Алла Краснова – Who killed stand-up comedian Lilya Kolyuki (страница 2)

Taking a sip of a freshly brewed cappuccino, I sat down on a chair and fell back on the laptop, trying to make inquiries about Lilya Kolyuki. I clicked the arrow under the video again and rewinded until her performance began. She competed sixth. Her exit was accompanied by applause, which was clearly superimposed on the video. Lilya looked impressive. She contrasted strongly with all the other members of this female group, and despite her young age – twenty-nine years old – she looked old-fashioned. She looked as if she was very concerned about this topic: she spent half a day steaming these trousers with a crease, this light green jacket, this purple blouse. In addition, she was wearing shoes while all the other members looked more relaxed in sneakers and sneakers. Only one of them was wearing high heels.

I didn’t understand whether this image was a stage one, or whether she transferred it to the stage from life, but she clearly stood out from everyone. Lilya was very large and joked about being overweight, like all overweight stand-up comedians. The first performance I saw of her was jokes on this topic:

– Hi people! – she joyfully greeted the people in the hall. – So, now it will be about “feeling sick.” Who knows what “feeling sick” is?

Laughter and exclamations were heard in the hall.

– What? “Trough”, “cattle”? No, I’m talking about crying today. In fact, you all know what crying is. In short, I’m sick of it. A friend said: I want, she says, something grass-colored, it’s the hit of the season. This is what I think: she can still choose something, the reptile. Here I am, for example, what grass color do I need? “Take whatever you can fit into” is my motto! There is no time for choice anymore. If it’s fastened, thank the Almighty; if not, hi to the suppliers and the store director. So I say to her: “is it May now?” She says: “May”. So go ahead, I say, don’t be foolish, roll around in the grass, you’ll be grass-colored, and you’ll save a lot of money, and it’s all natural. She looked at me like that! Well, at least I said that I had some herbal tea left, just brewed it, pour it over it – and it’s immediately on trend.

Artificial laughter and applause were heard in the hall. And at the same moment Delilah rang the doorbell, several times, as if she was afraid of being late for the meeting.

I opened the door.

In front of me stood a very energetic, short-haired Dalila Dvorzhetskaya, a slender brunette, in whose appearance everything betrayed a perfectionist. She had a pizza in her hands, as well as a package, a small suitcase and a shoulder bag.

– Hello, Wilhelm! – she said joyfully. – So, I decided to take pizza with me so that I have something to munch on. “Sit all night,” she puzzled me from the doorway. “And there’s a change of bed linen in the suitcase, because I’ll have to spend the night with you.”

“However,” I thought, trying to maintain equanimity.

I got the impression that with such a large amount of things she decided to stay with me for at least a week. In addition, she was the only one who called me by my full name – Wilhelm, because my colleagues called me Willie, and my relatives preferred to call me by my fatherly name – Gena.

Delilah looked asthenic: a short but fashionable woman’s haircut, constant stud earrings, one on her left ear and many on the other, a small shiny piercing in her nose. Apparently a diamond, but I didn’t confirm that with her. It was generally strange to me how this small, fragile, short-haired woman contained so much femininity, especially when she began to speak or gesticulate. And she gestured a lot, which spoke of her intense emotionality. Her eyes were dark, narrow, but very moving, in them I saw thousands of shades of feelings when she began to tell something.

“She probably takes sleeping pills before bed,” I thought, “after all, she needs to somehow tame her emotionality.”

But even here a surprise awaited me. As it turned out, Delilah pacified her in a different way: she was also a runner who participated in athletics competitions. And I just don’t know how many kilometers she ran. Apparently, it was extremely large, but with such a complexion it was not surprising. It seemed that if she walked faster, she would take off, despite the lack of wings.

One day recently in the office, she looked at my colleague, who had the imprudence to boast about the number of steps taken per day. This step note was on his phone. Delilah didn’t say anything, but her very emotional face showed that this was just childish pranks. We must give her credit: she didn’t even smile contemptuously – this was due to her good upbringing and the self-restraint that she had cultivated in herself.

She was not like me, a voluntary homebody. I tried not to spill my energy: “Well, why? I’ll go out into the street, they’ll kill me, and a lot of cases will remain unsolved, and I won’t be able to help people.” I’ve invested too much in my brain and my detective work to take that risk. Therefore, I considered even going out to buy bread an exhausting procedure that did not require my attention; I ordered everything home. Let the courier leave it near the doorstep, then I’ll pick it up.

***

At my home, Delilah behaved like she was at home, but without violating my boundaries. She did not look for anything, did not examine anything in the apartment, but behaved simply and naturally. She put the pizza down, quickly took off her shoes, and went into the kitchen. I offered her coffee and she agreed. In the first fifteen minutes spent at my house, she managed to briefly introduce me to the situation, telling me about Aunt Lily Kolyuki, who contacted our agency.

“I was surprised that none of our detectives want to take on this case,” Delilah said indignantly, throwing up her hands.

I shrugged, although this was not at all surprising to me, because the detectives in our department preferred something more attractive in terms of complex moves and intricate stories. And here is something incomprehensible, or rather indistinct. It was quite possible that in a week or two the girl would have turned up on her own, because there was no body or signs of abduction.

– What attracted you to this business? – I asked.

“It seems to me that she has a complex character,” Delilah answered unexpectedly.

– From the missing woman? – I asked again.

“Yes,” Delilah answered firmly.

“She’s not as simple as she seems,” I thought about Delilah.It wasn’t what she said that attracted me, but the fact that she answered my question without thinking for a second. She didn’t pause for long and said what she thought. Unexpectedly for myself, I noticed that I would feel comfortable working with her.

And the more I talked to her, the more I realized that I would take on this case. My grandfather, a great detective, told me that cases are attracted to us by distribution from above. If a case is attracted to you, it means you are ready, you need it.

All the following time, we watched videos with Lilya Kolyuki and analyzed her behavior, trying to create a psychological portrait. I especially remember one video:

“So, I won’t be a stand-up comedian if I don’t talk to you about sex,” Lilya Kolyuki said from the stage.

(Laughter)

“Yes, yes, the eternal topic, His Majesty – sex. Come on, clap, who has it?” – a roar of applause was heard in the hall. – Thank you, I have never been applauded like that. Maybe I went down the wrong path? (Laughter in the hall) Well, there is a lot of applause. You live well! Now clap, whoever doesn’t have it.

(Pause, rare applause)

– What’s so weak, huh? Here’s a girl, why don’t you have it? What? Are you waiting for love? That’s good, and how long will you wait? Ah, there’s still time… Well, our problem is that we think there’s still time, that we’ll still have time to do everything. But what if we suddenly die, and we haven’t had a single rest.

(Laughter in the hall)

Delilah and I looked at each other. This monologue did not evoke much sympathy; there were few comments and few likes under the video; they mostly discussed the other participant. But considering that Lilya Kolyuki disappeared, these words now sounded mystically honest, although not at all funny.

Chapter two

I didn’t have to luxuriate in my warm bed for long. Already at eight in the morning Delilah woke me up, dressed and ready for new challenges. This was surprising to me, because all my women – who had been here before – got up with a roar, with the buzzing of a hairdryer, with the clinking of cutlery, the sound of water in the bathroom, with the rustling of plastic bags. Then we put on makeup for another half hour, then looked for something to wear and rattled our steps. That is why I was not ready to let any female into my apartment. Delilah got ready without noise or dust. I didn’t even hear her do it. Until three o’clock, she and I discussed Lilya Kolyuki and watched her stand-up performances. Then I went to bed, leaving Delilah to sleep on the sofa, which was located in the kitchen. And at eight in the morning she was ready to leave.