this city. The sun was scorching and blinding, flooding the ceremonial facades of houses and emerald lawns of parks with light. I went out to the embankment and stopped, leaning on the heated stone parapet and watching the wide blue flow of the Neva.

– Petersburg. I wonder why I really came here? – I thought, watching the small waves running into each other with a hypnotized gaze. «Finish the business of my past life,» flashed through my mind, as if it was not my thought.

I perked up, already looking around the noisy embankment and the buildings decorated with stucco, like cream roses on a cake, in a new way. And suddenly it seemed that in this city, about which I had heard so much and to which I had moved with such zeal, I was beginning to feel hard and uncomfortable. It would be fair to me in its desire to teach me something – but it would hardly be welcoming.