Ариана Баженова – Intertwined Fates (страница 20)

A smile touched my lips, and I concentrated on his speech, pondering every word and nodding encouragingly. Where attention goes, energy goes, so I was now giving it to Leo, encouraging his enthusiastic story. Being a natural teacher, he had worked as a teacher at the university for many years before this moment, and now he occasionally taught computer science lessons for children at school.

Being natural teachers with him, we were also good listeners, so now I gave him space to show himself – to give a short excursion on his favorite work.

– You know so much… Probably, it took so long to learn all this? – I asked naively at the exit, looking around the laboratory.

– Oh, you have to learn this all your life, – he answered with a smile.

Returning home in the evening, I put the kettle on and tiredly sank into a chair, once again looking around my small room, which served as a kitchen, dining room and bedroom at the same time. Having made some tea, I reached for my phone and started browsing the latest news on social networks. My soul was warmed by the memory of today’s excursion. It was much more interesting than computer science lessons at school. I wanted to learn more about the field where I work.

«Thank you for today’s excursion, it was very interesting! And maybe you can recommend what else to watch, read on the topic of programming? Only popular science, something for beginners,» I sent a message to Leo.

I wanted to continue the conversation – I felt that mutual understanding was beginning to emerge between us. For him, as for me, the intellectual aspect of life is important, he loves his profession dearly.

«Watch my lectures. Otherwise, I’ll look for something,» he replied with a laughing smiley. I dropped my shoulders in disappointment and pushed my cup of tea aside. «Okay, thank you,» I typed in response.

It seems he does not share my enthusiasm, and our rapprochement today was again illusory. What is this? One step forward, two steps back!

Probably, I showed too much sympathy and initiative in communication. It was the same in all previous romances, and it ended pitifully. But I did not know how to do it any other way.

«You need too much attention, mind your own business already,» the last words of my ex-fiancé surfaced in my memory, as if reviving old wounds.

Time after time, I chose men who did not show affection for me, because I believed that, in essence, there was nothing to love about me, and stubbornly sought their attention in order to control for what qualities and at what moment they liked me.

On the one hand, it was exciting for me and safe for my psyche. As soon as I lost control over the situation in the relationship, I could distance myself. On the other hand, it put me in a vulnerable position, because it showed susceptibility, dependence of mood on another person. Thus, giving him a kind of power over me. I had already been burned more than once in communication with Leo – he talked to me with interest, but only about work. And I still considered myself unworthy of the attention of his important person, continuing to strenuously demonstrate all the good things that could interest him. I did not show only the most important thing – true love and respect for myself. Maybe because they were not there. Nevertheless, I felt that he was gradually beginning to open up to me, because he is very cautious, and his mental organization is too delicate, if it is not about work.

***

– Kira, why do you have such a scared look again? – Eva Schwein asked me in surprise, as soon as I sat down on a chair in her spacious office.

Less than a minute ago, my boss called me and told me to go up to their office. I immediately put my business aside and went up to the second floor. As usual, they didn’t tell me the purpose of the visit, and that could mean anything. It’s better to immediately prepare yourself for the worst – then a different outcome will be a pleasant surprise.

– Yes, it’s not scared, I was just in a hurry, running to you, – I shrugged and smiled.

Her strong gaze, filled with warmth, had a strange effect on me, like hypnosis, and instantly calmed me down. I turned my head and glanced at the boss, sitting on the other side of the table.

– Now I’ll send you out the door to get some air, – she threatened me with feigned anger, and I couldn’t hold back a sincere smile.

– I’m calm.

– Kira, we would like to offer you to join another new project of ours. If you can handle it, we will offer you a promotion.

I froze for a moment, clutching the arms of my chair tightly. As soon as I sat in the silence and shade for a couple of months, the top management noticed me and immediately began pushing me up the career ladder. And I only graduated from university six months ago, and I was still studying! Isn’t this too fast?

– Kira, what’s wrong with you? Are you afraid you won’t be able to handle it? – Schwein looked into my eyes with slight concern.

I had never seen that cautious look before. All she had ever shown in front of me was anger at other employees.

– Oh, what are you saying, no! If it needs to be done, then I have no option but to handle it, – I smiled and shrugged. My head was spinning slightly from the prospects at work.

Two hours later, we met Eva Schwein again, in a spacious round conference room where the sight of the dark wooden columns along the walls warmed us up on a frosty winter day. It was the final lecturers’ meeting before the start of the project for which we were preparing psychological training, and a dozen people were seated around a long glass table.

I turned around and saw Leo. He paused for a moment in the doorway, glanced around the table, and then quietly walked over and sat down on the chair next to me. I looked at him and smiled warmly. The meeting had begun.

Schwein picked up a sheet of paper with the names of the employees who had applied to participate in the training project and ran her gaze down the list.

– Vasily? The mechanic from the garage? – She looked up at us and continued with a loud laugh. – Don’t you think that he, how can I say this, shows the traits of a sociopath? A real one. Aiming to be a boss?

I turned around in confusion, glancing at my colleagues. They laughed artificially and tensely in response to her remark, exchanging glances with each other.

I winced slightly. «As far as I know, she is a software engineer by education, not a psychiatrist or even a psychologist. She openly diagnoses other people, and in such a rude manner and ridicules them in public? As a psychologist, I don’t understand this,» I frowned. But, remembering our warm morning conversation, I immediately tried to convince myself: «Perhaps this is just a peculiar sense of humor. And yet, it is unethical and unacceptable.»

My respect for Eva Schwein used to be unwavering, but now an unpleasant aftertaste fell on my soul. In any case, I am grateful to her for putting me to work with Leo – I want to believe with all my might that I will have the same happy story as Marina Voikova, whose happiness was built by the hands of this woman.

I caught Leo’s gaze sitting next to me – just as puzzled as mine, and shrugged slightly.

– We are crossing Ivan off the list of participants, – Schwein snapped her fingers, then ran her eyes over the column of small black text.

I put a small cross next to the name of one of the employees in my copy of the list, marking that he was no longer among the participants.

– So they put a cross on the man, – I whispered jokingly, slightly tilting my head towards Leo.

Suddenly he snatched the pen from my hands and drew a large grave cross next to the employee’s name. I stared at him with wide eyes, not understanding what he was doing. – That’s how you put a cross on a person! – he blurted out unexpectedly loudly, and silence hung in the air.

A dozen pairs of eyes stared at us, displeased and at the same time surprised.

«Typical of a knight of swords with his harsh humor, no less,» I thought, taking the pen from him. On the outside, I was embarrassed, but deep inside, something timidly rejoiced at his latest inept attempt to get closer to me.

«And now let’s move on to the last question,» Eva Schwein continued, breaking the awkward pause hanging in the air. – After the participants listen to your lectures, they will need to prepare a final paper. And each of you must become a curator for one of them. And Kira will take two at once!

– Me? – I was taken aback, tearing my gaze away from the sheet of paper covered with writing and raising it to her. – But how can I be a curator of more experienced employees? I’ve only been here for a short time!

– You can do it! – Leo’s confident voice suddenly rang out over my ear.

I, and everyone else after me, stared at him in surprise. Seeing how my face was flushed with a thick blush and a wide smile did not leave my lips, my colleagues decided to tactfully remain silent. I felt that the blood was burning my cheeks from the inside. My chaotically wandering, embarrassed gaze caught on his hand with its graceful fingers – I wanted so much to cover it with my palm now as a sign of ardent gratitude. But the unchanging shine of the ring on his finger burned me, and I, slightly drooping, looked away from his hands.